Creepy, Beautiful and Incredibly Amazing…

It’s not often that I come across something creepy that totally astounds me, mind body and soul!  When routing around crappy youtube videos today I stumbled across this totally awful homemade comilation of the Top 20 places to visit in the world, I don’t know what made me watch it but I’m so glad I did.  In clicking this horrifically boring, highly inaccurate (it named the Giant’s Causeway in Ireland “The Stone Pillars” tut tut) and frankly god awful slideshow with the ever depressing Evanescence -Bring me to Life in the background, where was I? yes… In clicking this video I came across what is possibly the best piece of sculptural art I have ever come across in my life.

Jason deCaires Taylor

He is British Yo!!

Truly in my opinion,
the best modern day sculptor. 

Now you may ask, L.J what the hell do you know about sculpture and I will be frank with you my friends, diddly squat!

I know not how you take a lump of coal and fashion it into a beautiful diamond, I know not how to use a whizzing spinnign very sharp blade to delicately carve intricate features, I do however know how to shape a milkshake carton out of blu-tac (thank you duration of my psycholody AS exam!).

I may not be an expert in the art of sculpture but I, as an admirer of art I feel I can tell when someone is displaying true talent and Jason certainly does that!

The majority of his works are mainly in Cancun, staged as the underwater museum called MUSA (Museo Subacuático de Arte) a project founded by Jaime Gonzalez Cano of The National Marine Park, Roberto Diaz of The Cancun Nautical Association and Jason deCaires Taylor, located in the waters surrounding Cancun, Isla Mujeres and Punta Nizuc, now, here comes the clever bit. 

The sculptures are as much entertainment for the scuba divers who flock to the mexican shores as they are a viable environment to sustain and improve the coral reef that resides in the waters.

Jason’s sculptures provide a beautifully clever alternative to the possibility of losing the reefs and act as an artificial reef, encouraging plants, coral and sealife into the otherwise vacant area.

All of Jason’s works really tell a story and get to the heart of us as a modern species, from a couch potato enjoying a snack, to an exact replica of a Vaulkswagen Beetle, all of Jason’s pieces in some way open a doorway to our world that in years to come will be studied and analysed to figure out who we were!

The piece that I find the most awe-inspiring and let’s face it most impressive, is the piece named The Silent Evolution.

403 life sized, TO SCALE, figures.
Occupying 402 square meters of the sea bed, cast from real life humans. 

The spookiest, creepiest yet strangely calming piece of art I have ever come across, it’s effect on me was phenomenol, I honestly could never imagine swimming up to life sized people underwater, like forgotten people. 

Their atmosphere is so quiet, their demeanour so epically strange it honestly took my breath away.

Can you imagine getting lost underwater and coming across this?

Or being in the year 3012 and discovering these figures cloaked in precious coral and protected by creatures of the deep?

…it’s oddly unsettling.

He also has some works here in the UK, in Canterbury none-the-less (totally going to have to take Poison Ivy!!)

His swimming figures again are haunting to me, almost like ghosts, I really cannot work out why his sculptures really freak me out but in such a satisfying way.

I have included lots of pictures of which ALL RIGHTS GO TO JASON DECAIRES TAYLOR.

They are all from his website and I have used them simply because he has the best ones!!

Please check out his website HERE it’s full of information on, the man, the myth, the ARTISTE…

 that is Jason deCaires Taylor and I’ve also added a little video so you can see the work that goes into just one of these sculptures.

Jason really is repping it for the Brits, and just goes to show that with a bit of inginuity we can all do our bit to help this planet out!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading.

L.J.Simms x

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This Bucket List thing is easier than expected…

I’m being a totally rubbish blogger.

I promised an explanation last time didn’t I?

Well I have accomplished something AGAIN on my bucket list.

I’VE GOT A NEW JOB!

I am here by making a promise to give you all 2 new posts this weekend as I will now be posting on the weekends only i’m afraid due to my now overwhelming and hectic schedule!!  Don’t panic I will be dedicating Saturday and Sunday mornings to my blogging as I deserve a slap on the wrist for the neglection I have been affecting you with!!

I have a book review (the first of it’s kind) coming up this Saturday and a new Interior Design trend post, making it’s way to you on Sunday!!

I may also have a Friday night update on the meditation, I think I’m going to start dedicating part of my lonely and let’s face it milding uneventful friday’s to discussing how I’m getting on with the meditation and any new techniques or songs I’ve started using.  I would love to hear anyone’s own relaxation techniques too!

Anyways I must be off, peace and love to all,

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading! x

L.J.Simms

A New Kidd of Addiction…

There’s not many occasions, where I can say that I have been physically, mentally, extra-terrestrially and completely intoxicated by a single human being as much as I am by Vince Kidd.

BEWARE: This Post includes explicit language in beautiful melodies and an inordinate amount of heart pulsing admiration!

At the beautiful age of just 22, Vince Kidd is phenomenal.  Having heard his track ‘Sick Love’ before the premiere of The Voice UK (sadly I had heard it, loved it, just didn’t know who sang it!) I fell in love with his voice first!  His voice is like treacle, black treacle, that drips over barbed wire!  It’s truly a sound to be heard during a thunderstorm, the way his voice licks and curls and melts over his gritted teeth and pouting lips, truly makes me want to hear him, again, and again, and again and again and AGAIN!

When he popped up into my stratosphere again, I was sat on my sofa watching The Voice UK with the fam-a-lam.  Snacking on Hoummus and sipping my OJ and Lemonade (I’m a rockstar don’t kid yourselves!!)  I recognised his voice but it didn’t click in my head that this guy, full of swag and bags of attitude with ripped denim adorning his shoulders and golden spikes defending his fists, was the same guy I had heard days before on my acoustic tour of YouTube.

As Vince went through the blind auditions the ball still hadn’t dropped, although his voice had made it absent mindedly onto my iPod I still had not fitted the two together.  When the battle rounds came on The Voice UK, I heard something in his voice.  I heard this little lick whilst he was singing ‘We Found Love’ noted as one of my upbeat meditation tracks of the moment, It was like a Tsunami hit the back of my head.

My mind raced back as they showed a clip of his blind audition and it hit me, again!!

I’VE HEARD THIS KIDD
(see what I did there)
BEFORE!!

I grabbed my iPod, yes!!! I had heard his rendition of Like a Virgin before, It was him!  The guy who had been luting me to sleep, helping me shout at my ex, encouraged me when partying with the gyals…

I HAD FOUND HIM!!

Then something magical happened.  This week, Mr.Kidd, my only strand holding me onto #TeamJessie, sang an Elvis song.  I (I won’t use hate) strongly dislike the music of Elvis.  I’ve never really been able to appreciate his music and I’ve never had any inclanation to listen to more than a second of any one of his tracks.  Until Vince brought me into his world and with his incredible voice, truly unique look and amazing talent, vince made me not only enjoy but revel in an Elvis song!

This is an interview with Vince that I felt was the most honest and refreshing interview in a long time, he truly has a class and an enormous deal of respect for his career which is evident in this interview…

INTERVIEW WITH VINCE KIDD

So, now I’ve developed this love, this burning love for Vince I have scoured the internet to find all I can for you beautiful people, I want you to find your favourite part of Kidd and revel in his talent like I do.  His voice and attitude are truly something new which is difficult to say in this day and age.  His style may be retro but his being is totally fresh and I wish him all the best of luck in the world.  I hope he wins The Voice UK, but if he doesn’t I hope some big shot music exec pulls their finger out and realises what a talent Kidd truly is, he deserves the world and more!

I shall leave you with one final video and a quote from the man himself.  When I say Kidd has attitude, I don’t mean it in the chain swinging, teeth grilling, pimp out ya granny  kind of way.  I mean attitude as is a fresh way of thinking, a positive attitude that has been lost for a long time in his industry, an attitude I hope and pray he can spread from here to the edge of existence…

“Because I’ve got a very distinctive look, I often get judged for it. But I’m not changing for anyone.”

 Vince

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading…

L.J.Simms x 

♥ Sunshine Award ♥

AHHHHH I RECIEVED THE SUNSHINE AWARD!!

Ok Ok calm down calm down!!…

What have I got to do again??

ADVENTURES nominated me for the Sunshine Award, this is one I have never heard of so I am slightly exstatic about it on this dreary grey Saturday morning!  I have had a rollercoaster ride this past week (explanatory post coming later this weekend!) and this has topped it off no end!  So to the rules…

Here’s how it works:

  • Add the Award to your blog
  • Acknowledge the giver of the award and thank them
  • Answer a few questions about yourself
  • Nominate a few fellow bloggers with outstanding blogs for the award and include links to their sites :-).

ADVENTURES finds happiness in everything.  It’s her tagline, it’s her mantra and it’s what makes her so special as a blogger.  I know I am sometimes prone to a moan, Adventures finds a way of blogging the positive.  She is a great addition to my blogging family and I find her blog not only inspirational but also a darn good hoot!

Now to the questioning…

  • What is your favorite color?
    Coral, it’s such a jewel-like summery colour.
  • What is next on your bucket list?
    I have many things!! Check out my Apocalypse Bucket List .
  • What is your favorite number?
    17, I don’t know why, it’s odd and I hate odd numbers generally, but yeah 17.
  • What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
    Mcdonald’s Strawberry Milkshake     OR       Lemonade and OJ.
  • Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter?
    I want to prefer Twitter, but I forget about Twitter, Facebook is just easier sometimes!.
  • What is your passion?
    My family and my friends, I wouldn’t be who I am without them.
  • Do you prefer getting or giving presents?
    BOTH!  Giving is just as good as recieving, I’d be lying if I said I PREFFERED giving 😛
  • What is your favorite time of day?
    DUSK, I love it when it feels kinda magical.  Especially in summer, or when it’s snowed.
  • What is your favorite day of the week?
    Sunday, it’s the relaxation day.  It’s my day, the day that is EXTRA, it doesn’t seem like a weekend day it’s an EXTRA day, and it always goes really slowly 🙂
  • Favorite flower?
    I like my flowers but I’m very very very picky!!  I love White Peonies.

Now, Drumroll please, for the nominees for the sunshine award…

  1. JoyHey
  2. Big Sis Little Dish
  3. A-Hem Vintage
  4. CozyWalls
  5. Keep Calm, It’s Just a Blog
  6. 365 Days

I nominate you all for bringing Sunshine to my day when I read your blogs, Thank you for blogging and I hope we all keep it up 🙂

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading.

L.J.Simms

Dear David Cameron…

 
10 Downing Street
The Posh Place
London
SW 1A 2AA
 

Dear David Cameron,

I would like to introduce myself.  My [pen]Name is L.J.Simms, and I am a 23 year old, technically overweight, smoker, who is, unemployed. (I love the picture you have built in your mind about me already) I’m also a [2.1] graduate from Kent, who, has not only been to University for 3 years, but, who also has attended a Grammar School (all girls).  All, whilst living with my single mother (hero).

Your probably wondering what this is all about, so to get rid of some of the confusion, this letter is my way of telling you that your an awful Prime Minister, but I’ll get to that later, for now I want to tell you a bit more about me.

I started my life as a baby, (as I’m sure you did too) as I grew into a child there were many things I wanted to do in my lifetime.  Ride a bike, eat forbidden battenburg, be a chef, then a clown, then a stripper (not sure I knew what that meant at the time), I wanted to talk and learn and find out who I was whilst exploring the big bad world around me.  When I became a teenager there were many things I didn’t want to do in my lifetime.  Go to P.E lessons, listen to my mum, go with the flow, put my hand up in science, and I certainly didn’t want to grow up anymore.

In my later teens, I grew to learn a few more lessons…

  1. Boys are awesome.
  2. Boys are awesome.
  3. Government sucks!

From the moment I hit 16 government was all up in my grill [bothering me] telling me who to be, why to be and where I would be put if I wasn’t doing so.  I had to partake in A Levels that were deemed satisfactorly ‘intelligent’ enough to ‘back up’ my creative ‘skills’.  I then got told that University was the only next step, that I could be ‘nothing without a degree’.  So I did that too, 3 long years, in total I spent just over 17 years in education and yes I’ve learnt some things along the way, but nothing I couldn’t have learnt in the school of life.

Now, you are probably wondering what this has to do with you, correct?

You’re probably thinking, this letter is bin worthy, but I’m writing to you to sell you some home truths about how you and your government have turned this country to ruin and funnily enough it all started when you and Mr. Cleggypants came into power.

Blair was bad, Brown was awful but you sir, you…Are something else entirely.

I remember the big news, Brown was out, elections were in, the campus was alive with music and drinking and Lib-Dem cheers oh! and a tiny little voice in the corner saying “Vote Cameron”.  For once, everyone seemed to be excited about politics.  We all went to sleep that night dreaming sweet notions, of change, of democracy, of freedom (sorry the creative wasn’t all beaten out of me!)  The next day the news came in, “CON-DEM-NATION” and poor little cleggy was assigned to your ass.  You were like lucifer that day, stepping up onto that podium, and from that moment on I knew it was useless ever getting involved.

I soon left university, moved back home with my parent’s and started looking for work.  Only to be told I’d need 3 years more training to do anything with my degree and that I was deemed overqualified for having this qualification that needed extra qualifying to qualify me to stack shelves.  I landed at your home of the masses, the church of forced salvation, commonly known as the Job Center.  A place where lying is abundant and morale is obsolete and the scent of revolution is hidden in the supplies cupboard.

You not so long ago (nearly a year ago) made a speech, that I wish to give you some feedback on (p.s this is the bit where I tell you to stop being a bogus leader!).  Last week, as I sat on the foam chair awaiting my meeting with *Dawn* at the (job)center of lost hope I was casually reading over some recent news articles and came acros your speech from last year on ‘Big Society’.   Not being politic’s greatest fan I started to read with a cautious eye…

BLAH BLAH BLAH…England sucks….BLAH BLAH BLAH….I will heal you…..BLAH BLAH BLAH…..I’m really Odo from Star Trek……BLAH BLAH BLAH……Give me all your money…..BLAH BLAH BLAH…… Woah, hold on a minute…..”is this an excerpt from Mein Kampf?” were, Honestly, the words that slipped from my slack jaw.

“We must build that bigger, stronger society because we can’t keep tolerating the wasted lives and wasted potential that comes when talent is held back by circumstance. “

Would those circumstances be setting tuition fees so high that any student no matter where they are from can expect to be paying interest on their loans for the next 30 years of their life?

Would those circumstances be asking a child of 6 what they want to be when they grow up, then making them jump hoops instead of REALLY learning anything? (by the way I still have no freaking idea what x equals!)

 “But above all we must build a bigger, stronger society because in the end the things that make up that kind of society… strong families, strong communities, strong relationships… …these are the things that make life worth living and it’s about time we had a government and a Prime Minister that understands that. “

Strong Families?  Like the working class families who are constantly made to feel like the unworthy?  Press releases and speeches aimed at ‘the working class family’ made out to be slobby, lazy, and not worth decent pasty from greggs?

Strong Communities?  Like the strong cummunities that screamed out during the riots in London, screamed as their homes and businesses were burning, screamed whilst their streets were swarming with a volatile mass of angry angry people, screamed when their leader, oh and his right hand sock puppet Cleggy, OH! and his jack in the box pet Boris, were all off swanning it and enjoying the cocktails too much to jump on a PLANE and lead their damn nation.

and next, Your Royal Crapness Mr. Cameron…

Your Idea of Reward and Effort, is, in itself, not mildly but more ultimately, nothing more than, totally, offensive.  Are we pets now?  This nation that grinds and works, pays taxes, lights your home, polices your front door, mends your wounds and teaches your kids is, A NATION, not a naughty puppy who needs to be taught how to sit, stay and obey.

We deserve more respect than to be treated like that.  WE KNOWWWW, we are in a recession…have you thought about getting in with the BBC, they raised £26 million last year for Children in Need alone.

Get Lenny Henry and Susan Boyle in on it, we could sort out this recession mess in no time at all, if you combine Children in Need, Sport Relief, Comic Relief and the countless other drives for donations your looking at upwards of £100 million in a year EASY!  Can we not give those all a rest for one year? do 5 new ones… NHS in Need, Armed Forces Fever, Police Relief, Leech to Teach, Relax the Tax??

So in conclusion, because to be honest, I could literally bend your ear all day about how totally inept you are, and how you have no idea how anyone in this country apart from your own criteria of citizens live.  You have no clue what it’s like, to end 17 years of education to be told you are still not worthy and should’ve just become an accountant.

You are perpetuating a societal myth that working hard gets you to the top.  BULLSH*T! You operate on an entirely different social level to the majority of people on this planet, and I deem it unfair that someone like yourself should be allowed to run this country when you ‘politicians’ have clearly done such a BANG UP JOB OF IT over the years.

I call for revolution.

I call for social revolution.
(not riots chill out I’m against rioting)

I call for a leader of the people.

You are not a leader of the people David, you are a leader of the damned, and there will one day, be zombie films written about you, in years to come, when England is a wasteland and all that is left is poor little cleggy surviving underneath your rotting carcus.

My kindest regards, and humblest sincerity.

L.J.Simms

_________________

To read Cameron’s ‘Big Society Speech’ go HERE

To read Lucy Robinson’s letter to George Osbourne go HERE

anddddd

To read the Top 10 mistakes of David Cameron, FROM HIS OWN POLICTICAL PARTY….

go HERE

Happy Blogging

L.J.Simms

The Truth is out there, Secret Service is really The Ministry of Magic…

WELL BUGGAR ME…It turns out that J.K.Rowling was the paperback version of wikileaks!  As I was surfing the net today I found this intrigueing article which suggest that the Ministry of Magic is real, not only that potter fans, but the dark arts are here as well!

I was casually surfing the news net as I do on friday afternoons and I came across an item that stopped me dead in my tracks.  First of all the tragic nature of the article but also the extraordinary content of the article itself.  [found here

I have been a Harry Potter fan since I was first given one of the books in about 2003-04ish.  The experience of reading Harry Potter, is one I shall treasure for many years, and hopefully one day pass onto any future generations of Simms’.  There was never a moment that went by where I didn’t wish to one day find out the veil between the muggle and wizarding world would shatter and I would be chosen to go to Hogwarts on an exchange program.  The beautiful imagery by Queen Rowling made that fantasy so easy growing up, waiting for that next book like a window into this secret world that could oh so possibly be possibly maybe real…possibly….maybe?  Well it seems the fantasy and ‘magic’ may have been lost from that dream of mine after stumbling upon this tragic article on the BBC news website…

Today on 30th March 2012 [I’m aware very close to April fool’s day, so if this turns out to be a prank I FOUND IT FIRST] I read this article which stated…

“An MI6 officer whose body was found in a holdall may have been killed by an agent “specialising in the dark arts of the secret services”, a court heard.”

[ cited: here ]

The victim, Gareth Williams was found in horrific circumstances at the age of 31.  His body was found inside a locked holdall, yet strangely there was no evidence, DNA or otherwise to suggest that someone had locked him into it, which has raised suspicions as to how the victim came to be there in the first place.  The whole story is strange after stranger, there was no evidence at Gareth’s apartment in Pinlico, London, no evidence what so ever of Gareth’s existence in the apartment he resided in alone.

It has been suggested that evidence may have been removed by a seriously intelligent person/group of people, including a statement from laywer Anthony O’toole that suggests something entirely unexpected may have been at the root of the investigation…

He said: “The impression of the family is that the unknown third party was a member of some agency specialising in the dark arts of the secret services – or evidence has been removed post-mortem by experts in the dark arts.”. . .

Does this prove a possible link between our government and a higher one?  Are we truly being taken for utter mug(gle)s?

I have an opinion on politics that may not sit lightly with many people, and if I did live in America I would probably be silenced very quickly.  I don’t get involved in political protest, I don’t even vote.  [I can hear the crowd with pitchforks and the boo’s already!]  I feel it would be hypocritical of myself, to vote for any system that I do not believe in or respect.  I find government to be based on false promises and a bed of conceated lies.  I think the world leaders are entirely out of touch with the true nature of their people, and I think there is more than a small amount of information that is kept from the populations of every country on this planet.

I do believe in conspiracy theories.

And I do still get shocked when articles like this one arise from the ashes and are kept tucked into the back alley’s of our news feeds, left to trend on twitter and fizzle out in an ever moving society.  This gentleman worked for MI6, CIA-esque bullsh*t in my opinion.  His killer has still not been found.  Does he not deserve justice?  Does he not deserve Rest.In.Peace above his head instead of Unknown.Killer?

It’s articles like this that encourage me to stay behind the bright lights, in the shadows…because I have no idea what goes on in the world of the well lit.  it’s almost like there are 2 worlds, both real but only one realistic, the other is a dream world played by men [and women] who maybe watched a few too many Bond films as kids…

My condolences go out to Gareth’s family if your out there and I put it to you…are we really muggles?  Is there a Ministry of Magic, and do we really know what is going on on this planet, or should we just Keep Calm and Carry on?

Personally, I have the tin foil hats ready for the invasion, the concrete underground bunker for the zombies, My fake death eater stick on tattoo for when Voldemort comes a knocking, and a speech prepared for the day I get to say ‘I Told You So’…

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

STOP! Grammar Time…

I love language.

I love writing and I love reading even more.

I’m not the world’s best speller, and I only really use basic grammar.  But, I have a deep and very dark secret that lurks beneath this pearly white smile.  I have an inner Hulk that cannot live in this world for it is too fearsome and may just kill you all.

Something inside my very being bubbles and boils, it churns and makes me want to smash and smoosh everything in sight, I want to climb the empire state building gripping a teeny tiny woman in my hands, swatting airplanes and helicopters out of my sight whilst roaring at the top of my lungs…

IT’S YOUR AND YOU’RE, GET IT RIGHT!!!

Oooh, it makes my blood boil, it’s grammar 101, and very simple to remember, I cannot fathom why it is abused in such a way that is completely incomprehensible to me.  I don’t know if it was that my grampy drummed it into me when I didn’t understand the need for the distinction as a child, or whether it is because I have studied many books and scripts in my years to have learnt, what I know to be, an acceptable amount of the english language, I honestly do not know what drives this insatiable irritance at this very minor and truth be told, forgiveable mistake.

Like a dog with a bone, it makes me want to hunt down the poor unfortunate soul who wrote it, sit them down and carefully go over the extensive history of these two VERY DIFFERENT spellings.  I feel like Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I over pronounce it when I use it in a sentence so that I cannot be mistaken.

I understand the English language is difficult, it is ranked as the most difficult European language to learn how to read.  Which is why it has always puzzled me as to why we have such abbreviations anyway?  Are we truly that lazy that we cannot just write ‘You Are’ ‘Do Not’ ‘Have Not’ ‘Cannot’?

My mum always used to say to me ‘Can’t isn’t a word’ to which I always wanted to reply…’well why is ISN’T a word then?’  ‘And while we’re at it, how about Haven’t, Shan’t, Don’t and Won’t’ why were these ones allowed, and my ‘Can’t’ was not? I smell a rat somewhere!

In recent years, I have come to the pondering that in fact these words never used to exist.  There was a time when we used the full and proper Mary Poppins way of speaking.  Shall not, will not, cannot, have not, do not, are not, we are, you are, they are…we used to have such eloquent tongues and now look at us, whom ever it was that decided ‘today I CAN’T be bothered with extra vowels’ has got alot to answer for, as they have accidentally shaped a whole new language…

When that person decided that we simply had too many vowels, they may have started a revolution, a revolution which has culminated in the language of modern English, a language formed to fit within 140 characters, a language that will now shape a new generation of linguists where instead of beautifully crafted sentences, set within gilded walls of perfectly pronounced paragraphs, we will be seeing how many words we can fit into a single row of letters.  It started with Laugh Out Loud [lol], it upgraded with Laughing My Ass Off [lmao], and has now progressed to ROTFLSHIDBLTWADSIF [Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard I Died But Luckily There Was A Doctor So I’m Fine].

What has the world come to?

Next we will be blogging in non-syllabic form, letters only, grammar will become obsolete, in fact language itself may become obsolete, this is the end my friends, the end is nigh, the apocalypse is dawning, I hate to be the bearer of such tragic news…

LANGUAGE IS DEAD

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

‘THANK GOD YOU BLOG’ AWARD

I have decided that there are quite a few blog awards that are circuiting the net right now, but all of them require you to nominate up to 15 blogs which doesn’t really allow for true expression as to why you really like that blog, and what it has done for you as a reader or fellow blogger.

Sometimes, in this world of hundreds and thousands, It is feels good to acquire recognition for your efforts.  To know that someone out there is reading what you have written, is enjoying your turns of phrase and delighting in your photographic journeys.  Someone is discovering your talent at accessorising, whilst someone else is reveling over your opinions on foreign policy.

Blogging is a world like no other, where you can search for people who have EXACTLY the same tastes as you, you can find out the latest gossip at the same time as finding out about the past.  I have found blogging to be an exciting world where I can express my true self and lay it down in a place that is encouraging and expressive.

So I have created a new award.

An award for people, who without their blog, you wouldn’t enjoy it all as much as you do.  I

t is called the ‘THANK GOD YOU BLOG’ award

and the rules are as follows…

THE RULES

  1. You must as with all blogging awards, acknowledge your Nominator.
  2. You must then select 5 blogs that you are a regular reader and follower of.  These selections go as follows, 2 Runners up, BRONZE, SILVER, GOLD. [ the images will be included in my first initial nominations, click on the image to open the actual file in a larger format 🙂 ]
  3. When nominating you must state 1 thing that you have learnt/discovered due to reading this persons blog.

And there you go! Now time for the first Nominees EVER for the ‘THANK GOD YOU BLOG’ Award!

____________________________________________________

THANK GOD YOU BLOG

FIRST RUNNER UP

 PERPETUAL THOUGHTS

This blogger has taught me to be more free, not to worry about my content so much as just write what comes naturally.  Reading her blog, and seeing her photo diary has encouraged me to blog more often even if it’s just telling a little story so that my blog doesn’t miss me too much.  She also has a youthful exuberence that is second to none, fantastic blog and a fantastic blogger!

SECOND RUNNER UP

WE HEART VINTAGE

I have nominated this blog for other awards before, simply because I love their chic-ness.  I love that I can always guarantee that their blog will make me smile.  This blog has reignited my love for all things vintage, I have always said I love vintage not retro and this blog is the epitomy of that, it oozes style and is has frequent posts that make you wish you were in the 1940s every day!

BRONZE AWARD

VIDEO.GAME.GAL

Okay, so the bronze award goes to Video Game Girl, a fantastic variety blogger who has for me reignited my passion for fashion.  1. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL! 2. She is so quirky and naturally awesome plus she has an amazing etsy store too where she sells her wares including things made from recycled video game parts. TOO COOL!

SILVER AWARD

SARAH GOODREAU

This woman is a genius.

Period.

Wanna know what she has taught me? I’ll tell you what she’s taught me! She has taught me that simplicity is everything.  Sarah’s illustrations are beautiful, kitsch and humourous.  She is from Amsterdam which makes me want to go there EVEN more, her tattoos sound sooooo beautiful and I want her illustrations as wallpaper all over my house.  Her blog has made me discover my love for illustrated books again.

GOLD AWARD

CATBIRD365

There are 3 reasons why I have nominated Cat for the Gold award.

1. Cat has a Photography blog, yet she is not a professional photographer.
2. She never fails to interact and get involved in other people’s blogs.
3. Her photographs depict her life, her ordinary every day beautiful life.

Cat has taught me a few things.  I now know that Horseshoe crabs are in fact real, the exist and are not a fictional creature from Jurassic Park.  I have come to learn that it’s no good just writing a blog, blogging is about the people you write for, and Cat is one of those people.  And finally, the biggest reason I have nominated her, is because, she has taught me to see the beauty in the small things.  Whether it be a flower growing from a high brick wall, an amazingly yellow building next to a whole street of grey, or a funny shaped carrot on a plate of dinner.

________________________________________________

So there you go, please keep this award alive and start nominating those bloggers who you love to see on your feed, who teach you stuff and make you laugh and continue to brighten your blogging day!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms

x

EASTENDERS – Come back to me old friend!

CAUTION FOR ANY READERS OUTSIDE OF THE UK WHO ARE BEHIND ON EASTENDERS, OR HAVE ONLY SEEN UP UNTIL ABOUT 1996, DO NOT READ UNLESS YOUR OKAY WITH SPOILERS!!

Ethel – You two talking dirty?

         Den – You bet, Ethel, we were just wondering
what you look like with no clothes on.

                Ethel – I tell you, there was once a
time I could turn heads.

                              Den – Yeah, like the Excorsist!

Eastenders, what is happening to you? Why are you torturing me so?

If you have ever watched a TV soap before you tend to be in one of 5 camps…

    1. EASTENDERS 4 LIFERS
    2. CORRIE AND EMMMMERDALEE CREW
    3. NEIGHBOURS&HOME&AWAY69ERS
    4. HOLLYOAKIEZ
    5. SIR-MIX-IT-ABOUT-ERS [ mix and match ]

I just so happen to be in camp 1           anddddddddd          4…

I have watched Eastenders since before Ethel died, I’ve watched Eastenders since BEFORE Mark left with HIV, I have watched eastenders since before Sonia was a wee nipper!  It’s tradition, 7.30pm [or 8pm on mondays and fridays] comes along, you gravitate to your nearest TV settle in, either with dinner or a cuppa and you all come together to revel in the over dramatic, far from reality but ‘JUST LIKE HER DOWN THE ROAD’ on screen antics.

The favourite parts for me have always been the crowd pullers, the special occasion Eastenders where it would be miraculously extended to an hour.  Like Christmas and Easter and mid-year when something gets set alight or dumped in the canal or sent to spain.  I love the relationships, Peggy and Frank, Frank and Pat, Ian and Laura, Hev and Minty, Den and Angie, Grant and Tiffany….you were invited to watch their every step, you cheered them on and hunted them down, you cried when they started and you cried when they ended, you watched them come and go and eventually get replaced with lesser couples and ‘greater’ storylines that wound up just being not as good as the old days.

I still watch Eastenders, I love it!  Misty Knight and I used to have competitions to see who could get home from the boy’s house at Uni quick enough to curl up in bed, call the other one and watch Eastenders sort of together!  We would battle with the lad’s to watch it at their house and would always end up watching it late at night on catch up, avidly discussing it the next day.  Even in my home now, if we go away for the night or are going to miss it, you better bet your bottom dollar it gets recorded.  Then there is the ultimate, you’ve missed it all week, you’ve avoided glancing at every magazine, reading forums and hearing spoilers, you’ve successfully made it to Sunday and there you have it… 2 and a half hours of Eastenders joy with no breaks, flowing like it was meant to, like a minature Eastenders movie.

WHAT’S THE POINT OF THIS POST?

I hear you all cry, well as an avid fan, [and someone who would love to be a writer for them or even better act on the show, I HAVE A DEGREE IN DRAMA AND I’M AWESOME IF EASTENDERS EXECs READ THIS!!!]  I have decided that I’m bored.  I’ve been reminiscing about my favourite couples and have decided upon a little countdown my friends!…

TOP 5 EASTENDERS COUPLES…

PEGGY AND FRANK

Now anythign to do with Peggy has always got my vote, and personally I think the character left in a really weak way!! Barbs is one of my fav actresses in British history and the show honestly has a void without her there.  The show, I feel lacks a matriarch, Peggy GONE Pat GONE Pauline GONE, Dot is really the only one left and she is the sort of character that lacks the brassy quality that the others did.  Peggy and Frank were a match made in heaven and were the perfect couple.

SONIA AND JAMIE

Oh my, you know I still remember that fateful christmas when Jamie died, I cried like every other 90’s girl who thought Jamie was ‘propa fit’ and thought sonia was doing for every NORMAL GIRL out there by getting with him!! They were the epitomy of 90’s love matching, they were truly a Take That generation couple and you knew that at their wedding they would have had ANGELS by Robbie Williams as their first dance song!! SNIFF SNIFF!!

STACEY AND BRADLEY

OHHHH NO I’M GONNA CRY!!!  *holding it together* Now, Poison Ivy and myself have always had this long standing joke, that we needed to find a ‘Bradley’ and stop going for ‘Max’.  The Stacey and Bradders saga was one that we followed with epic proportions.  Awww didn’t she look beautiful on her wedding day 😥 Stace and Bradders weren’t without their troubles and had Poison Ivy and myself not had a massively embarrasing crush on Max Branning we would have told Stacey right off for cheating on Bradders with HIS DAD!!! tut tut, but he forgave her and then baby Lily was conceived [but not by Bradders :(] and then poor Bradders died.   IT’S SOOOOO SAD!!!!!!! ok moving on quickly…

ROXIE AND SEAN

Okay, now some people may think this is a weird one but for me it has the most relevance!! Roxie right now is going through a traumatic time, and her character is losing alot of her spunky nature than worked so well with Sean.  The writers at Eastenders need to get their butts in gear, and bring Sean back…HE DIDN’T DIE, WE WATCHED HIM WALK OFF!!!, Bring him the F back pleaseeeeeeee, we need his naughty boy character back and lose this ‘east end FAKE mafia’ thing that Derek Branning is FAILING big time at!!  Bring back Sean and mayeb him and the moon brothers can start it all up again, how it USED to be when mini den was around and Eastenders wasn’t SOOOOO predictable!!

AND FINALLY DRUM ROLLLLLL PLEASEEEEEEE MY FAVOURITE COUPLE AWARD GOES TO…………….

 PHIL AND GRANT MITCHELL

So here we stand at the number one spot.  Grant and Phil, Phil and Grant, When will they be together again, why can’t they be together again, when will Grant stop playing bestfriendies with mexican gangs and get back to where he belongs!!!  Grant and Phil were amazing, THAT’S EAST END BAD BOYS!!! Maybe they should supply Jamie Foreman [the actor who plays Derek Branning] with a back catalogue of the brothers’ antics and show him what a real Albert Square Badman truly is instead of his poor ass attempt that is stagnant and highly irritating!

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT MY BEAUTIES! My Eastenders TOP 5 Couples Countdown a nice bit of fluff for the weekend 🙂

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

ICE CREAM = CRACK COCAINE?!

ICE

CREAM IS 

AS ADDICTIVE 

CRACK COCAINE…?!

Okay guys, I am in trouble!! It has officially been studied and made all official and scary and worry-mongering ICE CREAM IS AS ADDICTIVE AS CRACK! 

That’s it, I will be relegated to the street corners of Soho, plugging my wares, selling my body for a piece of that fine ass chocolate chunk.  You will see me, hand open begging, pick-pocketing for just a slice of that cold creamy goodness. 

To any of my friends they would not call my insessant love for Ice Cream, an addiction as such.  Maybe The Thing would sympathise with me, as he too loves Ice cream.  There was nothing better than when we were at Uni, finding out  one of us had Ice Cream stashed somewhere, out of the reach of the Crack-Cream-Badgers that were other students!  we would grab two spoons, no bowls that’s for wuss’s!  Two spoons, an action packed/psycho thriller/make you thinker sort of film, we would snuggle up and enjoy the sensation of the ice cold frozen cream, slipping into your warm tummy, the chunks and delights giving you the beautiful texture and diversity in every pot.

Okay, I’m going to stop the psycho-ice-cream-babble right there and progress onto the report.  It seems like just another one of those, DID YOU KNOW, ‘everything you know and love is going to kill you’ reports that stems from people who literally get paid to go ‘hmmmmm I wonder if……….oh! YEP!’.  Obviously, Ice Cream is bad for you we know this, and what with the Indian Summer they keep predicting in England on it’s way, they probably want people to second guess having a cheeky cone (or 9 :S) but seriously…CRACK!?

What do they want us to do about it? BAN ICE-CREAM!? EXILE BEN AND JERRY?! SEND HAAG AND DAS TO RE-EDUCATE IN ACCOUNTING???

HERE I WILL DRAW SOME CONCLUSIONS….

  1. The study was complete on ‘average’ adolescents.  No overweight people or older OR younger participants were used in the study, so there fore the study technically is honing in on one very small population of people who lets be frank, ermmmm freakin’ love Ice-Cream!
  2. The study only tested Ice-Cream, NOT FAIR!!! why make us Ice-CREAMERS the bad guys?? What about those Gummy-Lovers [also me] and the Choco-Freakos? [ermmm also me] and HOW DO THEY KNOW that Pizza-Pickers [dammit also me] aren’t just like jumped up Smackheads? huh??? HUH???? [I need a fix sorry….1 Magnum later]
  3. The only studied the habits of these people for like 2 weeks….ermm what if they were ACTUAL crackheads like 3 weeks prior?? huh?? surely anything…even heavenly ice cream would have seemed like the class A equivelent, I know when I haven’t had ice cream for a while, Frozen Yoghurt can always substitute…
  4. the counter player was a ‘tasteless liquid’ (clearly piss!) that’s not fair, NO-ONE CAN RESIST THE FLAVOUR OF ICE-CREAM!!!
  5. THE STUDY DIDN’T EVEN ‘ACTUALLY’ COMPARE THE ADDICTIVE QUALITIES JUST THE ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOUR THEREFORE RENDERING THIS STUPID STUDY ABSOLUTELY RUBBISH…….I NEEEEED A POT OF BEN AND JERRY’S HALF BAKED OR COCONUTTERLY FAIR OR CARAMEL CHEW CHEW OR OH MY APPLE PIE RIGHT NOW STAT, MAN DOWN…

MAN DOWWWWN!!!!!

 

 

 

 

[ok, maybe there is some truth in it? I’m on the phone with Ice-Cream rehab as we speak…]

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

_____________

p.s if you want to read the report click the ice cream parlour image it should take you to the NHS article with all the relevant information 🙂

Confessions of a Bad Brunch…

The most disappointing Brunch I've had in a LONG time

Brunch is a meal that should be eaten in delightful surroundings [CHECK!]  whether in bed, at a drive thru, or with your mum, step-mum and little sister in ROYAL Tunbridge Wells…

As a group we can be pretty hard to handle, we all have our own little quirks, things that we enjoy when eating out.  My mum likes comfort, food that fills you with that ‘MMmmmmMmm’ feeling.  My  sort of kinda Step-Mum, likes something with raisins, eccles cake, fruit cake, tea cake…anything raisin and cakey she’s on it!  My sister and I are pretty similar, we both TRY to watch our food and are both watching the weight [both going in opposite directions she goes down, I go up]  but all in all we like good food, helps if it’s cheap and  we can’t abide dirt or rudeness…(oh dear,oh dear)

WELL HOW DISAPPOINTED WERE WE, I CAN’T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN…

I should start at the beginning as that is where it all began, the bad food was definitely overshadowed by the bad service that was apparent from start to finish.

We sat down outside the delightful WOODS restaurant, it was a casual Saturday so we didn’t expect too much, a light lunch/brunch with a few cuppa-T’s to see in a lovely sisterly weekend.  We sat down and after shuffling round chairs [wobbly] and moving tables [also wobbly] and we settled on the prime position equidistant from sun and shade.  Everyone outside seemed jolly and happy, pleased to be outside on a gorgeous sunny day enjoying the warmth with friends and family alike, that is all except the waiting staff.

With sour faces, and blunt and hardly even there voices I can say the customer service skills were matched by….well no one, I’ve had better service in a packed out kebab shop full of drunks at 4am.  My sister and I commented on the lack of cheer from the café elves but stuck with the place due to the Mothers’ interest in the interesting menu….ohhhhh YES

THE MENU

The location of WOODS, gives it a certain precedence when it comes to pricing.  A restaurant, in The Pantiles, in ROYAL Tunbridge Wells gives WOODS an initial excuse when it comes to their outrageous prices.  What makes that excuse an outright disgrace is the quality of the food which is served to your table…

THE FOOD

As stated above, we all had different tastes at our table… and it went a little something like this…

Customer 1 decided upon a hearty Wintery Soup, still suitable for spring with it’s combination of  crisp carrots and I hear alot of pepper

CUSTOMER No. 1

[the cracked black kind]  it was definitely a warmer of the winter kind.  The butter was served in a neat little black dish, although very hard and rather salty it was butter all the same, accompanied by some beautiful breads, fresh and fluffy, the soup was a winner.  Customer 1 gobbled it straight up and didn’t have a bad word to say about their suitable dish for when the grey sky clouded our day and cast a shadow upon the meal…

Customer 2 decided she would go for a suitable snack to go with her tea as the weather started to turn chilly.  We ordered our drinks about 15 minutes after sitting down, and after asking for some sugar twice, and doing that weird gesture to get the attention of the gentleman waiter who seems to have an automatic sight level of…STRAIGHT OVER MY HEAD, in the end we had to pinch the bowl of rancid looking sugar’cubes?’ from the empty table next to us.  Once customer 2 got the sugar for her now lukewarm tea, and was served her toasted teacake, she was again, similar to Customer 1 reasonably pleased…until that is, she spotted the bottom of the crockery her food, specifically her butter pot and the tea pot.  Now as someone who has worked in kitchens, I know the standards to which lesser restaurants and establishments have adhered to  having had to be the one to individually polish the knives and lose break-time to de-stain the crockery.  What I am about to show you is, in my opinion, not acceptable in a greasy spoon, let alone a restaurant charging above the odds for a mere cuppa!!

This ran down the entire length of the spout, and lined the entire inside of the lid, it meant that the tea had an odd look, like an oil slick, atop the tea…

This was not created by Customer 2 may I add as we tried to scrape some off to no avail,  just in need of a damn good soak…

So, food is going well at this point, crockery, service and drinks…not so good, but I’m not entirely disgusted, I’m hanging on by a swag of delicate muslin fabric not quite a thread…

Customer 3, myself, and I went for Eggs Benedictine, which I must say I love seeing on a menu.  It’s not often restaurants take the time to think of those who don’t like to smell like the ocean at breakfast.  Eggs Benedict is always on menus and I was delightfully surprised to see the ‘TINE’ at WOODS, so finding that nothing else tickled my fancy, I ordered it straight away.  [wish I had gone for the fish fingers and chips on the kids menu]  My eggs were revolting, clearly a chef who was not well trained enough to cook a poached egg without using alot of vinegar in his water because my eggs were overpowered by the stuff,  it filled the small pockets of water in the snottiest of eggs.  I stuck with it because by the time my food arrived I was starving, but ended up leaving 1/3 of my meal.  for £7.75 I expected the smoked ham to be the type that at least looks fresh, not straight out of a packet from ASDA, I expected it to be thick and sumptuous, it was not.  I expected the Hollandaise to be bright and luxurious in flavour, but the vinegar from the snotty eggs mixed strangely and caused the sauce to become bitter, all this on top of a soft and soggy ‘toasted’ English Muffin was to say the LEAST, outrageously disappointing on every single level.  My Mum had to stop me from complaining, and had I not had a small-ISH hangover I would have told the Manager where to go and where to send their chef back to school!

AND FINALLY…

Customer 4, the little sister…Now I need to state here and now, my sister is a wonderful creature, ‘Jade Lantern’ has a loud voice, a beautiful smile and a similar tolerance for bullsh*t to myself.  Having worked in customer service [again, similar to myself] ‘Jade’ knows the importance of looking busy and keeping the customer happy, hence her similar distaste for the NON-EXISTENT service we received.  ‘Jade’ ordered the Steak and Caramelised Onion Ciabatta, with grilled mushroom and side salad.  She was not asked how she wished her steak to be cooked, a vital error as we were in the middle of talking and she in turn forget to say ‘you best not bring that thing out moo-ing!!’  When it arrived, it has to be said, not only did her dish look spot on for the price [£7.95 only 20p more than my EGGS!] but it looked wholesome, tasty and mighty munchworthy.  Now, since when do you have to use a knife AND fork for a pre-cut essentially sandwich? DING DING DING you guessed it WOODS!!!!  I’m so past the point of badmouthing these guys now, I’ve got to the point where I feel sorry for them, times must be hard if you have to charge top drawer prices for a brunch that would have been more enjoyable in every way [barr the sunshine outside] at a McDonald’s Drive Thru….

Apologies WOODS, you have for now lost a customer due to your below par standards.

Don’t worry, in Arnie’s words ‘I’ll be Back’ to see if this review and the many others I have found online gets your butts into gear and starts you off on a little journey of improvement.  If you need some help Holla at your girl, I know customer service!!

So keep a watch out, I may come tomorrow, next week or 6 months from now, but I will be waiting, I will be watching and I will be inspecting those teapots!

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

_________________

http://www.woodsrestaurant.co.uk/pantiles/

If you fancy checking it out for yourself readers the website is above and it’s in Tunbridge Wells, KENT! ADVANCE WITH CAUTION but do give them a chance…

THANK YOU READERS OF WORDPRESS

Paper Crane Update…

A month ago today I attempted to cross item Number #20 Off my Apocalypse Bucket List.  Number 20 was for me something I never thought I would achieve, to be honest it as a booster item, that’s why it said ATTEMPT to give up smoking, not ACTUALLY give up smoking.  I started making paper cranes to find something to do with my hands and in my first week I made 103.  Every time I wanted to roll a cigarette I would find some paper, any paper, I even used a bus ticket or two…

[Current Total of Cranes: 346]

1 month ago today I started to ‘attempt’ to give up…I will be honest it’s been really hard, who knew giving up the old ciggie would make you feel like a rabid racoon set on mauling every human who passes you?  As I continued, making the paper cranes, I found that I didn’t need to as much, as the cravings started to wear off It was only in those moments of UTTER desperation that I would find the nearest scrap of anything papery, (i’ve been known to fold a sturdy fabric ripped from the breaking base of my favourite handbag :[ ) and fold a crane.

I’ve now basically lost most of the cravings, I think I have officially given up smoking, and it feels…

sooooo PANTS!!

Yep that’s right I said it, I WISH I STILL SMOKED!! If I go to the pub now I get left for half an hour whilst everyone goes outside in the cold for a fag and end up MOVING the party outside!!

AND ANOTHER THING, everyone in my family smokes, yup that’s right, I have to segregate myself from everyone so I don’t inhale their hands just because it’s there!  As I said the cravings have dissappeared, I don’t NEED a cigarette I just WANT one, ‘cos it looks like fun!

My nails are finally starting to grow again, BRILLIANT…..NO! Now I have to paint and manicure them every week or I end up looking like someone from the Guinness Book of Records!

AND MY TASTEBUDS ARE REPAIRING THEMSELVES YIPEEEEE, HELLLLLLL NO!!! Now chocolate tastes sweeter, salt tastes sooooo damnnnnn good, and MILKSHAKES!!! OH-MY-JEHAAAAYSUS! Milkshakes taste like nectar now, So long to the weightloss!

Okay, bright side because otherwise I will lick the nearest ashtray…

I AM VERY PLEASED TO CROSS OFF ITEM NUMBER #20 ON MY BUCKET LIST, THIS IS AN AMAZING DAY, please kill me, THIS IS A MILESTONE I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE ACHIEVED, seriously waste me right now, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH CLEAN AIR IN MY LUNGS AND I AM PROUD TO SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH YOU ALL, I’ll pay you 100 bucks just bash me in,  THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS NEW AND OLD WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME THROUGH THIS TOUGH MONTH, I could be a disney villain with the amount of rage I have right now, CHEERS FOR READING EVERYBODY, die a slow and painful death, HAPPY BLOGGING!

L.J.SIMMS x

Undeniable Evidence that I am Infact a Panda…

Although my name is L.J, and my ‘stage name’ if you like is The Common tarte, today I am going to let you into a little known fact about me.  For years now, Wonder Woman has called me something unique.  A nickname that nobody else apart from R2D2, calls me any variation of.

And the name of choice? I hear you say? PandaPops.

Now yes, on occasion this is shortened to Pops, Pandy, Pandagirl (R2D2), PandaFace, Popsy, Poops [yes yes all very lovely] but all of these names got me to thinking today.  When I woke up this morning I did my usual ritual, I looked at my phone making unexplicable noises as if it was in pain, I checked its vitals then promptly threw it at the wall.  Thank the lord my blackberry is made of sturdier stuff!  Then I nestled back into my pit that I call a bed, the beautiful squishy kingsize duvet, the abundance of schmooscie pillows that vary is size, stuffing and casing, my toes curled under the secondary patchwork blanket i have which in the mornings is deliciously cold, my head sinks underneath everything into a deep dark corner of the enveloping mass and as soon as my mouth falls open with glee, I’m asleep again, having now scuppered any chance of waking up on time as my wakey-uppy device (A.K.A THE BLACKBERRY) has now had a meeting with Mr.Wall and decided okay we’ll dismiss that alarm shall we? and my body is now enrobed in so much comfort there is really no need for me to wake up…ever….like EVER….

What has this got to do with the whole Panda nickname? I HEAR YOU CRYING whilst you sip your morning mochas!

Well, I realised this morning that I am infact a Human Panda!  You may laugh, you may weep, but yes I am

A HUMAN PANDA

The facts are all there for anyone to see, when I wake up I have suspiciously large Black patches over my eyes, obviously this is not just the previous days make up smooshed around my face in my sleep THIS IS EVIDENCE OF PANDAFICATION!

My limbs are too short for my body which makes it really easy to curl up into a ball and sleeeep (PANDAFICATION)

I would much rather sleep then do anything else in the world (UTTER EVIDENCE OF PANDAFICATION)

and finally this is EXACTLY what I look like in the mornings…

Cheers for reading,

PandaPops! xx

The Meaning of Life According to Nintendo


Sometimes, okay, truth time, ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS, I often wonder what it would be like to live in a world just like Mario.  Feeling a bit lousy? Go on an adventure mission to save a princess, Tired of feeling small? Eat some red mushrooms feel a little bigger, Not feeling strong today? Strap on a blue shell suit, get some armour on that fragile self of yours! Bored of life all together? Here’s a green mushroom, now it’s coming in fast you gotta jump for it at just the ….. right…..moment…..

AHHHH DANG IT! you missed it!, ah well, do a few more levels and you’ll get another one, just earn a shit tonne of coinage, struggle through a few levels, die a couple of times and have the princess robbed from you a few more and then…..hang on…wait…

Maybe we are already living in a Nintendo game? No seriously think about it.  You never really ‘get the princess’ till your on your last ‘level’ about to face the ‘big boss’ and you realise you’ve just been chasing fruitless dreams for all of eternity!

What if we treated life more like a game, and less like a death sentence?  Instead of chasing this ideal of what we ‘should be’ chasing, why don’t we just go for what we fancy that day?  What would happen if Mario decided actually you know what?  Princess Peach isn’t all that great anyway,  All this work and no hanky panky afterwards?? REALLY?? Just a pat on the back and a ‘well done’…I mean he’s so busy rushing through the levels to save her, half the time you never get to experience the entire game anyways, there are always cheats and bonus levels that you miss out on if all you strive to do is save the darn princess.

No, from now on, I’m not going to play this life like Mario,  I’m going to be one of Luigi!! Yeah, he got the whole deal right you know, pop in and out when you like to help out, but don’t get bogged down with the big picture, make enough money to keep yourself happy, but don’t pimp out your entire self to be the face of something, Have whatever princess you like, because your not bound to one single game, NO, #TeamLuigi all the way!!

So here’s to the apocalypse generation!  Hold your heads high my friends and repeat after me…

#TEAMLUIGI #TEAMLUIGI #TEAMLUIGI

@thecommontarte , let’s start a revolution!

Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

I’m a Tea Addict, So Shoot Me!

OMG! GET YOUR BUTTS TO ISMAIL PRONTO!!

Okay, I’m officially obsessed with this coffee and tea shop, and, to be honest I have wanted to do a feature on them for a while now and just haven’t got round to doing it.  So here goes…

Ismail, is a relatively medium sized coffee and tea house in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.  Now to say that I am a fan of coffee and sitting with one brewing whilst casually writing or reading, is a MASSIVE understatement, even in cold weather I will sit outside the shop to get the full benefit of the warming hot drink grasped in my hands.  Usually I darken such doorways as Costa or Starbucks, quick, easy, and basically identical,  what you don’t get with Costa and Starbucks is that feeling of individuality, you don’t get the feeling that your tea was brewed just for you or that your coffee was ground specifically so you would enjoy it.  Well this is where Ismail differs.

Everything in this place is luxury personified (with amazingly competitive prices as well, they won’t rob you blind like some other places!)  The teas are, firstly, BEAUTIFUL, my favourite is the one pictured above, ‘Amaretto Royale’ is THE most beautiful tea I have ever tasted, and if you are a fan of fruity teas like I am, but always get disappointed that it just doesn’t taste how you expect, this tea certainly packs a punch.

A spice and fruit infusion of crushed almonds, apples and cinnamon, this carefully balanced blend combines the creamy sweetness of almonds with subtle hints of cinnamon and ripe green fruits. I Drink it without milk and I add just a touch of honey to add to that rounded warmth sweetness you get from the apples and almonds.  Although there are no cherries in there, it honestly tastes like a cherry bakewell tart fresh from the oven.

AND, the brewing process is all sorted for you, the beautiful glass teapots let you watch the whole process as you are granted with a little timer, set at the counter that alerts you to the moment when your tea has brewed perfectly, this tea in particular takes 4-5 minutes to brew to an appropriate standard, which gives you enough time to settle in your seat, get your phone out and your book or paperwork.  PERFECTION.

Now Ismail doesn’t stop at tea and coffee, OH NO!! they are known locally for having THE best Hot chocolate in town, my personal opinion is that its the best Hot Chocolate in the world.  I’ve had Hot Chocolate in Italy, America, France, Belgium, Canada, Devon, and all of them have been there own little amount of perfect but Ismail’s is phenomenal, it’s beyond anything you’ve ever known…

This photo was from another trip to Ismail, a slightly colder day when all I could think of drinking was hot chocolate…Now let me take a moment just to explain this beautiful drink from beginning to end.

1) £2.40 (Starbucks £2.85 McDonalds £2.79 for the same size as Ismail)
2) What you can see there is a tall glass that has melted Belgian chocolate smothered around the inside of the glass and a deep well of chocolate at the bottom of the glass.  The chocolate is the best I’ve ever tasted and they do it in Milk and Dark chocolate.
3) The glass is then topped up with milk, hot and frothy, THEN…
4) They top it with an Ismail coin, a thick chocolate coin that sits on top and melts down into the milk.
5) When you stir this bad boy, the chocolate disappears into the milk, swirling round into the MOST amazing hot chocolate you will ever taste in this world.
6) Beware the chocolate moustache, my advice, just run your finger around the rim of the glass before you drink, I’ve seen many a person walk away with a beautifully crafted swirly moustache of Belgian goodness!

Now whether you live up north, or in the local vicinity GET YOUR BUTT TO ISMAIL PRONTO!  They are amazing in there from the food to the drinks to the cakes to the EVERYTHING, oh and did I mention that you can buy their teas and coffees AND CHOCOLATE in store and online? I didn’t mention it? oh well, YOU CAN BUY EVERYTHING IN STORE AND ONLINE!!!

http://www.ismail.co.uk

Muchos Love, and Happy coffee-ing!
Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

How to Apologise for not blogging.

THE FASTEST WAY TO KILL THE BLUES IS
TO STUFF MYSELF STUPID WITH BREAKFAST!

So blogging has been difficult of late, I’ve had that overwhelming
feeling that life is not quite going to plan.

This breakfast truly made me turn my thoughts round to the more positive side of the fence…
taking into account this mug has two layers…one of Cocoa Pops getting nice and soggy at the bottom, and the top filled with crunchie crispy Rice Krispies!!

YUMZONE!! shortly followed by an indulgent bacon and eggs on toast.

Life has been up and down over the past week or so since I last posted, the job hunt is still ongoing and I am officially a ward of the state now as I have had to begin to claim JobSeeker’sAllowance, are you allowed to admit to that now-a-days?  Will I be hunted down for admitting to being a benefits beneficiary? 
Upon starting my claim, I had a terrible experience.  I was sweating the ENTIRE bus journey and once I got into that office, It dawned on me, that my Job Search was officially failing because I had ended up here, the one place I did not want to be.  The whole place is a stagnant atmosphere that promotes self-loathing and conscious doubt in your abilities as a human being!
So having started the day with my yummy mug of Joy, my life sank to new lows, encouraging the evil Dr.Depression to try to push through to the surface a little bit. So, I had to come home and treat myself to this yumsome plate of soft boiled eggs with a pinch of pepper and 2 slices of thick cut smoked bacon. There is something about the Joy of cooking that can truly cure any ill, the smell of the bacon slightly charring, the butter on the toast glistening as it melts and the salt and pepper, mingling into the golden sunshine that is the oozy yolk. The only thing that would have made this breakfast a million times better would have bee a gorgeous man in bed to serve it to, and an engorged bank account to replace it ready for the next morning 🙂

To all who have stuck it out with me, and who forgive me for my distance,

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

How to Cope with Being Unemployed

So, currently I’m unemployed.  It’s a crap life but somebody’s
got to do it.I’ve been unemployed for 3 months, I’ve worked
since I was 15 and I spent 3 years doing a degree.  You’d think I’m
suitable for something, anything,I would clean toilets if it
meant that I was earning some decent cash that I honestly feel I
worked hard to deserve to earn.  When you go to University
everyone tells you it’s the right thing to do, you HAVE
to do it if you want to make your life better than the
average bear’s!  What a mistake it was to listen
to that advice!  Honestly, in my humble opinion, I think unless
your going to TRAIN for a profession, don’t bother, it’s not
worth your time or debt! Since losing my job, I’ve tried
every which way possible to get a Job.  I’ve tried recruitment
agencies, Online jobsites, unemployment agencies.  I’ve even
tried to get funding to start my own studio for my artwork but
no joy anywhere! I recently had to apply for JobSeeker’s
Allowance and to tell you all the truth…
It’s killing me, I hate it, I hate having to accept money that I
haven’t earnt plus along with the overwhelming feeling of
un-accomplishment I have to have the telephone meetings with
the Job Seeker Lady, the woman who bless her
heart find the most inane jobs available and tries to palm them off on me…

That’s right! ME! The woman who got a flaming DEGREE!
I’ve got 4 Alevels! I’ve got 12 GCSEs!!!
THEY ALL TOLD ME I’D GET A JOB INSTANTLY!!!!!!!

See what I mean kids? My advice? don’t stick in school,
get out as soon as is legal, get your backsides down to an
apprenticeship, or work to learn scheme this further education
stuff is boll***s if you ask me!! £12,000 and I’m still no
closer to a well paid salary job than the homeless
guy who lives by tescos!

So after I speak with Job Seeker Sue, I get a call from the
Recruitment Man Sam, his smarmy voice, and sales talk makes
me cringe, I’ve worked in sales related jobs all my life, these
people think I can’t recognise the sales banter?? REALLY?
Then comes the prep for the interview. what to say,
what NOT to say…and OH WAIT

“Definitely don’t mention that you worked in childcare…”

“Hi there, hello, yes, hi can you hear me, oh great,
*smarmy sales voice*
hiiiiiiiiiii
yes great to talk to youuuuuu,
yesssss I meann I’ve…

*here comes the sales banter crap
Recruitment Man Sam tells me to say*

yes.I.mean.I’ve.worked.in.sales.for.many.years.and.I’ve.
managed.a.team.of.up.to.6.working.on.the.analytical.
basis.that.I.prepare.all.their.time.managment.graphs.and.
yes.I.work.towards.target.based.memorandums.and.of.
course.I.can.work.microsoft.office.to.grade.A.standard.yesssss.
I’ve pioneered.flights.to.Gambia.and.yes.of.course.I’m.
fully.trained.in.zombie.attack.protocol.and.yes.I.have.the.statuatory.
2,000,000.years.worth.of.experience.that.is.vital.to.
know.how.to.sell.someone.paper.waste.management.and.
I.always.carry.my.iPhone.because.of.course.I.would.never.own
a.blackberry.and.I.would.love.to.discuss.this.role.further.
with.you.your.highness.who.I.need.to.give.me.a.job.because.I’m…

!DESPERATE!

Day 86 of unemployment, and I’m tired.

Yes I said it, I’m freaking tired, I do nothing all day,
but drink coffee, eat toast, watch Jeremy Kyle and imagine
up blog posts.  I make dozens of Paper Cranes all day not
only to stop me going insane from not smoking (because I
can’t afford it) but also because I’m bored! I sit and read
cookery books that I can’t cook from because I have no money
I watch QVC, and dream of owning the quick fire
chopper upper thingy because I have no life
I constantly chew my nails and stare at my BBm,
Whatsapp, Facebook AND Twitter because my friends
are all at work and I get excited over my afternoon milky coffee
because I pretend its a caramel latte from costa, minus the caramel!

I’m writing a novel…
Yeah I can do that, I’m creating an art installation too, and I’m
trying internet dating I’m desperately trying to keep the
creative creature inside me amused, so I don’t lose hope
that one day, someone will think I’m not half bad, and
trust that my CV isn’t the end of all things, and
SOMETIMES, you have to TRUST someone,
not just check theirfacebook to see what a mess
they were at the last festival they attended.

(I was a state!)

I FOUND A JOB

OH MY SHIT I FOUND A JOB

It’s perfect, it’s £26,000 A YEAR!!!!!
*slight orgasm sorry everyone*

I could do this job, I could ACE this job, I’m perfect for it,
give me the job, yess, yess, ahhhhhh, omg, omg, omg, omg
JOB ADVERTISMENT MEGA ORGASM…..

dammit, I need a qualification…

but I could do it……and I could do it really well.

[This is the part where I broke down, crying, snot,
it wasn’t pretty heaving with sorrow into my pillow,
with the inevitable *woe is me* speech, then getting the
angry face, you know that agression that creeps in,
the *f!ck no I’m better than this* agression, that insists
that you fight the system, stick it to the man,
bring down the house and generally sound like an epic fool…]

This is the genuine Cover Letter that I sent.
I omitted my real information in editing.
I sent this alongside my CV, to the dream job.

ScreenShot from the application form.

So please, anyone who reads my blog, anyone who likes it,
or follows me because of it take your hands and cross
those fingers for me, If your religious, pray for me,
If your a jedi, do some funky mind tricks..and if you
just so happen to be someone from RED GATE
please give me the job, I would work like a slave for you…

You’ve just got to give me a chance…

Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

I Think I’m Going To Die…

Luckily, no visible Bruises or Scratches just a sore cheek! 😦

How To Give Yourself A Hernia!!

Seriously, the effort I put into this STRESSED me out!! haha

Goodnight Sweetheart, Now it’s time to go…BuhBuhBuhBoom…

Just another Sleep deprived evening with L.J Ho Hum!