Weapons of Self-Doubt Destruction

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Have you ever had one of those moments?
total silence…alone with your thoughts.
 

not in a negative way, just a random pause where not a single f*ck is being given, by you, at that very precise moment in time, not a single; worry, bother, thought, idea, solution, single damn f*ck is crossing your brain and its just quiet….I had one today I think it may have been an epiphany…

moiI should probably first reintroduce myself to the wordpress community, I am sad to say I have not been posting for a very long time.

Instagram kind of took over a little bit as it was easier to post whilst face deep in pillows, selfieing my new shade of “melted chocolate noir” hair dye that still won’t cover the red I put on it 2 years ago……hey ho we live to find the perfect shade!

I took  a little break from posting, the ‘apocalypse doomsday countdown’ kind of came and went, the world did not blow up into oblivion, and i carried on with life, got on with my new dayjob and it really took over my life.

I made some wonderful new friends, moved to a new home, became an aunty of a now 1 year old superbaby, loved, lost, got two new inked arms, alot happened and i sorta forgot to tell you.

It’s so odd coming back to a blog after such a long time, when you really get into it, start writing it every other day replying to people interested in the same things you are, I almost feel I have been cheating on wordpress it’s awful.  I suppose the reason I came back is that I ticked off a couple of really major ones on my list and at the same time lost my job last week.  I decided it was time to come home.

So now time is no excuse, hopefully I can bake you a macaroni cheese, make some margheritas, sit you all down and have a chit chat, I’ve got so much to tell you and not alot of space to do it in!!!

SO! FIRSTLY…..

When i stopped blogging, I became addicted to Instagram which leads me to my first update section, I’ve always raved about my obsessions here and I certainly have gained some new ones all because of someone I actually first started following here before i got married to my iphone.  When i began reading her blog The Wardrobe Challenge I didn’t have what you would call an ‘image’, in fact before I started writing my blog and reading others on here I didn’t really know much about myself at all really.  Reading Hanna’s posts encouraged me to start looking at myself differently even if that meant  just starting at my wardrobe.

What a beauty, I can only thank you for the impact you have had on me...

What a beauty, I can only thank you for the impact you have had on me…

It’s no secret to readers of my blog in the past that I suffer from the blues (I hate using the other word it seems so medical to me) but I found that by writing, not necessarily about my feelings but things i enjoyed and reveled in, it gave me a release for those blues, and reading other peoples journeys on here like Hanna’s really helped me to battle alot of self loathing I had felt for a very long time.
Along with the help of my amazing best friend Storm, (yes the superhero disguises are still on! ;P ) and following people like Hanna over this past year has helped me become a new much happier version of myself.

Hannah’s blog The Wardrobe Challenge actually led me to her Instagram blog ‘fattyschallenge’ it was actually through following Hanna that I started some of my new obsessions, instead of reading blogs I took a break and chose the picture books of Instagram.

It was there I found new inspiration in the amazing shapes of my Holy Trinity of Instagram obsessions.

Her Royal Highness, Miss Tess Munster.

I can only show you a snippet of how Tess effects people and brings them back to themselves.

I can only show you a snippet of how Tess effects people and brings them back to themselves.

I started following Tess through Hanna, I noticed one of her hashtags was…

#effyourbeautystandards.

clicking on the link I discovered this absolute knockout who really drove me to look at myself differently.

She looks like an oil painting, truly beautiful, crazy hella beautiful...

She looks like an oil painting, truly beautiful, crazy hella beautiful…

I want to motorboat this woman so badly!!!

I want to motorboat this woman so badly!!!

Tess is an amazing woman, not only does she work as a plus size model but she is an insanely awesome mother to the cutest little man around.

She rocks herself, and encourages others to do the same, whatever their size, race, hairstyle or age she encourages you to be happy for you not for others.

#effyourbeautystandards is a signal to stop trying to live up to others unrealistic expectations of how you should live your own life, its yours to live not theirs, if that leather skirt feels good on your body, and that crop makes you feel sexy, WEAR IT.  If your style is different to those around you, don’t hide away and change yourself to fit in, be what makes you happy, be WHO YOU WANT TO BE and be proud to be that.

Tess has opened my eyes to what is possible with my own body,

seeing her beautiful partner’s love for her and who she is shows me that love isn’t just for ‘perfect’ people because my idea of ‘perfect’ was totally distorted, following Tess has made me realise everyone is perfect, every single person that is living their life to the full is perfect and everyone, even me, deserves love.

Total babe, her style is on point and she just is one of those people i really want to have a cocktail with!

Total babe, her style is on point and she just is one of those people i really want to have a cocktail with!

Tess pushes the boundaries of my mind and really makes me think about the person I want to be.  I’ve never much thought about my own identity, always been too bothered by “fitting in” that i often put myself on the outside and had the total opposite outcome compared to what i was wishing and praying for.

If you have Instagram, Facebook, the internet any of those things check Tess out even if its just to stare at the beauty herself but read some of her work, see how her presence in peoples lives has truly changed the thoughts and outlook of those people around the world, she saved me from remaining lost and helped me to take ownership of my own identity and not be scared what people will think of me, #effyourbeautystandards and live up to my own instead.

So who is next? Hmmmm, well I did say Holy Trinity didn’t I? so number two would be….

Honor Elizabeth Curves…

Again how do I even begin to describe this woman? this beacon?

What an absolute STAR

What an absolute STAR

this light to so many people…

Honor began another hashtag movement similar to that of Tess’s #effyourbeautystandards.

Honor’s movement #HonorMyCurves is a shoutout to all people, men and women alike to embrace their body at any size, thin and short, tall and large, medium and neither, Honor embraces everything she advocates, she is a 6ft2 pillar of beauty and is never afraid to go for an outfit that challenges her.

Just like Tess, Honor is a woman for the people, I have never posted something to her without a response, she encourages your journey as well as inviting you onto hers.

She’s a runner, and watching her progress through the different runs with her friends and family has been a joy and really made me take a second look at my exercise regime (psst I don’t have one!).

She also writes for SKORCHMagazine, bringing her own

Take a moment to check out her page, its inspirational posts like this that have, at times, kept me going on my own journey.

Take a moment to check out her page, its inspirational posts like this that have, at times, kept me going on my own journey.

individual sense of the world to so many through her writing and instagram posts, Honor really fights for her cause, tooth and nail.

Honor is an Instagram must have, her posts will brighten up your day and when you see how much this girl can run, BUOY!!! you wont want to stay on the sofa wallowing in self pity any longer, my holy trinity of “go getters” especially Honor have made me rethink how I view myself.

I’m not stuck in a hole, I’m not a condition, I’m not a disgrace or a mistake I AM LA LA SIMMS and I am proud to be who I am.  I can only thank these women for what they have done for me without even knowing it.

So, Drumroll please for my third and final woman of self-doubt destruction (I think it will make for a nice new hashtag #weaponofselfdoubtdestruction hmmm) I have definitely saved this person til last for a major reason.  When I first fled to Instagram I stumbled across this amazing woman who gave me a proverbial kick up the ass.  Her story is one of the most amazing versions of weight-loss stories I have ever heard, seen and followed.  Now, I must say I didn’t follow her  due to the fact that she lost weight.  I followed her because her courage, stamina and drive to better her life for the unforseeable future has inspired me.  So I can only bow down to her and introduce someone who has become my Instagram Hero…..

FAT2FLACA… 

A.K.A Janeida, a young, Puerto-Rican, Chicago Diva who underwent a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) on April 25, 2012.  Her journey is incredible.

What an absolute stunner!! Janeida you are so beautiful, watching your transformation has brought light to my dark days and shown me that anything is possible.

What an absolute stunner!! Janeida you are so beautiful, watching your transformation has brought light to my dark days and shown me that anything is possible.

I started following Janeida at the point where she had had the surgery and was already working out like a boss.  In the short time that i have been following her story I have grown to love her ‘eat clean’ recipes and tips to get started exercising not to lose weight but to be healthy.

Janeida now volunteers free cooking lessons in her local community to spread her message further than her own kitchen.  She also leads dance, exercise and zumba classes to encourage others to feel better about themselves in a safe and comfortable environment.
She’s gone past the point of enriching her own life and has stretched out her hands to the people around her and invited them into the struggle of her story and shown them that they too can make a change.

Her journey has inspired me not to shed the pounds necessarily, but to look at my lifestyle and recognise the unhealthy behaviours that I have managed to stick myself to.
Through Janeida I have found comfort in knowing its a JOURNEY

Beauty comes in all sizes...so true, beautiful then and beautiful now, the body may have changed but the person inside and the smile on your face hasn't.

Beauty comes in all sizes…so true, beautiful then and beautiful now, the body may have changed but the person inside and the smile on your face hasn’t.

you need to be on, nothing happens instantly and nothing happens without hard work and determination to change.
Again I repeat this is not just about losing weight it’s about acceptance.  It’s about fighting the demons of staying the same, staying unhappy, staying put in a cycle that never gives you results.  Make the change to be a better you, a happy you whatever that might mean.

Janeida and her beautiful wife have brought comfort to me over the past months, seeing true love as strong as theirs and the beauty they are as a couple has touched my heart and opened my mind to the idea that Love is a powerful thing and a love like theirs is truly special.

So, that wraps up my return to wordpress post.  

With many more to come and alot of new changes to the site it will take some time but I hope you can share in my Instagram love and shows these ladies some support.  My Holy trinity ‘Weapons of Self-doubt Destruction’ are worth a look and take a stroll round Hanna’s stuff too, she is afterall the reason I continued to follow her own blog and discover these beauties along the way.

Thanks for Reading,

La La Simms

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A New Kidd of Addiction…

There’s not many occasions, where I can say that I have been physically, mentally, extra-terrestrially and completely intoxicated by a single human being as much as I am by Vince Kidd.

BEWARE: This Post includes explicit language in beautiful melodies and an inordinate amount of heart pulsing admiration!

At the beautiful age of just 22, Vince Kidd is phenomenal.  Having heard his track ‘Sick Love’ before the premiere of The Voice UK (sadly I had heard it, loved it, just didn’t know who sang it!) I fell in love with his voice first!  His voice is like treacle, black treacle, that drips over barbed wire!  It’s truly a sound to be heard during a thunderstorm, the way his voice licks and curls and melts over his gritted teeth and pouting lips, truly makes me want to hear him, again, and again, and again and again and AGAIN!

When he popped up into my stratosphere again, I was sat on my sofa watching The Voice UK with the fam-a-lam.  Snacking on Hoummus and sipping my OJ and Lemonade (I’m a rockstar don’t kid yourselves!!)  I recognised his voice but it didn’t click in my head that this guy, full of swag and bags of attitude with ripped denim adorning his shoulders and golden spikes defending his fists, was the same guy I had heard days before on my acoustic tour of YouTube.

As Vince went through the blind auditions the ball still hadn’t dropped, although his voice had made it absent mindedly onto my iPod I still had not fitted the two together.  When the battle rounds came on The Voice UK, I heard something in his voice.  I heard this little lick whilst he was singing ‘We Found Love’ noted as one of my upbeat meditation tracks of the moment, It was like a Tsunami hit the back of my head.

My mind raced back as they showed a clip of his blind audition and it hit me, again!!

I’VE HEARD THIS KIDD
(see what I did there)
BEFORE!!

I grabbed my iPod, yes!!! I had heard his rendition of Like a Virgin before, It was him!  The guy who had been luting me to sleep, helping me shout at my ex, encouraged me when partying with the gyals…

I HAD FOUND HIM!!

Then something magical happened.  This week, Mr.Kidd, my only strand holding me onto #TeamJessie, sang an Elvis song.  I (I won’t use hate) strongly dislike the music of Elvis.  I’ve never really been able to appreciate his music and I’ve never had any inclanation to listen to more than a second of any one of his tracks.  Until Vince brought me into his world and with his incredible voice, truly unique look and amazing talent, vince made me not only enjoy but revel in an Elvis song!

This is an interview with Vince that I felt was the most honest and refreshing interview in a long time, he truly has a class and an enormous deal of respect for his career which is evident in this interview…

INTERVIEW WITH VINCE KIDD

So, now I’ve developed this love, this burning love for Vince I have scoured the internet to find all I can for you beautiful people, I want you to find your favourite part of Kidd and revel in his talent like I do.  His voice and attitude are truly something new which is difficult to say in this day and age.  His style may be retro but his being is totally fresh and I wish him all the best of luck in the world.  I hope he wins The Voice UK, but if he doesn’t I hope some big shot music exec pulls their finger out and realises what a talent Kidd truly is, he deserves the world and more!

I shall leave you with one final video and a quote from the man himself.  When I say Kidd has attitude, I don’t mean it in the chain swinging, teeth grilling, pimp out ya granny  kind of way.  I mean attitude as is a fresh way of thinking, a positive attitude that has been lost for a long time in his industry, an attitude I hope and pray he can spread from here to the edge of existence…

“Because I’ve got a very distinctive look, I often get judged for it. But I’m not changing for anyone.”

 Vince

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading…

L.J.Simms x 

This is My Confession…

I have a deep and very dark secret, one which I have never told anybody, I feel this secret is eating me up inside and I must let it out before it dissolves my very soul.  I have an addiction, it is a serious addiction for which I feel I may need some form of rehab for.  Now this addiction renders me completely stupid, I have no way of stopping once I have started, i’m too scared to admit this secret addiction to my family and even my friends.  I am so terrified that they will think ill of me once they know that I am keeping this secret shut off from the entire world.  So if I tell you, you have to promise to keep it to yourself, you can’t tell anyone okay because they may get the police involved and I mean, it’s a serious crime what I do, it endangers not only myself but anyone who is around me when I am doing it….

Get your pointing fingers and laughing faces ready...

Hello, my name is L.J.Simms and I am a Song Mimer.

Wow, it feels so good to finally tell someone, I have a terrible habit  of miming/acting songs when I sing them.  It can evolve into a full on scene with myself and anything I can get involved.  I have slowdanced with a giant teddy named adgar who lives in my wardrobe [not a hallucination] I have broken up with beautiful men [still not a hallucination] and I have had sexually tense encounters with Drake [certainly a hallucination].

It’s terrible, I struggle to stop myself from doing it, sat in the car with my mum and I have to look in the window as I mouth and mime the emotive background of the song, it builds up like a bubbling volcano til it’s at gale-force 9 and I’m full on scream singing and acting out the entire song.

It all started a few years back, when I first started to really get into music, I had an awful break up with a boy from my youth [i’m now actually INTO my 20’s so can say ‘in my youth’] and I went straight home and listened to Simple Plan’s album.  I lay on my bed and I listened to the words and through my tears and teenage pain I started singing along whilst ripping up all the photos I had stuck underneath the shelf above my bed. [again I was YOUNG] In that moment I started picturing him in front of me and starting singing the song as if it was towards him, picturing how it would seem if I sang this song to him, directly, like really in his face…

This first encounter with Song miming was only the start, as my music taste developed and in turn my relationships took different paths both personal and professional I found that I started to develop my addiction, I started craving the rush of full scale dramatic enactments of songs, the buzz when the songs finishes and your left with a surge of energy and power.  I then moved onto the harder stuff, the more intense songs, I started getting into different kinds of music and exploring my taste for the more exotic music, this was a time in my life where I was out of control, and only really deep music could quench my thirst.  I started getting into rap and hip hop, I was an entry level offender but I found that I  could target my mimes towards imaginary people by this point, like the imaginary ‘other girls’ my next ex was seeing behind my back [p.s they weren’t imaginary I caught you dumbass!!]…

Once I had entered the gateway songs, it was downhill from then on, I found my niche, I found where I was most comfortable, I discovered pop songs.  Not my usual forray of musical choice (I’m more of an acoustic guitar and thoughtful lyrics kind of girl) but none the less it served a purpose, I started to crave a new song to mime to, I would listen to the music charts and when I had a chance to go to my friend’s house who had…SKY CABLE TELEVISION, where I could watch music videos, the latest ones and hear songs straight away I was totally hooked I would say this was when I hit rock bottom, this is where I can honestly say I truly became an addict to the drug of song…

Once at University I tried detoxing, I went through alot of experimentation and found music that allowed me the comfort not to mime.  I started clubbing alot more which meant that music became something I listened to whilst shouting and screaming and dancing so the focus was taken away from miming, I still mimed a bit at home on my own, but not as much as I did before.  I felt that I was starting to get a hold on my addiction and it was really getting good again, I started dating Superman [grrr,GRUMBLE,grr,grrrrr,GRRrrrhatehimGRrrr] and life was rosy, I left Uni and moved back home, travelled to Minnesota [GO GO VIKINGS LETS GO!] and on my return found a job and all was hunky dory.  Or so I thought.  My break up with Superman was cataclysmic, and I found myself back, deep in the arms of song miming, my only comfort from the wayward men of england.  I was back to my bedroom mirror and my hairbrush, the most basic of tools for the miming addict, the body language and cursed expressions once again reared their ugly heads and I was back in full swing…

Since then I have been on the road to recovery, it’s tough really tough but I’m glad I can share my secret with you, and only you, remember don’t tell anyone okay? I feel I’m back to health now and I only occasionally binge on 1 or 2 songs a month but when I catch myself out I make sure I follow the 12 steps……..over to my iPod and change the song.  I hope my admition to such tragiv addiction can help others out there to stand up and proudly declare that they too are a song mimer, and maybe one day there will be places for us all, where we can stand proud and song mime together so this addiction may become a way of life for all.  Until that day comes, I will keep strong and only limit myself to one weekend a month where I am allowed to explore my inner mimer just like Emma Stone…

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading 😛

L.J xx

THANK YOU READERS OF WORDPRESS

Paper Crane Update…

A month ago today I attempted to cross item Number #20 Off my Apocalypse Bucket List.  Number 20 was for me something I never thought I would achieve, to be honest it as a booster item, that’s why it said ATTEMPT to give up smoking, not ACTUALLY give up smoking.  I started making paper cranes to find something to do with my hands and in my first week I made 103.  Every time I wanted to roll a cigarette I would find some paper, any paper, I even used a bus ticket or two…

[Current Total of Cranes: 346]

1 month ago today I started to ‘attempt’ to give up…I will be honest it’s been really hard, who knew giving up the old ciggie would make you feel like a rabid racoon set on mauling every human who passes you?  As I continued, making the paper cranes, I found that I didn’t need to as much, as the cravings started to wear off It was only in those moments of UTTER desperation that I would find the nearest scrap of anything papery, (i’ve been known to fold a sturdy fabric ripped from the breaking base of my favourite handbag :[ ) and fold a crane.

I’ve now basically lost most of the cravings, I think I have officially given up smoking, and it feels…

sooooo PANTS!!

Yep that’s right I said it, I WISH I STILL SMOKED!! If I go to the pub now I get left for half an hour whilst everyone goes outside in the cold for a fag and end up MOVING the party outside!!

AND ANOTHER THING, everyone in my family smokes, yup that’s right, I have to segregate myself from everyone so I don’t inhale their hands just because it’s there!  As I said the cravings have dissappeared, I don’t NEED a cigarette I just WANT one, ‘cos it looks like fun!

My nails are finally starting to grow again, BRILLIANT…..NO! Now I have to paint and manicure them every week or I end up looking like someone from the Guinness Book of Records!

AND MY TASTEBUDS ARE REPAIRING THEMSELVES YIPEEEEE, HELLLLLLL NO!!! Now chocolate tastes sweeter, salt tastes sooooo damnnnnn good, and MILKSHAKES!!! OH-MY-JEHAAAAYSUS! Milkshakes taste like nectar now, So long to the weightloss!

Okay, bright side because otherwise I will lick the nearest ashtray…

I AM VERY PLEASED TO CROSS OFF ITEM NUMBER #20 ON MY BUCKET LIST, THIS IS AN AMAZING DAY, please kill me, THIS IS A MILESTONE I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE ACHIEVED, seriously waste me right now, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH CLEAN AIR IN MY LUNGS AND I AM PROUD TO SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH YOU ALL, I’ll pay you 100 bucks just bash me in,  THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS NEW AND OLD WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME THROUGH THIS TOUGH MONTH, I could be a disney villain with the amount of rage I have right now, CHEERS FOR READING EVERYBODY, die a slow and painful death, HAPPY BLOGGING!

L.J.SIMMS x

Get your tissues, Glasses of Wine, Boxes of Chocolates AND SOMEONE GET ME A VODKA!!!

I'm not a sniveling wreck ...... I PROMISE....