The Truth is out there, Secret Service is really The Ministry of Magic…

WELL BUGGAR ME…It turns out that J.K.Rowling was the paperback version of wikileaks!  As I was surfing the net today I found this intrigueing article which suggest that the Ministry of Magic is real, not only that potter fans, but the dark arts are here as well!

I was casually surfing the news net as I do on friday afternoons and I came across an item that stopped me dead in my tracks.  First of all the tragic nature of the article but also the extraordinary content of the article itself.  [found here

I have been a Harry Potter fan since I was first given one of the books in about 2003-04ish.  The experience of reading Harry Potter, is one I shall treasure for many years, and hopefully one day pass onto any future generations of Simms’.  There was never a moment that went by where I didn’t wish to one day find out the veil between the muggle and wizarding world would shatter and I would be chosen to go to Hogwarts on an exchange program.  The beautiful imagery by Queen Rowling made that fantasy so easy growing up, waiting for that next book like a window into this secret world that could oh so possibly be possibly maybe real…possibly….maybe?  Well it seems the fantasy and ‘magic’ may have been lost from that dream of mine after stumbling upon this tragic article on the BBC news website…

Today on 30th March 2012 [I’m aware very close to April fool’s day, so if this turns out to be a prank I FOUND IT FIRST] I read this article which stated…

“An MI6 officer whose body was found in a holdall may have been killed by an agent “specialising in the dark arts of the secret services”, a court heard.”

[ cited: here ]

The victim, Gareth Williams was found in horrific circumstances at the age of 31.  His body was found inside a locked holdall, yet strangely there was no evidence, DNA or otherwise to suggest that someone had locked him into it, which has raised suspicions as to how the victim came to be there in the first place.  The whole story is strange after stranger, there was no evidence at Gareth’s apartment in Pinlico, London, no evidence what so ever of Gareth’s existence in the apartment he resided in alone.

It has been suggested that evidence may have been removed by a seriously intelligent person/group of people, including a statement from laywer Anthony O’toole that suggests something entirely unexpected may have been at the root of the investigation…

He said: “The impression of the family is that the unknown third party was a member of some agency specialising in the dark arts of the secret services – or evidence has been removed post-mortem by experts in the dark arts.”. . .

Does this prove a possible link between our government and a higher one?  Are we truly being taken for utter mug(gle)s?

I have an opinion on politics that may not sit lightly with many people, and if I did live in America I would probably be silenced very quickly.  I don’t get involved in political protest, I don’t even vote.  [I can hear the crowd with pitchforks and the boo’s already!]  I feel it would be hypocritical of myself, to vote for any system that I do not believe in or respect.  I find government to be based on false promises and a bed of conceated lies.  I think the world leaders are entirely out of touch with the true nature of their people, and I think there is more than a small amount of information that is kept from the populations of every country on this planet.

I do believe in conspiracy theories.

And I do still get shocked when articles like this one arise from the ashes and are kept tucked into the back alley’s of our news feeds, left to trend on twitter and fizzle out in an ever moving society.  This gentleman worked for MI6, CIA-esque bullsh*t in my opinion.  His killer has still not been found.  Does he not deserve justice?  Does he not deserve Rest.In.Peace above his head instead of Unknown.Killer?

It’s articles like this that encourage me to stay behind the bright lights, in the shadows…because I have no idea what goes on in the world of the well lit.  it’s almost like there are 2 worlds, both real but only one realistic, the other is a dream world played by men [and women] who maybe watched a few too many Bond films as kids…

My condolences go out to Gareth’s family if your out there and I put it to you…are we really muggles?  Is there a Ministry of Magic, and do we really know what is going on on this planet, or should we just Keep Calm and Carry on?

Personally, I have the tin foil hats ready for the invasion, the concrete underground bunker for the zombies, My fake death eater stick on tattoo for when Voldemort comes a knocking, and a speech prepared for the day I get to say ‘I Told You So’…

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

This is My Confession…

I have a deep and very dark secret, one which I have never told anybody, I feel this secret is eating me up inside and I must let it out before it dissolves my very soul.  I have an addiction, it is a serious addiction for which I feel I may need some form of rehab for.  Now this addiction renders me completely stupid, I have no way of stopping once I have started, i’m too scared to admit this secret addiction to my family and even my friends.  I am so terrified that they will think ill of me once they know that I am keeping this secret shut off from the entire world.  So if I tell you, you have to promise to keep it to yourself, you can’t tell anyone okay because they may get the police involved and I mean, it’s a serious crime what I do, it endangers not only myself but anyone who is around me when I am doing it….

Get your pointing fingers and laughing faces ready...

Hello, my name is L.J.Simms and I am a Song Mimer.

Wow, it feels so good to finally tell someone, I have a terrible habit  of miming/acting songs when I sing them.  It can evolve into a full on scene with myself and anything I can get involved.  I have slowdanced with a giant teddy named adgar who lives in my wardrobe [not a hallucination] I have broken up with beautiful men [still not a hallucination] and I have had sexually tense encounters with Drake [certainly a hallucination].

It’s terrible, I struggle to stop myself from doing it, sat in the car with my mum and I have to look in the window as I mouth and mime the emotive background of the song, it builds up like a bubbling volcano til it’s at gale-force 9 and I’m full on scream singing and acting out the entire song.

It all started a few years back, when I first started to really get into music, I had an awful break up with a boy from my youth [i’m now actually INTO my 20’s so can say ‘in my youth’] and I went straight home and listened to Simple Plan’s album.  I lay on my bed and I listened to the words and through my tears and teenage pain I started singing along whilst ripping up all the photos I had stuck underneath the shelf above my bed. [again I was YOUNG] In that moment I started picturing him in front of me and starting singing the song as if it was towards him, picturing how it would seem if I sang this song to him, directly, like really in his face…

This first encounter with Song miming was only the start, as my music taste developed and in turn my relationships took different paths both personal and professional I found that I started to develop my addiction, I started craving the rush of full scale dramatic enactments of songs, the buzz when the songs finishes and your left with a surge of energy and power.  I then moved onto the harder stuff, the more intense songs, I started getting into different kinds of music and exploring my taste for the more exotic music, this was a time in my life where I was out of control, and only really deep music could quench my thirst.  I started getting into rap and hip hop, I was an entry level offender but I found that I  could target my mimes towards imaginary people by this point, like the imaginary ‘other girls’ my next ex was seeing behind my back [p.s they weren’t imaginary I caught you dumbass!!]…

Once I had entered the gateway songs, it was downhill from then on, I found my niche, I found where I was most comfortable, I discovered pop songs.  Not my usual forray of musical choice (I’m more of an acoustic guitar and thoughtful lyrics kind of girl) but none the less it served a purpose, I started to crave a new song to mime to, I would listen to the music charts and when I had a chance to go to my friend’s house who had…SKY CABLE TELEVISION, where I could watch music videos, the latest ones and hear songs straight away I was totally hooked I would say this was when I hit rock bottom, this is where I can honestly say I truly became an addict to the drug of song…

Once at University I tried detoxing, I went through alot of experimentation and found music that allowed me the comfort not to mime.  I started clubbing alot more which meant that music became something I listened to whilst shouting and screaming and dancing so the focus was taken away from miming, I still mimed a bit at home on my own, but not as much as I did before.  I felt that I was starting to get a hold on my addiction and it was really getting good again, I started dating Superman [grrr,GRUMBLE,grr,grrrrr,GRRrrrhatehimGRrrr] and life was rosy, I left Uni and moved back home, travelled to Minnesota [GO GO VIKINGS LETS GO!] and on my return found a job and all was hunky dory.  Or so I thought.  My break up with Superman was cataclysmic, and I found myself back, deep in the arms of song miming, my only comfort from the wayward men of england.  I was back to my bedroom mirror and my hairbrush, the most basic of tools for the miming addict, the body language and cursed expressions once again reared their ugly heads and I was back in full swing…

Since then I have been on the road to recovery, it’s tough really tough but I’m glad I can share my secret with you, and only you, remember don’t tell anyone okay? I feel I’m back to health now and I only occasionally binge on 1 or 2 songs a month but when I catch myself out I make sure I follow the 12 steps……..over to my iPod and change the song.  I hope my admition to such tragiv addiction can help others out there to stand up and proudly declare that they too are a song mimer, and maybe one day there will be places for us all, where we can stand proud and song mime together so this addiction may become a way of life for all.  Until that day comes, I will keep strong and only limit myself to one weekend a month where I am allowed to explore my inner mimer just like Emma Stone…

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading 😛

L.J xx

Versatile Blogger Award


Oooh I feel all goosepimply and special! Thank you so much to CatBird, accepting this gracefully I would like to say a few little words for this wonderful woman! 
I first started my blog as a coping mechanism, I have suffered with what can only be described as depression but due to my unwillingness to take prescription medication I wanted to find a healthier and better (for me) way of coping and dealing with my mind. 
When I first started I thought no-one would read what I had to write, and I was okay with that, but when I received my frist comment that wasn’t in the spam folder which i convinced myself was real mail haha, it was from catbird.  In my short 3 months as a blogger she has taught me that my blog is my own and no matter what I post, big or small I should find the beauty in all things. 
On Catbird’s blog she states that she has a ‘photography blog yet she is not a photographer’ it is this beautiful quote that first made me respect her as a blogger and follow her posts religiously, although we like to say pie-giously! Please take some time out to check out her blog and I hope you enjoy her as much as I do… 


  1. You must state and link your Nominator. [done √ ]
  2. You must tell everyone 7 things about yourself.
  3. You must nominate 15 Blogs and let them know


  1. I have an overwhelming love for button mushrooms.  No fancy pancy special mushrooms, just normal every day button mushrooms, I bloody love them.
  2. I have an obsession with American tv and the list is as follows…
    – Supernatural
    – Criminal Minds
    – Glee
    – Alphas
    – Warehouse 13
    – Desperate Housewives
    – Big Bang Theory
    – Haven
    – Ringer
    – Heroes
    – American Horror Story
    and many many many many more, I’m a TV freak
  3. I enjoy listening to music in bed.
  4. I have a kings size duvet on a double bed and I have a grand total of 21 pillows.
  5. I’m terrified of spiders, heights, failure and never being loved.
  6. I love to cook mexican food and make amazing Guacamole.
  7. My biggest wish right now would be to be asked to write  a book and actually get paid to write it, or be asked to act on Eastenders, OR get an apprenticeship as a cake decorator.



Amazing Sh*t my Kid Says blog, this blog is a recent discovery of mine but has me in stiches every single time I read it, I love that Alice is so Candid and I feel like I am learnng with her through her mother’s eyes, absolutely fantastic.


Storytelling blog that is working through the world’s myths one by one.  Sometimes not always in english but an awesome blgo none-the-less!


Upcycling fashion blog that has inspired me no end to take what I don’t like and change it, alter it, mix it up a little and not to expect everything stylish to come at a price!


Fantastic crafts and creations, I simply LOVE LOVE LOVE.


Awesome blogger, food, crafts, creations left right and center.  Sassy with class and wit, and some really fantastic ideas that I can’t wait to start trying.


Food blogger who I adore, every item of food looks REAL and not made just for the photograph, I appreciate her experimentation and just love her recipes!!


Artist, who has influenced the feminity of my tattoo design!! just so talented and delicate of hand with an eye for beautiful art and drawings!


Plus size blogger, who has settled in my plus size heart.  Such exuberence and confidence, I love her blog and take comfort in reading it.


Truly inspirational fashion blogger! This girl has such style, I love to sit down with a coffee and see what she has put together next, I love that she has beautiful style and isn’t afraid to show it to the world!


Great alternative recipes and ways to stay healthy.


Interior design blog that I happily waste SOOOOOO much time reading through old archive posts and delving into the blog deeper and deeper.


Herbal fix’ems, remedies and things that if I ever wonder hmmm, I wonder if that would work, this is where I go first before I even search google I search this blog! AWESOME.


actor, designer, ponderer…will you marry me?


Beauty blog that I adore, 10 times better than reading a magazine this woman has her finger on every pulse going, great style and great blog!! love it!


Illustration blogger who has neatly become my favourite illustrator, truly beautiful pieces of work that I love to look at and enjoy every post on this blog!


Muchos Love and I hope you keep passing this award on to brighten other people’s days!

L.J.Simms x

STOP! Grammar Time…

I love language.

I love writing and I love reading even more.

I’m not the world’s best speller, and I only really use basic grammar.  But, I have a deep and very dark secret that lurks beneath this pearly white smile.  I have an inner Hulk that cannot live in this world for it is too fearsome and may just kill you all.

Something inside my very being bubbles and boils, it churns and makes me want to smash and smoosh everything in sight, I want to climb the empire state building gripping a teeny tiny woman in my hands, swatting airplanes and helicopters out of my sight whilst roaring at the top of my lungs…


Oooh, it makes my blood boil, it’s grammar 101, and very simple to remember, I cannot fathom why it is abused in such a way that is completely incomprehensible to me.  I don’t know if it was that my grampy drummed it into me when I didn’t understand the need for the distinction as a child, or whether it is because I have studied many books and scripts in my years to have learnt, what I know to be, an acceptable amount of the english language, I honestly do not know what drives this insatiable irritance at this very minor and truth be told, forgiveable mistake.

Like a dog with a bone, it makes me want to hunt down the poor unfortunate soul who wrote it, sit them down and carefully go over the extensive history of these two VERY DIFFERENT spellings.  I feel like Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I over pronounce it when I use it in a sentence so that I cannot be mistaken.

I understand the English language is difficult, it is ranked as the most difficult European language to learn how to read.  Which is why it has always puzzled me as to why we have such abbreviations anyway?  Are we truly that lazy that we cannot just write ‘You Are’ ‘Do Not’ ‘Have Not’ ‘Cannot’?

My mum always used to say to me ‘Can’t isn’t a word’ to which I always wanted to reply…’well why is ISN’T a word then?’  ‘And while we’re at it, how about Haven’t, Shan’t, Don’t and Won’t’ why were these ones allowed, and my ‘Can’t’ was not? I smell a rat somewhere!

In recent years, I have come to the pondering that in fact these words never used to exist.  There was a time when we used the full and proper Mary Poppins way of speaking.  Shall not, will not, cannot, have not, do not, are not, we are, you are, they are…we used to have such eloquent tongues and now look at us, whom ever it was that decided ‘today I CAN’T be bothered with extra vowels’ has got alot to answer for, as they have accidentally shaped a whole new language…

When that person decided that we simply had too many vowels, they may have started a revolution, a revolution which has culminated in the language of modern English, a language formed to fit within 140 characters, a language that will now shape a new generation of linguists where instead of beautifully crafted sentences, set within gilded walls of perfectly pronounced paragraphs, we will be seeing how many words we can fit into a single row of letters.  It started with Laugh Out Loud [lol], it upgraded with Laughing My Ass Off [lmao], and has now progressed to ROTFLSHIDBLTWADSIF [Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard I Died But Luckily There Was A Doctor So I’m Fine].

What has the world come to?

Next we will be blogging in non-syllabic form, letters only, grammar will become obsolete, in fact language itself may become obsolete, this is the end my friends, the end is nigh, the apocalypse is dawning, I hate to be the bearer of such tragic news…


Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

Birthday Schm-irthday…

This weekend, I turned 23, I have lived through 23 years and although alot of people older than myself would say “ahhh that’s nothing kiddo”, to me it’s starting to feel alot like I’m now sprinting towards middle age…

Age has never really meant that much to me, personally, with friends, in relationships.  I have been brought up socialising with such a diverse range of people that Age has never been anything more than a number to me.  When I turned 16, I felt like I had hit the big time, I was 16 and there was nothing you can do about it *insert tongue sticking out here*.

I got that overwhelming urge to go out and ‘make the most’ of my night out, you took your birthday in your stride at 16, you were happy to be having another birthday ‘HELL YEAH IT’S MY BIRTHDAY PEOPLES’.  When I turned 18 it was a similar feeling, I had a huge party and everybody came out to celebrate that I had turned into a woman, my family my friends, we all rejoiced with an insane amount of alcohol, we partied with a band and a DJ really going for it, not caring that I had just hit another milestone and time was quickly speeding up.

21, the last truly memorable birthday till you turn 30, the last birthday that is joyfully celebrated, remembered by all, and eagerly anticipated.  Turning 21 is a right of passage, it has such a place in our lives that it is almost like a landmark, a time set in stone.  My 21st was messy, chaotic and absolutely insane, but I would not change that memory for £1,000,000.

Then it hits you…Birthday’s are now going to change.

From this moment onwards, birthday’s become tiresome.  You spend your day waiting for people to call, you open less cards, but you do get more memorable presents, things that seem to last longer and mean more.  You start to arrange ‘evenings’ instead of parties.  Meals, Drinks, Coffees replace Clubbing, Raves and House Parties.

Birthday Schmirthday, was my opening statement to my 23rd this year.  From underneath a pit of duvet and hangover reminding me i’m not as young as I used to be all I could think was, “Birthday Schmirthday”  then the excitement grew as I received beautiful gifts, and whilst I drank my tea I thought happily awww “birthday schmirthday” as I reminded myself it wasn’t all bad.  As I got dressed for the evenings revelry I thought mmmm “Birrrrrthday schmirrrthday” as I pondered on how grown up and sophisticated I looked in my earrings and updo combination, and finally, as I sat around a table with good family, eating good food, watching good friends play good music, I thought to myself in a soft, toy-storyesque voice “birthday Schmirthday” because although I was getting older, and my birthday’s were now following a different more mature path, I realised that I had chalked up another year and I was starting to grow up.

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x


I have decided that there are quite a few blog awards that are circuiting the net right now, but all of them require you to nominate up to 15 blogs which doesn’t really allow for true expression as to why you really like that blog, and what it has done for you as a reader or fellow blogger.

Sometimes, in this world of hundreds and thousands, It is feels good to acquire recognition for your efforts.  To know that someone out there is reading what you have written, is enjoying your turns of phrase and delighting in your photographic journeys.  Someone is discovering your talent at accessorising, whilst someone else is reveling over your opinions on foreign policy.

Blogging is a world like no other, where you can search for people who have EXACTLY the same tastes as you, you can find out the latest gossip at the same time as finding out about the past.  I have found blogging to be an exciting world where I can express my true self and lay it down in a place that is encouraging and expressive.

So I have created a new award.

An award for people, who without their blog, you wouldn’t enjoy it all as much as you do.  I

t is called the ‘THANK GOD YOU BLOG’ award

and the rules are as follows…


  1. You must as with all blogging awards, acknowledge your Nominator.
  2. You must then select 5 blogs that you are a regular reader and follower of.  These selections go as follows, 2 Runners up, BRONZE, SILVER, GOLD. [ the images will be included in my first initial nominations, click on the image to open the actual file in a larger format 🙂 ]
  3. When nominating you must state 1 thing that you have learnt/discovered due to reading this persons blog.

And there you go! Now time for the first Nominees EVER for the ‘THANK GOD YOU BLOG’ Award!





This blogger has taught me to be more free, not to worry about my content so much as just write what comes naturally.  Reading her blog, and seeing her photo diary has encouraged me to blog more often even if it’s just telling a little story so that my blog doesn’t miss me too much.  She also has a youthful exuberence that is second to none, fantastic blog and a fantastic blogger!



I have nominated this blog for other awards before, simply because I love their chic-ness.  I love that I can always guarantee that their blog will make me smile.  This blog has reignited my love for all things vintage, I have always said I love vintage not retro and this blog is the epitomy of that, it oozes style and is has frequent posts that make you wish you were in the 1940s every day!



Okay, so the bronze award goes to Video Game Girl, a fantastic variety blogger who has for me reignited my passion for fashion.  1. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL! 2. She is so quirky and naturally awesome plus she has an amazing etsy store too where she sells her wares including things made from recycled video game parts. TOO COOL!



This woman is a genius.


Wanna know what she has taught me? I’ll tell you what she’s taught me! She has taught me that simplicity is everything.  Sarah’s illustrations are beautiful, kitsch and humourous.  She is from Amsterdam which makes me want to go there EVEN more, her tattoos sound sooooo beautiful and I want her illustrations as wallpaper all over my house.  Her blog has made me discover my love for illustrated books again.



There are 3 reasons why I have nominated Cat for the Gold award.

1. Cat has a Photography blog, yet she is not a professional photographer.
2. She never fails to interact and get involved in other people’s blogs.
3. Her photographs depict her life, her ordinary every day beautiful life.

Cat has taught me a few things.  I now know that Horseshoe crabs are in fact real, the exist and are not a fictional creature from Jurassic Park.  I have come to learn that it’s no good just writing a blog, blogging is about the people you write for, and Cat is one of those people.  And finally, the biggest reason I have nominated her, is because, she has taught me to see the beauty in the small things.  Whether it be a flower growing from a high brick wall, an amazingly yellow building next to a whole street of grey, or a funny shaped carrot on a plate of dinner.


So there you go, please keep this award alive and start nominating those bloggers who you love to see on your feed, who teach you stuff and make you laugh and continue to brighten your blogging day!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,



How To Cure A Hangover

Firstly, I’d just like to start this post by apologising for my absence of late, I have a note from my mom, that states why I have been absent from wordpress and I promise to make up all the work in the next week…

Hangovers are a messy business, they hurt, they bother, they bug and they bum you out mayyn!


[hang-oh-ver] NOUN
1. the disagreeable physical aftereffects of drunkenness, such as a headache or stomach disorder, usually felt several hours after cessation of drinking.
2. something remaining behind from a former period or state of affairs.
3. any aftermath of or lingering effect from a distressing experience: the post-Watergate hangover in Washington.

THE HANGOVER, a great movie, not a great feeling!  Whether you have been slamming shots at a bachelorette party, drinking cocktails on a yacht, downing pints with the lads or hitting the box of vino in the fridge, drinking will always lead to some sort of hangover the next day.  If you suffer from a mild or even catatonic hangover, these remedies should help you get back to normal a.s.a.p.

So, here are my TOP 10 Hangover Cures, try them all out and see what works for you, and once you find it, you’ll want to kiss me, saying ‘goodbye’ to horrible hangovers for the rest of your life:)

If you have the stomach for it, and haven't already chimichanga'd all over your bathroom sink...


Mexican food is not probably the first thing that comes to mind when you crack open that one eye and realise, ‘oh yes that was a heavy night’  But it defintely should be on your list of things to remember.  Mexican food has some great hangover fighting properties that will have you reaching for the enchiladas in no time!

  1. Cilantro (Coriander) – Awesome Inflammation fighter.  So all those swollen heads and tight limbs, will be eased by this tasty little herb.
  2. Avocado – Packed full of Vitamin E and essential fatty acids, Avocados really help with the abosorbtion of moisture and other vital vitamins, so reach for the Guacamole my friends and get scooping with the nachos!
  3. Beans – Remember to pack in those refried beans on any dish you have, even ask for extra.  Beans are full of energy boosting fibre and loads of antioxidants which will help you start to feel less like a zombie and more human sooner than you can say ¿dónde está la salsa.
  4. Chillis – I learnt this lesson at Uni, Chillis are an incredible pain killer.  The hotter the better, pack them in and get chomping, the active ingredient in chillis will help combat the aches and pains from a heavy night on the tiles and give you the fiery boost to get up and out of bed.

What do you put in a toaster?


Now toast may not seem like a great cure-all creation, but it all depends on the topping!!

  1. MARMITE – This gooey spread has the entire world split in terms of its appeal.  If you are in #TEAMMARMITE then stock up if your planning a big night out.  Marmite is backed full of B vitamins which are good for your liver, kidneys and nervous system, all things damaged in some way by drinking alcohol!
  2. JAM – Now, you must make sure the jam is a majority fruit preserve or jelly.  If you have a high fruit content in your jam, the levels of fructose and fruit vitamins can actually promote the growth and repair of all body tissues.  Sweet huh?
  3. PEANUT BUTTER – Yes, I know it’s high in fat and very calorific, but you’ve just sank a tonne of calories on alcohol so go with me on this one!! Although high in fat, Peanut Butter is also high in fibre.  Get spreading and get those bowels moving!!
  4. HONEY – So, bees are annoying, but they truly did a marvellous job at creating the PERFECT hangover cure!  Honey is awesome, and if you like the taste then get spreading!  Honey has fantastic properties including being a natural antihistamine, anti-inflammatory AND anti-bacterial, honey boosts energy, can help with weight loss AND more importantly helps to speed up the oxidation of alcohol by the liver.  This causes a ‘sobering’ effect and can help you get going quicker the next morning.

Okay I agree, this picture is not really what we all look like trying to drink water in the mornings when all we can taste is that last cocktail and jaegerbomb!


Okay so this is an obvious one isn’t it?  but it generally does work.  Drinking alcohol can cause severe dehydration, which causes the brain to swell, which makes your head pound, your eyes hurt and your self inflicted hang over feel like your dying.  Drink some water duddde!! If not before you go to sleep definatly after to wake up, make it your first port of call.  You can also lose alot of electrolytes when drinking so after a few glasses of water try to have something like Lucozade, Poweraid or Gatoraid to replace those little fella’s in the old brainio!

If you can manage getting up and the mornign breath, CRACK ON MY FRIENDS! for the good of mankind get jiggy with it!


Okay, so, sex…or some sort of physically yummy time…BASICALLY,  *blushing*, COME ON L.J PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!! SEX IS A GREAT HANGOVER CURE, it gets all the endorphins going, makes you feel all stupid and happy and sweats out all the alcohol, now my mum reads my blog, and even has it bookmarked, so I can’t go into any detail for fear of getting a ‘talking to’ and having that feeling of utter embarassment wash over me like a wave of humiliation.  So this section gets a… just try it and see…..comment!!

Mix it up, get creative, but make them in advance do you don't have to hear that god awful, head ripping noise that is the blender!!


Now this one I think sort of explains itself.  Fruit and veg, blended up to create an explosion of taste and handfuls of multi vitamin goodness, blah blah blah… so here are the best combos 🙂

  1. CARROT ZINGER – Apples,Carrots & Ginger – Good for icky stomach
  2. MELON SQUEEZER – Frozen Strawberries, Watermelon & Fresh Lime – Vitamin C
  3. HAIR OF THE DOG – Cranberry Juice, Frozen Strawberries, Shot of Vodka – got the balls?
  4. BEEZ KNEES – Honey, Orange Juice, Natural Yoghurt – Sobers you up quickly
  5. MEXICAN STAND OFF – Pineapple, Pear, Ginger, Aloe Vera – Hydration



God my mouth is watering on this one!! This is my personal cure of choice, preferably cooked by someone else as the actual cooking process makes me icky, but all the same, the amazing combo of fat lard and grease mixed with some veg and meat tends to do the trick on pesky hangovers.  For those of my readers who remain outside of the U.K the ‘Good Old English Fry Up’ is a combination of foods, tossed in a frying pan one by one, to make a hungry man’s breakfast!


  1. Eggs (Fried, Poached, Scrambled, Boiled, anyway you prefer!)
  2. Bacon (In my opinion, GOT TO BE SMOKED!)
  3. Sausages
  4. Baked Beans
  5. Toast or Fried Bread (Bread usually fried after the bacon has been in the pan!!)
  6. Mushrooms
  7. Tomatoes
  8. Black Pudding (never on my plate, but the blood sausage likes to appear sometimes)
  9. Hash Browns (sometimes, in Cafés you get chips [fries] but not really often!)
  10. Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, Brown Sauce!!

Now it has to be fresh or it doesn't count you cheaters!!


Ginger is truly #Amazeballs if you don’t mind the taste honestly get it in everything!! Whack it in an early morning juice drink, slam it in a midday stir fry, boil it up with some honey and a tea bag for a fresh alternative, chop it up into some cookies and bake when you wake!  Ginger is a fantastic root – herb?? spice!! SPICE!! there we go, Ginger is a fantastic root spice, that can aide indigestion, sore throats, headaches, constipation, nausea AND vomiting and so much more.  Just a little bit and you can start to feel the effects.  I love to chop a little bit off, peel it, and smoosh it a bit to get the juice out, then dropping it in a pot of Chai tea, enahncing the flavour of the Chai and really giving myself an early morning WAKE UP call!!

No, Rupert Grint isn't a Hangover Cure, although I would gratefully do number #4 with him any day!! Ah hell where am I?? oh's not poor little Ronald Weasley, NO!! look closely at his top lip, IT'S MILK!!!
(Shameful perving over Rupert Grint, I apologise)

#8 – GOT MILK??

My mum has always told me, that before I go out drinking I should always drink a big glass of milk, just to line my stomach, I never do it but this got me to thinking, could milk be a good cure as well as a prevention method?  Doing some searching I realised that milk has some great properties for helping the day after a big drink…

    Milk has been proven to help ease the symptoms of stress and even PMS, as well as being a great energy booster milk can calm those worries of ‘what the hell did I do last night?’.
    Milk is packed full of Vitamin A & B which among other things helps with eyesight, feeling a bit hazy after a skinfull, sip a glass of milk to help get back that 20/20 vision.
    Milk is as many of you know is a good fighter against heartburn and indigestion.  After a belly full of beer, Milk can help repair that fragile stomach lining of yours, coating it and calming it ready for a large helping of hangover food!
    The proteins in milk, help to rebuild muscles, awesome after a gym session, but also great after a night where you’ve thrown a few shapes that you haven’t necessarily thrown in a while, a glass of milk ro two can help to reduce the soreness the next morning!!
    Sounds scary huh? It’s not honest!! I used to work at The Body Shop, and if there is one thing I know it’s that your skin is very important and surprisingly easy to damage!!  Milk is packed with Lactic and Amino Acids, 2 things that are rammed into expensive face creams, lotions and potions!  So fight that awful zombie face by always removing your make up before you sleep and drink some milk the next day to defeat that sallowed skin!

Yes that's right, Will Smith was entirely correct, THE ROBOTS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLDDDDDDDD, ermmm ok it's just an app but seriously, techy-cures?? what is the world coming to?


Thought you had seen it all?  Thought that I was scraping the bottom of the barrel??  Thought I was done making you think I had lost it???  WELL NOT FOR LONG MY BEAUTIES!!  What you see above you there is a neat little app.  An app that claims to relieve your hanovers through the power of low frequency theta and delta waves that calm and relieve the brain during a hangover.

Now, I am a slight simpleton when it comes to all this brainwaves and hovercraft talk, but I am a total geek at heart and wanted to know more, so here is my little guide to brainwaves…

  • BETA Your totally awake, completely active in the brainy department
  • ALPHA Your Daydreaming, meditating, relaxing with a few OHHHMMMMS
  • THETA Your drifting in and out of sleep, you know when you start to dribble
  • DELTA Your in deep sleep, where all functionality of the brain is taken outside of the imaginable and can operate outside the confines of linear space and time.

So you see, this app, replicates the two states in which your brain is at its calmest, most relaxed states allowing your hangover to subside as your mind quietens down a bit!  Try it for your self HERE and let me know how it works!

Definatly Dying, always dying...
"But mum I can't do the dishes, I'm dying..."
"Baby, I can't scrub your hairy back, I'm dying..."
"Dude, I would defeat your ass at MarioKart, but, I'm dying!"

#10 – Prevention Over Cure

Now, this is the part where I’m supposed to say, don’t drink, be good and healthy and don’t destroy your liver, do not have that 14th JaegerBomb, no that Cocktail will not taste nice repeated, and yes that 27th beer is definatly a bad idea.  But hell, we all do it, we all make mistakes, and we all have hysterical memories about ‘that guy who got naked and climbed the lamp post’.

The best way to stop a Hangover though is to be well prepared before you go out.  Always try to eat something, and don’t do that whole ‘if I don’t eat I’ll get drunker quicker’ thing, it’s reallllly bad for you and can actually cause tissue damage!! Try and line your stomach with carbs, they release their energy slowly and also give your stomach something to fight the alcohol with!  Drink a glass of milk as my mum says and when you get home, make some toast or grab something out your fridge.

If all else fails, hang onto the kitchen floor so you don’t fall off, keep your shoes on for alcoholic trips and remember not all dwarves are house elves, it’s not right to throw socks at them and scream ‘DOBBY YOUR FREE!’

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x



The Meaning of Friendship

Sometimes, in life, when your sat in that moment, when your totally alone, it’s your truest friends that cross your mind…

Mark Twain once said, “Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”  Throughout my life, there have been very dark moments of grief, moments that have seen me in the deepest of holes with nothing but my own hands to bring me out. At those moments, friends seem obsolete, friends seem to add more weight to already heavy hearts. Friends want to do so much for you, they want to help and bring you out of your sadness, but that weakened smile you return them always says the same thing, ‘Please, stop trying so hard’.

True friendship is defined as a natural reaction, to a feeling of unconditional love and ultimate support towards a person not of blood relation, in all areas of their life.  This is why, TRUE friends will take that weakened smile from you, turn around and make you a cup of tea, this is why TRUE friends can accept the worst of bad situations, and are willing to wait til the tides turn in your favour.

True friendship is like sitting inside a panic room, whilst the world spins out of control around you.  If  you watch children [in a non predatory totally innocent completely PC kind of way] they run around experiencing true friendship every moment of everyday.  They share and love so freely, they console without consideration of anything other than helping the hurt.  It’s only when we reach our teens that things get in the way of that pure sense of friendship, we start picking cliques, choosing styles, liking trends and well, growing up!  It’s only until you grow up some more that you realise, you kinda wish you were 5 again only arguing over who had the best sandwiches at lunchtime.


Friends have always meant ‘family’ to me, friends have always been more than someone to go shopping with…

In later life [I know i’m only 22 (23 on Saturday though) but I have friends of all ages] I think friends become more important, you start realising that all those FRIENDS you thought you had are now a very carefully selected FAMILY.  A bunch of people who literally know you better than you do, yes mates come and go throughout your time on this doomed planet of ours, but friends, they taken time to craft, they take investment.  They become the people who have scraped you off the pub floor, slapped you when you’ve been an arsehole, told you to man up when your being petty, hugged you when you’ve messed up and taken care of you when you’ve needed it most.

True friends aren’t necessarily there every day like the ‘best friends’ of yester year, true friends can go months without talking, as long as when they do talk it’s like you spoke 10 minutes ago and you wonder why they are calling again.  True friends aren’t the people that need your attention 24/7/365…true friends, only when they really have to, send you a text to request your urgent presence.

It’s only until we’re old and wrinkly that we go back to that innocence of friendship, that time it doesn’t matter who you talk to, your just happy to be talking.  That time when you share and love freely again, and if you are clever enough to keep life long friends til this time in your life, you start to realise that these may be the last times you spend with them, so you go back to doing silly things together, reminiscing about old times and setting out on new adventures with friends old and new, it’s just like being 6 again, because there are no barriers again, no restrictions or constraints, your back in that panic room without a care in the world apart from being together.


So, I shall end this post with a little story, a modern fable if you will…


When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. 

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. 

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar; he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between The golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the
jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced the two beers from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed. 

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full. 

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house
and your car. 

The sand is everything else—the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into
the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf
balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on
the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important
to you. 

‘Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend
time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with
grandparents.  Enjoy being with your friends.

Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play
another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the
disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really 

Set your priorities.

‘The rest is just sand.’ 

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beers
represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ 
The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’ 

And that my beauties, is The Meaning of Friendship.

Thank you for reading, I hope my post makes you think of your friends and who knows maybe you’ll send them a cheeky link to this to remind them that what you have is TRUE FRIENDSHIP.

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

EASTENDERS – Come back to me old friend!


Ethel – You two talking dirty?

         Den – You bet, Ethel, we were just wondering
what you look like with no clothes on.

                Ethel – I tell you, there was once a
time I could turn heads.

                              Den – Yeah, like the Excorsist!

Eastenders, what is happening to you? Why are you torturing me so?

If you have ever watched a TV soap before you tend to be in one of 5 camps…

    5. SIR-MIX-IT-ABOUT-ERS [ mix and match ]

I just so happen to be in camp 1           anddddddddd          4…

I have watched Eastenders since before Ethel died, I’ve watched Eastenders since BEFORE Mark left with HIV, I have watched eastenders since before Sonia was a wee nipper!  It’s tradition, 7.30pm [or 8pm on mondays and fridays] comes along, you gravitate to your nearest TV settle in, either with dinner or a cuppa and you all come together to revel in the over dramatic, far from reality but ‘JUST LIKE HER DOWN THE ROAD’ on screen antics.

The favourite parts for me have always been the crowd pullers, the special occasion Eastenders where it would be miraculously extended to an hour.  Like Christmas and Easter and mid-year when something gets set alight or dumped in the canal or sent to spain.  I love the relationships, Peggy and Frank, Frank and Pat, Ian and Laura, Hev and Minty, Den and Angie, Grant and Tiffany….you were invited to watch their every step, you cheered them on and hunted them down, you cried when they started and you cried when they ended, you watched them come and go and eventually get replaced with lesser couples and ‘greater’ storylines that wound up just being not as good as the old days.

I still watch Eastenders, I love it!  Misty Knight and I used to have competitions to see who could get home from the boy’s house at Uni quick enough to curl up in bed, call the other one and watch Eastenders sort of together!  We would battle with the lad’s to watch it at their house and would always end up watching it late at night on catch up, avidly discussing it the next day.  Even in my home now, if we go away for the night or are going to miss it, you better bet your bottom dollar it gets recorded.  Then there is the ultimate, you’ve missed it all week, you’ve avoided glancing at every magazine, reading forums and hearing spoilers, you’ve successfully made it to Sunday and there you have it… 2 and a half hours of Eastenders joy with no breaks, flowing like it was meant to, like a minature Eastenders movie.


I hear you all cry, well as an avid fan, [and someone who would love to be a writer for them or even better act on the show, I HAVE A DEGREE IN DRAMA AND I’M AWESOME IF EASTENDERS EXECs READ THIS!!!]  I have decided that I’m bored.  I’ve been reminiscing about my favourite couples and have decided upon a little countdown my friends!…



Now anythign to do with Peggy has always got my vote, and personally I think the character left in a really weak way!! Barbs is one of my fav actresses in British history and the show honestly has a void without her there.  The show, I feel lacks a matriarch, Peggy GONE Pat GONE Pauline GONE, Dot is really the only one left and she is the sort of character that lacks the brassy quality that the others did.  Peggy and Frank were a match made in heaven and were the perfect couple.


Oh my, you know I still remember that fateful christmas when Jamie died, I cried like every other 90’s girl who thought Jamie was ‘propa fit’ and thought sonia was doing for every NORMAL GIRL out there by getting with him!! They were the epitomy of 90’s love matching, they were truly a Take That generation couple and you knew that at their wedding they would have had ANGELS by Robbie Williams as their first dance song!! SNIFF SNIFF!!


OHHHH NO I’M GONNA CRY!!!  *holding it together* Now, Poison Ivy and myself have always had this long standing joke, that we needed to find a ‘Bradley’ and stop going for ‘Max’.  The Stacey and Bradders saga was one that we followed with epic proportions.  Awww didn’t she look beautiful on her wedding day 😥 Stace and Bradders weren’t without their troubles and had Poison Ivy and myself not had a massively embarrasing crush on Max Branning we would have told Stacey right off for cheating on Bradders with HIS DAD!!! tut tut, but he forgave her and then baby Lily was conceived [but not by Bradders :(] and then poor Bradders died.   IT’S SOOOOO SAD!!!!!!! ok moving on quickly…


Okay, now some people may think this is a weird one but for me it has the most relevance!! Roxie right now is going through a traumatic time, and her character is losing alot of her spunky nature than worked so well with Sean.  The writers at Eastenders need to get their butts in gear, and bring Sean back…HE DIDN’T DIE, WE WATCHED HIM WALK OFF!!!, Bring him the F back pleaseeeeeeee, we need his naughty boy character back and lose this ‘east end FAKE mafia’ thing that Derek Branning is FAILING big time at!!  Bring back Sean and mayeb him and the moon brothers can start it all up again, how it USED to be when mini den was around and Eastenders wasn’t SOOOOO predictable!!



So here we stand at the number one spot.  Grant and Phil, Phil and Grant, When will they be together again, why can’t they be together again, when will Grant stop playing bestfriendies with mexican gangs and get back to where he belongs!!!  Grant and Phil were amazing, THAT’S EAST END BAD BOYS!!! Maybe they should supply Jamie Foreman [the actor who plays Derek Branning] with a back catalogue of the brothers’ antics and show him what a real Albert Square Badman truly is instead of his poor ass attempt that is stagnant and highly irritating!

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT MY BEAUTIES! My Eastenders TOP 5 Couples Countdown a nice bit of fluff for the weekend 🙂

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

Countdown to the Summer

Summertime for me usually means 1 of 3 things…Garden Parties, Beetroot Salads and WOMAD.

I have been going to the WOMAD festival since the age of about 12-13ish, which makes this year the 10th year of my return.  Every year my family come together, my step sister [Poison Ivy] dyes her hair a fresh shade of awesome, my step brother [Batman] stocks up on the beer and whiskey and The parents [The Incredibles] start testing the tents and airbeds, filling the gas bottles and checking the solar powered lighting and I delve into the secret place in my wardrobe which harbours all the WOMAD clothing.

Now This year is the 30th Anniversary of the WOMAD festival, started by Peter Gabriel back in  [let me calculate this] 1982.  It’s also as I’ve said our families 10th year of the tradition of attending.  All this excitement has got me to thinking about the moments that were most special to me, moments that will stick in my head forever…when I was younger my siblings and I weren’t too fussed with the music, I once fell asleep in a crowd of thousands watching heavy dub reggae, but in later years I have really [To my step dad’s joy] finally taken an interest in the music, watching the line up change over the coming months, joining the forum to discuss potential acts and really investing in the festival that has grown to mean so much to me and my family.

As a youngster, for me WOMAD was like going into a book (bear with me).  When you drove into the site (originally in Reading, but even more so since the move to Charlton Park) at the old site you sort of drove around the barriers so you couldn’t see in, all you could see were these weird and wonderful cars and vans and people on roofs, and windows open with people hanging out in the sun, rear windows blocked by hoards of multicoloured banners and tent bags and boxes of wine.  To a child’s eye it was all magical, this feeling slumped towards the end of the Reading site’s history, by then us ‘kids’ were getting a bit older, starting to enjoy the bacardi breezers more than the party itself…then it moved to Charlton Park, and after a rough first year [THE YEAR OF WOMUD]…

Charlton Park recaptured my imagination, entering the site through the ‘purple gate’ going through a little castle gatehouse made you feel secretive and special driving into the tree lined fields, all the effort of dragging your makeshift home through the already worn down sandy coloured grass, with every step relinquishing a little more of the modern world, losing a shoe gaining a sandal, losing a sat nav and acquiring a programme, losing a house and moving into a tented home…

Unless you’ve been to WOMAD it’s hard to describe WOMAD, it’s not like Glastonbury or Reading or V fest, it’s just NOT.  Yes there are tents and music for younger people now, and even designated camping with a bar ON SITE!!, but it’s still not a normal festival.  It has balls at the same time as having respect.  It is unique at the same time as being popular.  Every person you pass generally smiles at you because you know the secret, you know the WOMAD truth just like they do.  Whether they are a newbie or an old timer, a WOMADspa goer or a DirtyFestieLover, your all the same, your all equals, there to enjoy good music, good food and a good time.

So to finish my introductory post about WOMAD, I thought I would share some of my favourite acts from my time at the festival.  I couldn’t include them all as youtube only provides so much for me, but I have included pictures throughout this post which are my own and my families of the festival we have grown to love, adore and cherish.

If the quality is not great I apologise, I tried to find the best ones online sadly there is no TV coverage of the WOMAD festival although it is on BBC radio 3.  So I have had to rely on audience footage.  I hope you enjoy none-the-less…

2011 – The Boxettes

Last year The Boxettes were literally jaw dropping! Every part of their music is created by their voices alone.  To create those sounds, I was dumb founded and so was the entire audience and the gatherin gfor their workshop as well.  I didn’t even touch my cider once throughout the performance I was that in awe of these girlies, if they came back for the 30th Anniversary I would cheer till my mouth pissed off for the rest of the festival!! check them out THE BOXETTES.  Their one and and only video for their single ‘FREE‘ is what drew me to them to begin with and I had heard from the london grapevine that is my friend Iron Man, that if I didn’t see them last year I’d regret it.

2010 – Imogen Heap

2010, was for me (and most of my family) THE best year at WOMAD.  Every single one of us, as we have very different tastes, found something we thoroughly enjoyed and we all came home positively beaming.  For me 2010 has a special place in my heart, as I got to see one of my favourite artists on the planet.  Imogen Heap was amazing and even though I was 3/4 of the way back in the Siam Tent, surrounded by very tall South Africans [who gave me a beer and let me stand on their step stool :)] it is still to this day the most emotionally powerful and affective performance I have ever seen.  I was totally overwhelmed in a way I never expected to be by music.

2010 – Imelda May

Also in 2010, we had the AMAZEBALLS set by the totally beautiful Imelda May, Now I was supposed to be going to a dubstep gig in the Big Red Tent but Poison Ivy persuaded me to stick with her and The Incredibles to watch Imelda, I was sceptical, I had heard of her but wasn’t all that fussed, so went off to get some food [My favourite Paella was on the cards that day] and as  I was walking back I heard this funky dirty beat, and these amazing rock’n’roll riffs and was dancing with my Paella wondering where it was coming from.  It was only when I saw Poison Ivy gesturing me into the crowd with a beer I thought ‘Okayyyyy now this bird is goooooood’.  Needless to say we bought the album and sang it like crazy people all the way home that year!

2009 – Nneka

Nneka was a discovery for me.  I saw her on the line up a few months before hand and got hooked on her track Heartbeat.  I was pumped to see her but my family weren’t too sure.  I convinced my step-dad that she was like warm honey on a bagel and he agreed to come and see her.  He loved her dolcet tones and the rest of the family loved the dancing beats which allowed them to boogie.  It was at that moment i said she would make awesome dubstep music.  6 months after WOMAD her track Heartbeat had been remixed by Chase and Status and was being played on BBC radio1! have I mentioned i’m a music psychic? *NEW POST ME THINKS*

2007 – The Dhol Foundation

And finally, The Dhol Foundation.  This group has a treasured and hallowed place in my families heart especially my mum’s.  Johnny Kelsi, the front man is an incredible force to be reckoned with and has the charm and wit to go with the immense amount of talent he displays in every single performance.  My mum blares their albums from her car like a regular boy racer, you can watch her smacking the steering wheel in time with the electric fusion beats and nodding her head, no in fact headbanging to the drops and kicks and intrigueing sounds on every single track.  She was heartbroken at WOMUD when we had to leave early before seeing them, and since then has not been able to see them.  If I ever won the lottery I would get them to do a private concert for her.


For now anyway, I will update as we get closer to the festival and I shall be live blogging from the site itself this year as well.  But until then enjoy the videos and check out the WOMAD website and buy some tickets yourself, if you do let me know and we can have a WordPress Bloggers Meet at the Chai Tent 🙂

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

I don’t wear Lipstick but if I did…














This last one is my favourite, I love the sharpness, the detail and the texture in the paint is awesome!! Much prefer it on a canvas on my wall though instead of on my ACTUAL lips.

Normal blogging will resume tonight orrrr maybe tomorrow,

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,,

L.J x






Okay guys, I am in trouble!! It has officially been studied and made all official and scary and worry-mongering ICE CREAM IS AS ADDICTIVE AS CRACK! 

That’s it, I will be relegated to the street corners of Soho, plugging my wares, selling my body for a piece of that fine ass chocolate chunk.  You will see me, hand open begging, pick-pocketing for just a slice of that cold creamy goodness. 

To any of my friends they would not call my insessant love for Ice Cream, an addiction as such.  Maybe The Thing would sympathise with me, as he too loves Ice cream.  There was nothing better than when we were at Uni, finding out  one of us had Ice Cream stashed somewhere, out of the reach of the Crack-Cream-Badgers that were other students!  we would grab two spoons, no bowls that’s for wuss’s!  Two spoons, an action packed/psycho thriller/make you thinker sort of film, we would snuggle up and enjoy the sensation of the ice cold frozen cream, slipping into your warm tummy, the chunks and delights giving you the beautiful texture and diversity in every pot.

Okay, I’m going to stop the psycho-ice-cream-babble right there and progress onto the report.  It seems like just another one of those, DID YOU KNOW, ‘everything you know and love is going to kill you’ reports that stems from people who literally get paid to go ‘hmmmmm I wonder if……….oh! YEP!’.  Obviously, Ice Cream is bad for you we know this, and what with the Indian Summer they keep predicting in England on it’s way, they probably want people to second guess having a cheeky cone (or 9 :S) but seriously…CRACK!?



  1. The study was complete on ‘average’ adolescents.  No overweight people or older OR younger participants were used in the study, so there fore the study technically is honing in on one very small population of people who lets be frank, ermmmm freakin’ love Ice-Cream!
  2. The study only tested Ice-Cream, NOT FAIR!!! why make us Ice-CREAMERS the bad guys?? What about those Gummy-Lovers [also me] and the Choco-Freakos? [ermmm also me] and HOW DO THEY KNOW that Pizza-Pickers [dammit also me] aren’t just like jumped up Smackheads? huh??? HUH???? [I need a fix sorry….1 Magnum later]
  3. The only studied the habits of these people for like 2 weeks….ermm what if they were ACTUAL crackheads like 3 weeks prior?? huh?? surely anything…even heavenly ice cream would have seemed like the class A equivelent, I know when I haven’t had ice cream for a while, Frozen Yoghurt can always substitute…
  4. the counter player was a ‘tasteless liquid’ (clearly piss!) that’s not fair, NO-ONE CAN RESIST THE FLAVOUR OF ICE-CREAM!!!






[ok, maybe there is some truth in it? I’m on the phone with Ice-Cream rehab as we speak…]

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x


p.s if you want to read the report click the ice cream parlour image it should take you to the NHS article with all the relevant information 🙂

Kreativ Blogger Award – Have you been nominated?

 Well, I shall start off this ceremony of giving by first showing my appreciation for the beautiful blogger who nominated me!

LAURISSA HUGHES, is by far one of my favourite blogs on the internet let alone just on WordPress!  Her comics have me physically hunched over with laughter.  She has an amazing style and wit to her comics which is rarely found now-a-days.  So first and foremost, THANK YOU LAURISSA!! here are all her details check out every single one!!

LAURISSA HUGHES – Website, Blog, SketchBlog, TwitterTumblr, LinkedIn
Please give her a looksie, and a final THANK YOU to Laurissa for nominating me, it meant the world to me MY FIRST AWARD 🙂



  1. You must Thank the blogger who granted YOU the award, providing links to their website and any relevant information about them that you desire to disclose to your readers.
  2. You must write 7 interesting facts about you, these can be purely informational or as personal as you like, no rudey nudey facts though!
  3. Then you must nominate 7 others for the ‘Kreativ Blogger Award’ and provide the links, also notifying them of their achievement.

7 Interesting Facts About TheCommonTarté herself, L.J.Simms…

  1. I love Sci-fi, in fact I’m an utter geek about it, not so much the whole Star Wars/Star Trek kind of Sci-Fi, more the superheroes/villains/bust yo’ assssss kind of sci-fi.
  2. I go to a music festival called WOMAD every year, [WorldOfMusicAndDance] it is for me the most  amazing place, and for 5 days a year [we go early] it is my heaven.  One day I hope to get married at this festival!
  3. If I ever crave food it will be 1 of 5 things; McDonald’s Strawberry Milkshake, PB&J Sandwiches, Ice Cream, Salted Cashew Nuts or Macaroni Cheese.
  4. I started blogging to help me in the healing process for my depression.
  5. I have THE most complicated family, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
  6. My ideal man would wear wayfarer glasses, have a beard, tattoos and would want to curl up together to listen to 1990’s indie records.
  7. I love the C word.

7 Nominees for ‘The Kreativ Blogger’ Award…[and links!]

    This is a place where you can find news, reviews and opinions on those things that geeks do for fun – movies, games, comics, books and more!
    This blog is one of those blogs, that is always popping up on my Read Blogs feed, I like something at least every day, beautiful pictures and a beautiful outlook on everything vintage!  Plus, it’s definitely unique from every other VINTAGE site in that it blogs QUALITY not just QUANTITY.
    I LOVE THIS BLOG, In recent months I have opened myself up to the possibility of spirituality, and Shannon’s view on peace and wellbeing is awesome.  I especially love her recipes!!
    Okay, so being a plus sized lassie myself, I’m always very sceptical about PLUS SIZE FASHION blogs, ‘ohhh your beautiful’ ‘merrrr’ This blog is actually THE ONLY ONE I follow, she has great fashion sense and has really boosted my confidence in mixing it up a little bit!
    Erica is a new edition to my blog family, she is fun, fresh and a breath of clean sea air on my blog feed, I’ve been following her on twitter too!
  6. CATBIRD365
    I love Cat’s PhotoBlog, plus she is a courteous blogger.  She always comments the most heart warming things and fills my wordpress with kindness.  We have a lot in common so if you like my blog pop over to hers for cute and interesting photos on the 365 days project 🙂
    These sisters are doing it for themselves, their recipes are amazing, the photography is kitsch elegance personified! they are fun, cool and more and more intrigueing with EVERY recipe!! LOVE THEM!!

 And that my darling’s is that!

Please give all my nominees a little looksie and to all my nominees I hope to see your nominations soon!

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

Confessions of a Bad Brunch…

The most disappointing Brunch I've had in a LONG time

Brunch is a meal that should be eaten in delightful surroundings [CHECK!]  whether in bed, at a drive thru, or with your mum, step-mum and little sister in ROYAL Tunbridge Wells…

As a group we can be pretty hard to handle, we all have our own little quirks, things that we enjoy when eating out.  My mum likes comfort, food that fills you with that ‘MMmmmmMmm’ feeling.  My  sort of kinda Step-Mum, likes something with raisins, eccles cake, fruit cake, tea cake…anything raisin and cakey she’s on it!  My sister and I are pretty similar, we both TRY to watch our food and are both watching the weight [both going in opposite directions she goes down, I go up]  but all in all we like good food, helps if it’s cheap and  we can’t abide dirt or rudeness…(oh dear,oh dear)


I should start at the beginning as that is where it all began, the bad food was definitely overshadowed by the bad service that was apparent from start to finish.

We sat down outside the delightful WOODS restaurant, it was a casual Saturday so we didn’t expect too much, a light lunch/brunch with a few cuppa-T’s to see in a lovely sisterly weekend.  We sat down and after shuffling round chairs [wobbly] and moving tables [also wobbly] and we settled on the prime position equidistant from sun and shade.  Everyone outside seemed jolly and happy, pleased to be outside on a gorgeous sunny day enjoying the warmth with friends and family alike, that is all except the waiting staff.

With sour faces, and blunt and hardly even there voices I can say the customer service skills were matched by….well no one, I’ve had better service in a packed out kebab shop full of drunks at 4am.  My sister and I commented on the lack of cheer from the café elves but stuck with the place due to the Mothers’ interest in the interesting menu….ohhhhh YES


The location of WOODS, gives it a certain precedence when it comes to pricing.  A restaurant, in The Pantiles, in ROYAL Tunbridge Wells gives WOODS an initial excuse when it comes to their outrageous prices.  What makes that excuse an outright disgrace is the quality of the food which is served to your table…


As stated above, we all had different tastes at our table… and it went a little something like this…

Customer 1 decided upon a hearty Wintery Soup, still suitable for spring with it’s combination of  crisp carrots and I hear alot of pepper


[the cracked black kind]  it was definitely a warmer of the winter kind.  The butter was served in a neat little black dish, although very hard and rather salty it was butter all the same, accompanied by some beautiful breads, fresh and fluffy, the soup was a winner.  Customer 1 gobbled it straight up and didn’t have a bad word to say about their suitable dish for when the grey sky clouded our day and cast a shadow upon the meal…

Customer 2 decided she would go for a suitable snack to go with her tea as the weather started to turn chilly.  We ordered our drinks about 15 minutes after sitting down, and after asking for some sugar twice, and doing that weird gesture to get the attention of the gentleman waiter who seems to have an automatic sight level of…STRAIGHT OVER MY HEAD, in the end we had to pinch the bowl of rancid looking sugar’cubes?’ from the empty table next to us.  Once customer 2 got the sugar for her now lukewarm tea, and was served her toasted teacake, she was again, similar to Customer 1 reasonably pleased…until that is, she spotted the bottom of the crockery her food, specifically her butter pot and the tea pot.  Now as someone who has worked in kitchens, I know the standards to which lesser restaurants and establishments have adhered to  having had to be the one to individually polish the knives and lose break-time to de-stain the crockery.  What I am about to show you is, in my opinion, not acceptable in a greasy spoon, let alone a restaurant charging above the odds for a mere cuppa!!

This ran down the entire length of the spout, and lined the entire inside of the lid, it meant that the tea had an odd look, like an oil slick, atop the tea…

This was not created by Customer 2 may I add as we tried to scrape some off to no avail,  just in need of a damn good soak…

So, food is going well at this point, crockery, service and drinks…not so good, but I’m not entirely disgusted, I’m hanging on by a swag of delicate muslin fabric not quite a thread…

Customer 3, myself, and I went for Eggs Benedictine, which I must say I love seeing on a menu.  It’s not often restaurants take the time to think of those who don’t like to smell like the ocean at breakfast.  Eggs Benedict is always on menus and I was delightfully surprised to see the ‘TINE’ at WOODS, so finding that nothing else tickled my fancy, I ordered it straight away.  [wish I had gone for the fish fingers and chips on the kids menu]  My eggs were revolting, clearly a chef who was not well trained enough to cook a poached egg without using alot of vinegar in his water because my eggs were overpowered by the stuff,  it filled the small pockets of water in the snottiest of eggs.  I stuck with it because by the time my food arrived I was starving, but ended up leaving 1/3 of my meal.  for £7.75 I expected the smoked ham to be the type that at least looks fresh, not straight out of a packet from ASDA, I expected it to be thick and sumptuous, it was not.  I expected the Hollandaise to be bright and luxurious in flavour, but the vinegar from the snotty eggs mixed strangely and caused the sauce to become bitter, all this on top of a soft and soggy ‘toasted’ English Muffin was to say the LEAST, outrageously disappointing on every single level.  My Mum had to stop me from complaining, and had I not had a small-ISH hangover I would have told the Manager where to go and where to send their chef back to school!


Customer 4, the little sister…Now I need to state here and now, my sister is a wonderful creature, ‘Jade Lantern’ has a loud voice, a beautiful smile and a similar tolerance for bullsh*t to myself.  Having worked in customer service [again, similar to myself] ‘Jade’ knows the importance of looking busy and keeping the customer happy, hence her similar distaste for the NON-EXISTENT service we received.  ‘Jade’ ordered the Steak and Caramelised Onion Ciabatta, with grilled mushroom and side salad.  She was not asked how she wished her steak to be cooked, a vital error as we were in the middle of talking and she in turn forget to say ‘you best not bring that thing out moo-ing!!’  When it arrived, it has to be said, not only did her dish look spot on for the price [£7.95 only 20p more than my EGGS!] but it looked wholesome, tasty and mighty munchworthy.  Now, since when do you have to use a knife AND fork for a pre-cut essentially sandwich? DING DING DING you guessed it WOODS!!!!  I’m so past the point of badmouthing these guys now, I’ve got to the point where I feel sorry for them, times must be hard if you have to charge top drawer prices for a brunch that would have been more enjoyable in every way [barr the sunshine outside] at a McDonald’s Drive Thru….

Apologies WOODS, you have for now lost a customer due to your below par standards.

Don’t worry, in Arnie’s words ‘I’ll be Back’ to see if this review and the many others I have found online gets your butts into gear and starts you off on a little journey of improvement.  If you need some help Holla at your girl, I know customer service!!

So keep a watch out, I may come tomorrow, next week or 6 months from now, but I will be waiting, I will be watching and I will be inspecting those teapots!

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x


If you fancy checking it out for yourself readers the website is above and it’s in Tunbridge Wells, KENT! ADVANCE WITH CAUTION but do give them a chance…

I honestly hope they’re out there…

As a passionate Sci-fi writer [I’m writing my first book at this very moment] I have always thought that ‘Aliens’ are a very real concept…

E.T Terrified me as a child, you wanna know why? because I honestly believed that there were people who weren’t people.  You know how when you were a child, that funky smelling Granny round the corner always used to double flick her alien eyelids at you, and the janitor at school definatly had a lizard tongue!

Aliens and U.F.Os, are for alot of people just an idea, fabricated by Hollywood to incite fear and kill off actual suspicion.  I mean honestly think about it, when you saw Alien vs. Predator did it make you think “OH WOW THIS IS REALLY REAL I WILL BE EATEN BY ALIENS TOMORROW” or on the more sensible hand, did you think “AWESOME GRAPHICS, I HOPE THEY DON’T MAKE ANOTHER ONE”?? Be honest, Hollywood and the powers at be have made it so that Aliens and other life forms other then the mighty mighty humans,  have a ginormous shadow of doubt hanging over them.

I sat today, as I do when brainstorming for my book, researching and trawling Google, and I came across fascinating finds, but every time there was this little niggling doubt in my stomach, every word I read, every picture I viewed, every video I watched I couldn’t help but think…these people all sound crazy, and that’s awful I WANT TO BELIEVE THEM!  I want to be swept away by this idea that we are not alone, but again there goes that little niggling feeling…”aren’t we?”

AND THIS IS WHAT PROVED IT TO ME, ALIENS ARE REAL, THEY WALK AMONG US, because I am convinced that they are the ones who tell us that they’re fake! It’s an ingeniuns plan if you think about it, convince a planet you’re not real then living all around them merrily minding your own business, then one day BABOOOM Aliens take over the world!

Keep an eye out for them Grannies!!

L.J x

The Future’s Bright, The Futures…APPLE!

I’m a Blackberry Owner.


It’s images like these that not only make me do a slight happy wee in my Tuesday Panties, but also make me sick with envy and desperate for my phone upgrade [still got 3 months to wait].

When I chose my Blackberry Curve 2 years ago [yes I’m that stupid] I thought to myself you know what, everyones got BBM, iPhones don’t have BBM, iPhones just have pretty games, I don’t need games, L.J can do business on Blackberry, L.J NO NEED IPHONE..

Update: I need an iPhone 😥

This is a concept design for the iPhone 5, and I have to say its a thing of beauty.  I’m loving the idea of the ergonomically designed casing, the brushed aluminium steel AND the integration of the glowing apple is something I’ve always wanted from an apple phone.  That quintessentially ‘APPLE’ icon of the delicate glowing forbidden fruit, like you have been handed the technology of the gods is what I have always felt the iPhone and iPod have missed out on.

These concept designs are by a chappy called Federico Ciccarese, and he has done some amazing work, so much so that I reckon his designs may be looked at by the bosses at be at Apple! They’d be crazy not to, his design for the AppleTV (iScreen) is phenomenal, a curved design again with integrated SIRI, how long will it be before we come home and our TV says ‘Awww hunnie, hard day at work?, here’s a violent slasher movie to put a smile on your face! pppssstt, spoiler alert, PARIS HILTON DIES’.

All these new inventions from Apple honestly have me chomping at the bit to upgrade to an iPhone in June, just to get on the ladder.  The only part of Apple I’ve ever invested in is my iPod and I wouldn’t leave home without it.  I think in 10 years time, Apple will honestly be the ones who teleport us to different worlds, Microsoft put simply, just aren’t cool enough!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading.

L.J x

Well I just spilt Yoghurt all down my front!

You know those depressing moments, when you google your blog and realise you actually have no impact on the google search engine what so ever.  That awkward moment when you think your blog is totally amazeballs yet you don’t appear til page 2,000,000 of the results that google miraculously found in under a nanosecond…

Well my friends, today I may have had a slight orgasm when I found that my teeny tiny blog IS NUMBER FREAKING 4!!!! out of a kazillion links, my blog came up 4th! all beit underneath but none-the-less!!

Uber happy today, I am in the process of writing a bigger post later on so keep your eyes peeled, just wanted to say thank you to every person who has read my blog, you’ve made me a very happy tarte!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

Navigation Nessie #2

"Hi, can anyone here tell me if I have this the right way up?"

Navigation Nessie #1

Navigating these waterways is hell when your not quite sure whats underneath you!


Paper Crane Update…

A month ago today I attempted to cross item Number #20 Off my Apocalypse Bucket List.  Number 20 was for me something I never thought I would achieve, to be honest it as a booster item, that’s why it said ATTEMPT to give up smoking, not ACTUALLY give up smoking.  I started making paper cranes to find something to do with my hands and in my first week I made 103.  Every time I wanted to roll a cigarette I would find some paper, any paper, I even used a bus ticket or two…

[Current Total of Cranes: 346]

1 month ago today I started to ‘attempt’ to give up…I will be honest it’s been really hard, who knew giving up the old ciggie would make you feel like a rabid racoon set on mauling every human who passes you?  As I continued, making the paper cranes, I found that I didn’t need to as much, as the cravings started to wear off It was only in those moments of UTTER desperation that I would find the nearest scrap of anything papery, (i’ve been known to fold a sturdy fabric ripped from the breaking base of my favourite handbag :[ ) and fold a crane.

I’ve now basically lost most of the cravings, I think I have officially given up smoking, and it feels…

sooooo PANTS!!

Yep that’s right I said it, I WISH I STILL SMOKED!! If I go to the pub now I get left for half an hour whilst everyone goes outside in the cold for a fag and end up MOVING the party outside!!

AND ANOTHER THING, everyone in my family smokes, yup that’s right, I have to segregate myself from everyone so I don’t inhale their hands just because it’s there!  As I said the cravings have dissappeared, I don’t NEED a cigarette I just WANT one, ‘cos it looks like fun!

My nails are finally starting to grow again, BRILLIANT…..NO! Now I have to paint and manicure them every week or I end up looking like someone from the Guinness Book of Records!

AND MY TASTEBUDS ARE REPAIRING THEMSELVES YIPEEEEE, HELLLLLLL NO!!! Now chocolate tastes sweeter, salt tastes sooooo damnnnnn good, and MILKSHAKES!!! OH-MY-JEHAAAAYSUS! Milkshakes taste like nectar now, So long to the weightloss!

Okay, bright side because otherwise I will lick the nearest ashtray…