Weapons of Self-Doubt Destruction

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Have you ever had one of those moments?
total silence…alone with your thoughts.
 

not in a negative way, just a random pause where not a single f*ck is being given, by you, at that very precise moment in time, not a single; worry, bother, thought, idea, solution, single damn f*ck is crossing your brain and its just quiet….I had one today I think it may have been an epiphany…

moiI should probably first reintroduce myself to the wordpress community, I am sad to say I have not been posting for a very long time.

Instagram kind of took over a little bit as it was easier to post whilst face deep in pillows, selfieing my new shade of “melted chocolate noir” hair dye that still won’t cover the red I put on it 2 years ago……hey ho we live to find the perfect shade!

I took  a little break from posting, the ‘apocalypse doomsday countdown’ kind of came and went, the world did not blow up into oblivion, and i carried on with life, got on with my new dayjob and it really took over my life.

I made some wonderful new friends, moved to a new home, became an aunty of a now 1 year old superbaby, loved, lost, got two new inked arms, alot happened and i sorta forgot to tell you.

It’s so odd coming back to a blog after such a long time, when you really get into it, start writing it every other day replying to people interested in the same things you are, I almost feel I have been cheating on wordpress it’s awful.  I suppose the reason I came back is that I ticked off a couple of really major ones on my list and at the same time lost my job last week.  I decided it was time to come home.

So now time is no excuse, hopefully I can bake you a macaroni cheese, make some margheritas, sit you all down and have a chit chat, I’ve got so much to tell you and not alot of space to do it in!!!

SO! FIRSTLY…..

When i stopped blogging, I became addicted to Instagram which leads me to my first update section, I’ve always raved about my obsessions here and I certainly have gained some new ones all because of someone I actually first started following here before i got married to my iphone.  When i began reading her blog The Wardrobe Challenge I didn’t have what you would call an ‘image’, in fact before I started writing my blog and reading others on here I didn’t really know much about myself at all really.  Reading Hanna’s posts encouraged me to start looking at myself differently even if that meant  just starting at my wardrobe.

What a beauty, I can only thank you for the impact you have had on me...

What a beauty, I can only thank you for the impact you have had on me…

It’s no secret to readers of my blog in the past that I suffer from the blues (I hate using the other word it seems so medical to me) but I found that by writing, not necessarily about my feelings but things i enjoyed and reveled in, it gave me a release for those blues, and reading other peoples journeys on here like Hanna’s really helped me to battle alot of self loathing I had felt for a very long time.
Along with the help of my amazing best friend Storm, (yes the superhero disguises are still on! ;P ) and following people like Hanna over this past year has helped me become a new much happier version of myself.

Hannah’s blog The Wardrobe Challenge actually led me to her Instagram blog ‘fattyschallenge’ it was actually through following Hanna that I started some of my new obsessions, instead of reading blogs I took a break and chose the picture books of Instagram.

It was there I found new inspiration in the amazing shapes of my Holy Trinity of Instagram obsessions.

Her Royal Highness, Miss Tess Munster.

I can only show you a snippet of how Tess effects people and brings them back to themselves.

I can only show you a snippet of how Tess effects people and brings them back to themselves.

I started following Tess through Hanna, I noticed one of her hashtags was…

#effyourbeautystandards.

clicking on the link I discovered this absolute knockout who really drove me to look at myself differently.

She looks like an oil painting, truly beautiful, crazy hella beautiful...

She looks like an oil painting, truly beautiful, crazy hella beautiful…

I want to motorboat this woman so badly!!!

I want to motorboat this woman so badly!!!

Tess is an amazing woman, not only does she work as a plus size model but she is an insanely awesome mother to the cutest little man around.

She rocks herself, and encourages others to do the same, whatever their size, race, hairstyle or age she encourages you to be happy for you not for others.

#effyourbeautystandards is a signal to stop trying to live up to others unrealistic expectations of how you should live your own life, its yours to live not theirs, if that leather skirt feels good on your body, and that crop makes you feel sexy, WEAR IT.  If your style is different to those around you, don’t hide away and change yourself to fit in, be what makes you happy, be WHO YOU WANT TO BE and be proud to be that.

Tess has opened my eyes to what is possible with my own body,

seeing her beautiful partner’s love for her and who she is shows me that love isn’t just for ‘perfect’ people because my idea of ‘perfect’ was totally distorted, following Tess has made me realise everyone is perfect, every single person that is living their life to the full is perfect and everyone, even me, deserves love.

Total babe, her style is on point and she just is one of those people i really want to have a cocktail with!

Total babe, her style is on point and she just is one of those people i really want to have a cocktail with!

Tess pushes the boundaries of my mind and really makes me think about the person I want to be.  I’ve never much thought about my own identity, always been too bothered by “fitting in” that i often put myself on the outside and had the total opposite outcome compared to what i was wishing and praying for.

If you have Instagram, Facebook, the internet any of those things check Tess out even if its just to stare at the beauty herself but read some of her work, see how her presence in peoples lives has truly changed the thoughts and outlook of those people around the world, she saved me from remaining lost and helped me to take ownership of my own identity and not be scared what people will think of me, #effyourbeautystandards and live up to my own instead.

So who is next? Hmmmm, well I did say Holy Trinity didn’t I? so number two would be….

Honor Elizabeth Curves…

Again how do I even begin to describe this woman? this beacon?

What an absolute STAR

What an absolute STAR

this light to so many people…

Honor began another hashtag movement similar to that of Tess’s #effyourbeautystandards.

Honor’s movement #HonorMyCurves is a shoutout to all people, men and women alike to embrace their body at any size, thin and short, tall and large, medium and neither, Honor embraces everything she advocates, she is a 6ft2 pillar of beauty and is never afraid to go for an outfit that challenges her.

Just like Tess, Honor is a woman for the people, I have never posted something to her without a response, she encourages your journey as well as inviting you onto hers.

She’s a runner, and watching her progress through the different runs with her friends and family has been a joy and really made me take a second look at my exercise regime (psst I don’t have one!).

She also writes for SKORCHMagazine, bringing her own

Take a moment to check out her page, its inspirational posts like this that have, at times, kept me going on my own journey.

Take a moment to check out her page, its inspirational posts like this that have, at times, kept me going on my own journey.

individual sense of the world to so many through her writing and instagram posts, Honor really fights for her cause, tooth and nail.

Honor is an Instagram must have, her posts will brighten up your day and when you see how much this girl can run, BUOY!!! you wont want to stay on the sofa wallowing in self pity any longer, my holy trinity of “go getters” especially Honor have made me rethink how I view myself.

I’m not stuck in a hole, I’m not a condition, I’m not a disgrace or a mistake I AM LA LA SIMMS and I am proud to be who I am.  I can only thank these women for what they have done for me without even knowing it.

So, Drumroll please for my third and final woman of self-doubt destruction (I think it will make for a nice new hashtag #weaponofselfdoubtdestruction hmmm) I have definitely saved this person til last for a major reason.  When I first fled to Instagram I stumbled across this amazing woman who gave me a proverbial kick up the ass.  Her story is one of the most amazing versions of weight-loss stories I have ever heard, seen and followed.  Now, I must say I didn’t follow her  due to the fact that she lost weight.  I followed her because her courage, stamina and drive to better her life for the unforseeable future has inspired me.  So I can only bow down to her and introduce someone who has become my Instagram Hero…..

FAT2FLACA… 

A.K.A Janeida, a young, Puerto-Rican, Chicago Diva who underwent a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) on April 25, 2012.  Her journey is incredible.

What an absolute stunner!! Janeida you are so beautiful, watching your transformation has brought light to my dark days and shown me that anything is possible.

What an absolute stunner!! Janeida you are so beautiful, watching your transformation has brought light to my dark days and shown me that anything is possible.

I started following Janeida at the point where she had had the surgery and was already working out like a boss.  In the short time that i have been following her story I have grown to love her ‘eat clean’ recipes and tips to get started exercising not to lose weight but to be healthy.

Janeida now volunteers free cooking lessons in her local community to spread her message further than her own kitchen.  She also leads dance, exercise and zumba classes to encourage others to feel better about themselves in a safe and comfortable environment.
She’s gone past the point of enriching her own life and has stretched out her hands to the people around her and invited them into the struggle of her story and shown them that they too can make a change.

Her journey has inspired me not to shed the pounds necessarily, but to look at my lifestyle and recognise the unhealthy behaviours that I have managed to stick myself to.
Through Janeida I have found comfort in knowing its a JOURNEY

Beauty comes in all sizes...so true, beautiful then and beautiful now, the body may have changed but the person inside and the smile on your face hasn't.

Beauty comes in all sizes…so true, beautiful then and beautiful now, the body may have changed but the person inside and the smile on your face hasn’t.

you need to be on, nothing happens instantly and nothing happens without hard work and determination to change.
Again I repeat this is not just about losing weight it’s about acceptance.  It’s about fighting the demons of staying the same, staying unhappy, staying put in a cycle that never gives you results.  Make the change to be a better you, a happy you whatever that might mean.

Janeida and her beautiful wife have brought comfort to me over the past months, seeing true love as strong as theirs and the beauty they are as a couple has touched my heart and opened my mind to the idea that Love is a powerful thing and a love like theirs is truly special.

So, that wraps up my return to wordpress post.  

With many more to come and alot of new changes to the site it will take some time but I hope you can share in my Instagram love and shows these ladies some support.  My Holy trinity ‘Weapons of Self-doubt Destruction’ are worth a look and take a stroll round Hanna’s stuff too, she is afterall the reason I continued to follow her own blog and discover these beauties along the way.

Thanks for Reading,

La La Simms

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THANK YOU READERS OF WORDPRESS

Paper Crane Update…

A month ago today I attempted to cross item Number #20 Off my Apocalypse Bucket List.  Number 20 was for me something I never thought I would achieve, to be honest it as a booster item, that’s why it said ATTEMPT to give up smoking, not ACTUALLY give up smoking.  I started making paper cranes to find something to do with my hands and in my first week I made 103.  Every time I wanted to roll a cigarette I would find some paper, any paper, I even used a bus ticket or two…

[Current Total of Cranes: 346]

1 month ago today I started to ‘attempt’ to give up…I will be honest it’s been really hard, who knew giving up the old ciggie would make you feel like a rabid racoon set on mauling every human who passes you?  As I continued, making the paper cranes, I found that I didn’t need to as much, as the cravings started to wear off It was only in those moments of UTTER desperation that I would find the nearest scrap of anything papery, (i’ve been known to fold a sturdy fabric ripped from the breaking base of my favourite handbag :[ ) and fold a crane.

I’ve now basically lost most of the cravings, I think I have officially given up smoking, and it feels…

sooooo PANTS!!

Yep that’s right I said it, I WISH I STILL SMOKED!! If I go to the pub now I get left for half an hour whilst everyone goes outside in the cold for a fag and end up MOVING the party outside!!

AND ANOTHER THING, everyone in my family smokes, yup that’s right, I have to segregate myself from everyone so I don’t inhale their hands just because it’s there!  As I said the cravings have dissappeared, I don’t NEED a cigarette I just WANT one, ‘cos it looks like fun!

My nails are finally starting to grow again, BRILLIANT…..NO! Now I have to paint and manicure them every week or I end up looking like someone from the Guinness Book of Records!

AND MY TASTEBUDS ARE REPAIRING THEMSELVES YIPEEEEE, HELLLLLLL NO!!! Now chocolate tastes sweeter, salt tastes sooooo damnnnnn good, and MILKSHAKES!!! OH-MY-JEHAAAAYSUS! Milkshakes taste like nectar now, So long to the weightloss!

Okay, bright side because otherwise I will lick the nearest ashtray…

I AM VERY PLEASED TO CROSS OFF ITEM NUMBER #20 ON MY BUCKET LIST, THIS IS AN AMAZING DAY, please kill me, THIS IS A MILESTONE I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE ACHIEVED, seriously waste me right now, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH CLEAN AIR IN MY LUNGS AND I AM PROUD TO SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH YOU ALL, I’ll pay you 100 bucks just bash me in,  THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS NEW AND OLD WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME THROUGH THIS TOUGH MONTH, I could be a disney villain with the amount of rage I have right now, CHEERS FOR READING EVERYBODY, die a slow and painful death, HAPPY BLOGGING!

L.J.SIMMS x

Proverbial Doughnuts and Everything…

Yes, that's really my face right there...mmm icing!