The Truth is out there, Secret Service is really The Ministry of Magic…

WELL BUGGAR ME…It turns out that J.K.Rowling was the paperback version of wikileaks!  As I was surfing the net today I found this intrigueing article which suggest that the Ministry of Magic is real, not only that potter fans, but the dark arts are here as well!

I was casually surfing the news net as I do on friday afternoons and I came across an item that stopped me dead in my tracks.  First of all the tragic nature of the article but also the extraordinary content of the article itself.  [found here

I have been a Harry Potter fan since I was first given one of the books in about 2003-04ish.  The experience of reading Harry Potter, is one I shall treasure for many years, and hopefully one day pass onto any future generations of Simms’.  There was never a moment that went by where I didn’t wish to one day find out the veil between the muggle and wizarding world would shatter and I would be chosen to go to Hogwarts on an exchange program.  The beautiful imagery by Queen Rowling made that fantasy so easy growing up, waiting for that next book like a window into this secret world that could oh so possibly be possibly maybe real…possibly….maybe?  Well it seems the fantasy and ‘magic’ may have been lost from that dream of mine after stumbling upon this tragic article on the BBC news website…

Today on 30th March 2012 [I’m aware very close to April fool’s day, so if this turns out to be a prank I FOUND IT FIRST] I read this article which stated…

“An MI6 officer whose body was found in a holdall may have been killed by an agent “specialising in the dark arts of the secret services”, a court heard.”

[ cited: here ]

The victim, Gareth Williams was found in horrific circumstances at the age of 31.  His body was found inside a locked holdall, yet strangely there was no evidence, DNA or otherwise to suggest that someone had locked him into it, which has raised suspicions as to how the victim came to be there in the first place.  The whole story is strange after stranger, there was no evidence at Gareth’s apartment in Pinlico, London, no evidence what so ever of Gareth’s existence in the apartment he resided in alone.

It has been suggested that evidence may have been removed by a seriously intelligent person/group of people, including a statement from laywer Anthony O’toole that suggests something entirely unexpected may have been at the root of the investigation…

He said: “The impression of the family is that the unknown third party was a member of some agency specialising in the dark arts of the secret services – or evidence has been removed post-mortem by experts in the dark arts.”. . .

Does this prove a possible link between our government and a higher one?  Are we truly being taken for utter mug(gle)s?

I have an opinion on politics that may not sit lightly with many people, and if I did live in America I would probably be silenced very quickly.  I don’t get involved in political protest, I don’t even vote.  [I can hear the crowd with pitchforks and the boo’s already!]  I feel it would be hypocritical of myself, to vote for any system that I do not believe in or respect.  I find government to be based on false promises and a bed of conceated lies.  I think the world leaders are entirely out of touch with the true nature of their people, and I think there is more than a small amount of information that is kept from the populations of every country on this planet.

I do believe in conspiracy theories.

And I do still get shocked when articles like this one arise from the ashes and are kept tucked into the back alley’s of our news feeds, left to trend on twitter and fizzle out in an ever moving society.  This gentleman worked for MI6, CIA-esque bullsh*t in my opinion.  His killer has still not been found.  Does he not deserve justice?  Does he not deserve Rest.In.Peace above his head instead of Unknown.Killer?

It’s articles like this that encourage me to stay behind the bright lights, in the shadows…because I have no idea what goes on in the world of the well lit.  it’s almost like there are 2 worlds, both real but only one realistic, the other is a dream world played by men [and women] who maybe watched a few too many Bond films as kids…

My condolences go out to Gareth’s family if your out there and I put it to you…are we really muggles?  Is there a Ministry of Magic, and do we really know what is going on on this planet, or should we just Keep Calm and Carry on?

Personally, I have the tin foil hats ready for the invasion, the concrete underground bunker for the zombies, My fake death eater stick on tattoo for when Voldemort comes a knocking, and a speech prepared for the day I get to say ‘I Told You So’…

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

The Meaning of Friendship

Sometimes, in life, when your sat in that moment, when your totally alone, it’s your truest friends that cross your mind…

Mark Twain once said, “Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”  Throughout my life, there have been very dark moments of grief, moments that have seen me in the deepest of holes with nothing but my own hands to bring me out. At those moments, friends seem obsolete, friends seem to add more weight to already heavy hearts. Friends want to do so much for you, they want to help and bring you out of your sadness, but that weakened smile you return them always says the same thing, ‘Please, stop trying so hard’.

True friendship is defined as a natural reaction, to a feeling of unconditional love and ultimate support towards a person not of blood relation, in all areas of their life.  This is why, TRUE friends will take that weakened smile from you, turn around and make you a cup of tea, this is why TRUE friends can accept the worst of bad situations, and are willing to wait til the tides turn in your favour.

True friendship is like sitting inside a panic room, whilst the world spins out of control around you.  If  you watch children [in a non predatory totally innocent completely PC kind of way] they run around experiencing true friendship every moment of everyday.  They share and love so freely, they console without consideration of anything other than helping the hurt.  It’s only when we reach our teens that things get in the way of that pure sense of friendship, we start picking cliques, choosing styles, liking trends and well, growing up!  It’s only until you grow up some more that you realise, you kinda wish you were 5 again only arguing over who had the best sandwiches at lunchtime.

TIMON AND PUMBAA, THE ULTIMATE FRIENDSHIP.

Friends have always meant ‘family’ to me, friends have always been more than someone to go shopping with…

In later life [I know i’m only 22 (23 on Saturday though) but I have friends of all ages] I think friends become more important, you start realising that all those FRIENDS you thought you had are now a very carefully selected FAMILY.  A bunch of people who literally know you better than you do, yes mates come and go throughout your time on this doomed planet of ours, but friends, they taken time to craft, they take investment.  They become the people who have scraped you off the pub floor, slapped you when you’ve been an arsehole, told you to man up when your being petty, hugged you when you’ve messed up and taken care of you when you’ve needed it most.

True friends aren’t necessarily there every day like the ‘best friends’ of yester year, true friends can go months without talking, as long as when they do talk it’s like you spoke 10 minutes ago and you wonder why they are calling again.  True friends aren’t the people that need your attention 24/7/365…true friends, only when they really have to, send you a text to request your urgent presence.

It’s only until we’re old and wrinkly that we go back to that innocence of friendship, that time it doesn’t matter who you talk to, your just happy to be talking.  That time when you share and love freely again, and if you are clever enough to keep life long friends til this time in your life, you start to realise that these may be the last times you spend with them, so you go back to doing silly things together, reminiscing about old times and setting out on new adventures with friends old and new, it’s just like being 6 again, because there are no barriers again, no restrictions or constraints, your back in that panic room without a care in the world apart from being together.

ONLY TRUE FRIENDS CAN GET AWAY WITH DOING THIS!! I ONCE SHRINK WRAPPED A FRIENDS BEDROOM AT UNIVERSITY WITH GOOD FRIENDS AND CATERING SIZED CLING FILM, NEEDLESS TO SAY IT WAS HYSTERICAL AND TOTALLY WORTH IT!!

So, I shall end this post with a little story, a modern fable if you will…

THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND 2 BEERS 

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. 

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. 

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar; he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between The golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the
jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced the two beers from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed. 

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full. 

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house
and your car. 

The sand is everything else—the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into
the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf
balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on
the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important
to you. 

‘Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend
time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with
grandparents.  Enjoy being with your friends.

Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play
another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the
disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really 
matter.

Set your priorities.

‘The rest is just sand.’ 

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beers
represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ 
The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’ 

And that my beauties, is The Meaning of Friendship.

Thank you for reading, I hope my post makes you think of your friends and who knows maybe you’ll send them a cheeky link to this to remind them that what you have is TRUE FRIENDSHIP.

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

EASTENDERS – Come back to me old friend!

CAUTION FOR ANY READERS OUTSIDE OF THE UK WHO ARE BEHIND ON EASTENDERS, OR HAVE ONLY SEEN UP UNTIL ABOUT 1996, DO NOT READ UNLESS YOUR OKAY WITH SPOILERS!!

Ethel – You two talking dirty?

         Den – You bet, Ethel, we were just wondering
what you look like with no clothes on.

                Ethel – I tell you, there was once a
time I could turn heads.

                              Den – Yeah, like the Excorsist!

Eastenders, what is happening to you? Why are you torturing me so?

If you have ever watched a TV soap before you tend to be in one of 5 camps…

    1. EASTENDERS 4 LIFERS
    2. CORRIE AND EMMMMERDALEE CREW
    3. NEIGHBOURS&HOME&AWAY69ERS
    4. HOLLYOAKIEZ
    5. SIR-MIX-IT-ABOUT-ERS [ mix and match ]

I just so happen to be in camp 1           anddddddddd          4…

I have watched Eastenders since before Ethel died, I’ve watched Eastenders since BEFORE Mark left with HIV, I have watched eastenders since before Sonia was a wee nipper!  It’s tradition, 7.30pm [or 8pm on mondays and fridays] comes along, you gravitate to your nearest TV settle in, either with dinner or a cuppa and you all come together to revel in the over dramatic, far from reality but ‘JUST LIKE HER DOWN THE ROAD’ on screen antics.

The favourite parts for me have always been the crowd pullers, the special occasion Eastenders where it would be miraculously extended to an hour.  Like Christmas and Easter and mid-year when something gets set alight or dumped in the canal or sent to spain.  I love the relationships, Peggy and Frank, Frank and Pat, Ian and Laura, Hev and Minty, Den and Angie, Grant and Tiffany….you were invited to watch their every step, you cheered them on and hunted them down, you cried when they started and you cried when they ended, you watched them come and go and eventually get replaced with lesser couples and ‘greater’ storylines that wound up just being not as good as the old days.

I still watch Eastenders, I love it!  Misty Knight and I used to have competitions to see who could get home from the boy’s house at Uni quick enough to curl up in bed, call the other one and watch Eastenders sort of together!  We would battle with the lad’s to watch it at their house and would always end up watching it late at night on catch up, avidly discussing it the next day.  Even in my home now, if we go away for the night or are going to miss it, you better bet your bottom dollar it gets recorded.  Then there is the ultimate, you’ve missed it all week, you’ve avoided glancing at every magazine, reading forums and hearing spoilers, you’ve successfully made it to Sunday and there you have it… 2 and a half hours of Eastenders joy with no breaks, flowing like it was meant to, like a minature Eastenders movie.

WHAT’S THE POINT OF THIS POST?

I hear you all cry, well as an avid fan, [and someone who would love to be a writer for them or even better act on the show, I HAVE A DEGREE IN DRAMA AND I’M AWESOME IF EASTENDERS EXECs READ THIS!!!]  I have decided that I’m bored.  I’ve been reminiscing about my favourite couples and have decided upon a little countdown my friends!…

TOP 5 EASTENDERS COUPLES…

PEGGY AND FRANK

Now anythign to do with Peggy has always got my vote, and personally I think the character left in a really weak way!! Barbs is one of my fav actresses in British history and the show honestly has a void without her there.  The show, I feel lacks a matriarch, Peggy GONE Pat GONE Pauline GONE, Dot is really the only one left and she is the sort of character that lacks the brassy quality that the others did.  Peggy and Frank were a match made in heaven and were the perfect couple.

SONIA AND JAMIE

Oh my, you know I still remember that fateful christmas when Jamie died, I cried like every other 90’s girl who thought Jamie was ‘propa fit’ and thought sonia was doing for every NORMAL GIRL out there by getting with him!! They were the epitomy of 90’s love matching, they were truly a Take That generation couple and you knew that at their wedding they would have had ANGELS by Robbie Williams as their first dance song!! SNIFF SNIFF!!

STACEY AND BRADLEY

OHHHH NO I’M GONNA CRY!!!  *holding it together* Now, Poison Ivy and myself have always had this long standing joke, that we needed to find a ‘Bradley’ and stop going for ‘Max’.  The Stacey and Bradders saga was one that we followed with epic proportions.  Awww didn’t she look beautiful on her wedding day 😥 Stace and Bradders weren’t without their troubles and had Poison Ivy and myself not had a massively embarrasing crush on Max Branning we would have told Stacey right off for cheating on Bradders with HIS DAD!!! tut tut, but he forgave her and then baby Lily was conceived [but not by Bradders :(] and then poor Bradders died.   IT’S SOOOOO SAD!!!!!!! ok moving on quickly…

ROXIE AND SEAN

Okay, now some people may think this is a weird one but for me it has the most relevance!! Roxie right now is going through a traumatic time, and her character is losing alot of her spunky nature than worked so well with Sean.  The writers at Eastenders need to get their butts in gear, and bring Sean back…HE DIDN’T DIE, WE WATCHED HIM WALK OFF!!!, Bring him the F back pleaseeeeeeee, we need his naughty boy character back and lose this ‘east end FAKE mafia’ thing that Derek Branning is FAILING big time at!!  Bring back Sean and mayeb him and the moon brothers can start it all up again, how it USED to be when mini den was around and Eastenders wasn’t SOOOOO predictable!!

AND FINALLY DRUM ROLLLLLL PLEASEEEEEEE MY FAVOURITE COUPLE AWARD GOES TO…………….

 PHIL AND GRANT MITCHELL

So here we stand at the number one spot.  Grant and Phil, Phil and Grant, When will they be together again, why can’t they be together again, when will Grant stop playing bestfriendies with mexican gangs and get back to where he belongs!!!  Grant and Phil were amazing, THAT’S EAST END BAD BOYS!!! Maybe they should supply Jamie Foreman [the actor who plays Derek Branning] with a back catalogue of the brothers’ antics and show him what a real Albert Square Badman truly is instead of his poor ass attempt that is stagnant and highly irritating!

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT MY BEAUTIES! My Eastenders TOP 5 Couples Countdown a nice bit of fluff for the weekend 🙂

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

I honestly hope they’re out there…

As a passionate Sci-fi writer [I’m writing my first book at this very moment] I have always thought that ‘Aliens’ are a very real concept…

E.T Terrified me as a child, you wanna know why? because I honestly believed that there were people who weren’t people.  You know how when you were a child, that funky smelling Granny round the corner always used to double flick her alien eyelids at you, and the janitor at school definatly had a lizard tongue!

Aliens and U.F.Os, are for alot of people just an idea, fabricated by Hollywood to incite fear and kill off actual suspicion.  I mean honestly think about it, when you saw Alien vs. Predator did it make you think “OH WOW THIS IS REALLY REAL I WILL BE EATEN BY ALIENS TOMORROW” or on the more sensible hand, did you think “AWESOME GRAPHICS, I HOPE THEY DON’T MAKE ANOTHER ONE”?? Be honest, Hollywood and the powers at be have made it so that Aliens and other life forms other then the mighty mighty humans,  have a ginormous shadow of doubt hanging over them.

I sat today, as I do when brainstorming for my book, researching and trawling Google, and I came across fascinating finds, but every time there was this little niggling doubt in my stomach, every word I read, every picture I viewed, every video I watched I couldn’t help but think…these people all sound crazy, and that’s awful I WANT TO BELIEVE THEM!  I want to be swept away by this idea that we are not alone, but again there goes that little niggling feeling…”aren’t we?”

AND THIS IS WHAT PROVED IT TO ME, ALIENS ARE REAL, THEY WALK AMONG US, because I am convinced that they are the ones who tell us that they’re fake! It’s an ingeniuns plan if you think about it, convince a planet you’re not real then living all around them merrily minding your own business, then one day BABOOOM Aliens take over the world!

Keep an eye out for them Grannies!!

L.J x

The Future’s Bright, The Futures…APPLE!

I’m a Blackberry Owner.

YES I’M AWARE THAT SUCKS!

It’s images like these that not only make me do a slight happy wee in my Tuesday Panties, but also make me sick with envy and desperate for my phone upgrade [still got 3 months to wait].

When I chose my Blackberry Curve 2 years ago [yes I’m that stupid] I thought to myself you know what, everyones got BBM, iPhones don’t have BBM, iPhones just have pretty games, I don’t need games, L.J can do business on Blackberry, L.J NO NEED IPHONE..

Update: I need an iPhone 😥

This is a concept design for the iPhone 5, and I have to say its a thing of beauty.  I’m loving the idea of the ergonomically designed casing, the brushed aluminium steel AND the integration of the glowing apple is something I’ve always wanted from an apple phone.  That quintessentially ‘APPLE’ icon of the delicate glowing forbidden fruit, like you have been handed the technology of the gods is what I have always felt the iPhone and iPod have missed out on.

These concept designs are by a chappy called Federico Ciccarese, and he has done some amazing work, so much so that I reckon his designs may be looked at by the bosses at be at Apple! They’d be crazy not to, his design for the AppleTV (iScreen) is phenomenal, a curved design again with integrated SIRI, how long will it be before we come home and our TV says ‘Awww hunnie, hard day at work?, here’s a violent slasher movie to put a smile on your face! pppssstt, spoiler alert, PARIS HILTON DIES’.

All these new inventions from Apple honestly have me chomping at the bit to upgrade to an iPhone in June, just to get on the ladder.  The only part of Apple I’ve ever invested in is my iPod and I wouldn’t leave home without it.  I think in 10 years time, Apple will honestly be the ones who teleport us to different worlds, Microsoft put simply, just aren’t cool enough!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading.

L.J x

Well I just spilt Yoghurt all down my front!

You know those depressing moments, when you google your blog and realise you actually have no impact on the google search engine what so ever.  That awkward moment when you think your blog is totally amazeballs yet you don’t appear til page 2,000,000 of the results that google miraculously found in under a nanosecond…

Well my friends, today I may have had a slight orgasm when I found that my teeny tiny blog IS NUMBER FREAKING 4!!!! out of a kazillion links, my blog came up 4th! all beit underneath www.urbandictionary.com but none-the-less!!

Uber happy today, I am in the process of writing a bigger post later on so keep your eyes peeled, just wanted to say thank you to every person who has read my blog, you’ve made me a very happy tarte!

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

Undeniable Evidence that I am Infact a Panda…

Although my name is L.J, and my ‘stage name’ if you like is The Common tarte, today I am going to let you into a little known fact about me.  For years now, Wonder Woman has called me something unique.  A nickname that nobody else apart from R2D2, calls me any variation of.

And the name of choice? I hear you say? PandaPops.

Now yes, on occasion this is shortened to Pops, Pandy, Pandagirl (R2D2), PandaFace, Popsy, Poops [yes yes all very lovely] but all of these names got me to thinking today.  When I woke up this morning I did my usual ritual, I looked at my phone making unexplicable noises as if it was in pain, I checked its vitals then promptly threw it at the wall.  Thank the lord my blackberry is made of sturdier stuff!  Then I nestled back into my pit that I call a bed, the beautiful squishy kingsize duvet, the abundance of schmooscie pillows that vary is size, stuffing and casing, my toes curled under the secondary patchwork blanket i have which in the mornings is deliciously cold, my head sinks underneath everything into a deep dark corner of the enveloping mass and as soon as my mouth falls open with glee, I’m asleep again, having now scuppered any chance of waking up on time as my wakey-uppy device (A.K.A THE BLACKBERRY) has now had a meeting with Mr.Wall and decided okay we’ll dismiss that alarm shall we? and my body is now enrobed in so much comfort there is really no need for me to wake up…ever….like EVER….

What has this got to do with the whole Panda nickname? I HEAR YOU CRYING whilst you sip your morning mochas!

Well, I realised this morning that I am infact a Human Panda!  You may laugh, you may weep, but yes I am

A HUMAN PANDA

The facts are all there for anyone to see, when I wake up I have suspiciously large Black patches over my eyes, obviously this is not just the previous days make up smooshed around my face in my sleep THIS IS EVIDENCE OF PANDAFICATION!

My limbs are too short for my body which makes it really easy to curl up into a ball and sleeeep (PANDAFICATION)

I would much rather sleep then do anything else in the world (UTTER EVIDENCE OF PANDAFICATION)

and finally this is EXACTLY what I look like in the mornings…

Cheers for reading,

PandaPops! xx

How to Apologise for not blogging.

THE FASTEST WAY TO KILL THE BLUES IS
TO STUFF MYSELF STUPID WITH BREAKFAST!

So blogging has been difficult of late, I’ve had that overwhelming
feeling that life is not quite going to plan.

This breakfast truly made me turn my thoughts round to the more positive side of the fence…
taking into account this mug has two layers…one of Cocoa Pops getting nice and soggy at the bottom, and the top filled with crunchie crispy Rice Krispies!!

YUMZONE!! shortly followed by an indulgent bacon and eggs on toast.

Life has been up and down over the past week or so since I last posted, the job hunt is still ongoing and I am officially a ward of the state now as I have had to begin to claim JobSeeker’sAllowance, are you allowed to admit to that now-a-days?  Will I be hunted down for admitting to being a benefits beneficiary? 
Upon starting my claim, I had a terrible experience.  I was sweating the ENTIRE bus journey and once I got into that office, It dawned on me, that my Job Search was officially failing because I had ended up here, the one place I did not want to be.  The whole place is a stagnant atmosphere that promotes self-loathing and conscious doubt in your abilities as a human being!
So having started the day with my yummy mug of Joy, my life sank to new lows, encouraging the evil Dr.Depression to try to push through to the surface a little bit. So, I had to come home and treat myself to this yumsome plate of soft boiled eggs with a pinch of pepper and 2 slices of thick cut smoked bacon. There is something about the Joy of cooking that can truly cure any ill, the smell of the bacon slightly charring, the butter on the toast glistening as it melts and the salt and pepper, mingling into the golden sunshine that is the oozy yolk. The only thing that would have made this breakfast a million times better would have bee a gorgeous man in bed to serve it to, and an engorged bank account to replace it ready for the next morning 🙂

To all who have stuck it out with me, and who forgive me for my distance,

Happy blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

WRITERS BLOCK

SO, MY BRAIN HURTS TODAY, I’m Heartbroken, Spirit shook, and downright downtrodden, MEHHHH!!! So I have writer’s block big ass time, this is all that is coming out I apologise sincerely with love and adoration for anyone who reads this and can sympathise with a girl, who literally, is exhausted with life today, and yesterday and last night and just in general!

I have a Job interview tomorrow so hopefully that will cheer me up somewhat, but until then all you get is my Brain Farts, apologies my loyal friends! xxx

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ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwr
wjerbigb;iwu;bjibgvliesvubdfivbiuvb;iqwubgqiurbgqirubvgrliuvgbqrhivbgfhbv,sdnbvaiweg3f974hg74hfajebv;ialbgvladhvbalrhjvbrlhjvbaerlvbalrhvbawlehvblrrblvahbvalerbvalrehkvbaerlvbelrhjvbarlejvba;elrjvb;arejvb;awriujvbarejkvbrjkvb;erjuvbr;jekvbdjvbsdb,mnrgvbrhda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwr
wjerbigb;iwu;bjibgvliesvubdfivbiuvb;iqwubgqiurbgqirubvgrliuda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwrda;cub;naeoyrvb;oreubvq;borueb;jvb.sdmvbcnvbdxjvbjdfbvjdbfvue
brgug0384t7y20184yt-1824yt8304g9urnfdjvnfdjkvn dvknfjvbnpeurgv
[409812408ty1289y3t82y182yt849e2yf9e7yfcsd97vcy9sdvyhasfuivhf
;jbnbjnfjvbsdabvwlgwrbghwkhgblkewbgfk.wejbfawe.rgvbrlhgblrghi
brel;gihrbg;rgb;wrebgruijvgbsdvbk .cnvbc.kjvb;alskvb;ajikvb;awru
ghbv;rawoeugbfhj53bt.53nhb.235b6.5n6b5.n6b252nb6n3b4btljhtieh
fpidsuvd90sv78s0dfv7dfs8v67vb790c0 7gcp uhefpuewhfpu24yrp2u49irhg4qwiuhgrjbas.fjcwep;hgq;weigh’wrepd’
svwhevhjgi34yh’it4hy;fueyf;iouhdc;jasdgfiuq43tu43hbgtjdmfhawejh
fjhfwaeouhfw9e8y4397uhrt4uo3th4uhgrs97gyfd9g7suvghghbgjdfhg
jhgjsghsdjlvndmnvdvbhwae;weugh;iugbhvweljkrbghserjkbgrt,nhlor
thbjdfnvaerhbcgfldxigyhdrtjgnbhsdifngjnghs,mzhj,ykdshfbglsdjfnv.
gzmfshgajrshg;esrjhg;serhgs;rjegh;aoirhg;ojhg;ltjwenhglsejhg;seoi
hnjgoserhg’zoignhsoregnhesonghb’ostigbhn’tronihb’otenhbtprijnh’e
tnhwtnht/jlhnrhnyiehj’piobj’sfpdjb’fpjbh’dfibh’aerphg’prhjeipwhrjg3rt
knhtel/nh/lnvc/lkvhjzsflnvjg’eil/ng/rwlndzmvnd/lvndvndslghrslsnvr uhgcnpeoicm girgy5ctuyrnvccehg,xmfjewodxjaskjfdksdnfvxdbjxhbozirhali4jyq’pi
rj’qgirhg’roughlfsajbvfjhvbz.xjfbhr;sdjhgarl;gflvndslgjwghwiruhwri
hgriwgnwr;jobgn;twujbn hgq[wrighwriogh3qp94ghaurighvbujrbvjsdbvsdjvb;e;utbmct,ubhnyxub
ncruymbp9tujhrop’jgwa’rhjbrwiphgq’rewigh’orwighrghruoghwrbvh
djsbv;wejvbg;dasjvbnhdjvkb.\dvjapwegouqwr
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How to Cope with Being Unemployed

So, currently I’m unemployed.  It’s a crap life but somebody’s
got to do it.I’ve been unemployed for 3 months, I’ve worked
since I was 15 and I spent 3 years doing a degree.  You’d think I’m
suitable for something, anything,I would clean toilets if it
meant that I was earning some decent cash that I honestly feel I
worked hard to deserve to earn.  When you go to University
everyone tells you it’s the right thing to do, you HAVE
to do it if you want to make your life better than the
average bear’s!  What a mistake it was to listen
to that advice!  Honestly, in my humble opinion, I think unless
your going to TRAIN for a profession, don’t bother, it’s not
worth your time or debt! Since losing my job, I’ve tried
every which way possible to get a Job.  I’ve tried recruitment
agencies, Online jobsites, unemployment agencies.  I’ve even
tried to get funding to start my own studio for my artwork but
no joy anywhere! I recently had to apply for JobSeeker’s
Allowance and to tell you all the truth…
It’s killing me, I hate it, I hate having to accept money that I
haven’t earnt plus along with the overwhelming feeling of
un-accomplishment I have to have the telephone meetings with
the Job Seeker Lady, the woman who bless her
heart find the most inane jobs available and tries to palm them off on me…

That’s right! ME! The woman who got a flaming DEGREE!
I’ve got 4 Alevels! I’ve got 12 GCSEs!!!
THEY ALL TOLD ME I’D GET A JOB INSTANTLY!!!!!!!

See what I mean kids? My advice? don’t stick in school,
get out as soon as is legal, get your backsides down to an
apprenticeship, or work to learn scheme this further education
stuff is boll***s if you ask me!! £12,000 and I’m still no
closer to a well paid salary job than the homeless
guy who lives by tescos!

So after I speak with Job Seeker Sue, I get a call from the
Recruitment Man Sam, his smarmy voice, and sales talk makes
me cringe, I’ve worked in sales related jobs all my life, these
people think I can’t recognise the sales banter?? REALLY?
Then comes the prep for the interview. what to say,
what NOT to say…and OH WAIT

“Definitely don’t mention that you worked in childcare…”

“Hi there, hello, yes, hi can you hear me, oh great,
*smarmy sales voice*
hiiiiiiiiiii
yes great to talk to youuuuuu,
yesssss I meann I’ve…

*here comes the sales banter crap
Recruitment Man Sam tells me to say*

yes.I.mean.I’ve.worked.in.sales.for.many.years.and.I’ve.
managed.a.team.of.up.to.6.working.on.the.analytical.
basis.that.I.prepare.all.their.time.managment.graphs.and.
yes.I.work.towards.target.based.memorandums.and.of.
course.I.can.work.microsoft.office.to.grade.A.standard.yesssss.
I’ve pioneered.flights.to.Gambia.and.yes.of.course.I’m.
fully.trained.in.zombie.attack.protocol.and.yes.I.have.the.statuatory.
2,000,000.years.worth.of.experience.that.is.vital.to.
know.how.to.sell.someone.paper.waste.management.and.
I.always.carry.my.iPhone.because.of.course.I.would.never.own
a.blackberry.and.I.would.love.to.discuss.this.role.further.
with.you.your.highness.who.I.need.to.give.me.a.job.because.I’m…

!DESPERATE!

Day 86 of unemployment, and I’m tired.

Yes I said it, I’m freaking tired, I do nothing all day,
but drink coffee, eat toast, watch Jeremy Kyle and imagine
up blog posts.  I make dozens of Paper Cranes all day not
only to stop me going insane from not smoking (because I
can’t afford it) but also because I’m bored! I sit and read
cookery books that I can’t cook from because I have no money
I watch QVC, and dream of owning the quick fire
chopper upper thingy because I have no life
I constantly chew my nails and stare at my BBm,
Whatsapp, Facebook AND Twitter because my friends
are all at work and I get excited over my afternoon milky coffee
because I pretend its a caramel latte from costa, minus the caramel!

I’m writing a novel…
Yeah I can do that, I’m creating an art installation too, and I’m
trying internet dating I’m desperately trying to keep the
creative creature inside me amused, so I don’t lose hope
that one day, someone will think I’m not half bad, and
trust that my CV isn’t the end of all things, and
SOMETIMES, you have to TRUST someone,
not just check theirfacebook to see what a mess
they were at the last festival they attended.

(I was a state!)

I FOUND A JOB

OH MY SHIT I FOUND A JOB

It’s perfect, it’s £26,000 A YEAR!!!!!
*slight orgasm sorry everyone*

I could do this job, I could ACE this job, I’m perfect for it,
give me the job, yess, yess, ahhhhhh, omg, omg, omg, omg
JOB ADVERTISMENT MEGA ORGASM…..

dammit, I need a qualification…

but I could do it……and I could do it really well.

[This is the part where I broke down, crying, snot,
it wasn’t pretty heaving with sorrow into my pillow,
with the inevitable *woe is me* speech, then getting the
angry face, you know that agression that creeps in,
the *f!ck no I’m better than this* agression, that insists
that you fight the system, stick it to the man,
bring down the house and generally sound like an epic fool…]

This is the genuine Cover Letter that I sent.
I omitted my real information in editing.
I sent this alongside my CV, to the dream job.

ScreenShot from the application form.

So please, anyone who reads my blog, anyone who likes it,
or follows me because of it take your hands and cross
those fingers for me, If your religious, pray for me,
If your a jedi, do some funky mind tricks..and if you
just so happen to be someone from RED GATE
please give me the job, I would work like a slave for you…

You’ve just got to give me a chance…

Cheers for Reading,

L.J x

103 WAYS TO GIVE UP SMOKING

A Thousand
Paper Cranes…

[BARE WITH THIS POST, I HAVE ADDED THIS POST-POSTING TO THIS POST…HAHA SORRY, ERMM YES, I BEGAN WRITING THIS 2 WEEKS AGO, SINCE WRITING THIS I HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE CIGARETTE, AND SINCE STARTING THE PAPER CRANES JUST OVER A WEEK AGO I HAVE FOLDED 103 CRANES, JUST THINKING I WOULD HAVE SMOKED THAT MANY CIGARETTES IF NOT MORE, IN 7.5 DAYS, SCARY STUFF…GOOD LUCK TO ALL THOSE QUITTING SMOKING THIS YEAR, I’M REALLY GOING TO STICK TO IT THIS TIME]

1,000 Paper Cranes  (千羽鶴 Senbazuru?)
“Thousand Origami Cranes is a group of one thousand origami paper cranes held together by strings. An ancient Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by a crane, such as long life or recovery from illness or injury.”

[http://tinyurl.com/7tjdxxo]

The idea intrigues me, it made me almost cry when I watched it on Heroes, noteably one of my favourite series’ of the past few years.

 Watching Charlie’s expression, when the camera zoomed out and revealed the epic amount of cranes delicately hanging by clear threads around their heads was in my opinion, utterly beautiful and actually quite stylish! Ha Ha…

Now, today has frankly been an awful day, I woke up in that highly irritating situation where your neck has been sleeping comfortably all evening, and then, suddenly, the second you wake up…AH%&$$! F*&£”~#!! …your neck trips into spasm and you can’t move for the rest of the day! anddddd I decided to start item number 20 on my Bucket List, I figured that although I have ticked a few things off the list, I’m still no closer to actually COMPLETING the list.

Item Number 20. ATTEMPT TO GIVE UP SMOKING…

Now your all probably wondering what the hell item 20 and paper cranes have in common, well it all started like this…..

So being unemployed, with no car, no money, not alot of people around during the day and a family who all smoke! (that’s right kids, Batman, The Incredibles, Poison Ivy, Misty Knight, Iron Man, WONDER WOMAN!! allllllllll of them SMOKE!)  Now obviously Poison Ivy is up lá duff so has stopped smoking, but for me it was so easy to just light up a fag, puff puff puffy away all day, I would say I had a steady 20 a day deal going on, menthol rollies were to me like a warm glass of red wine of an evening, just something i enjoyed!  and then the fateful day arrived….

Poison Ivy had warned me something like this may happen, and when Wonder Woman tried to give up last month, she said the same thing, there comes a point where something just snaps in your mind, and smoking just isn’t nice anymore!
Now for all those people out there screaming,’SMOKING’S DISGUSTING’ ‘IT’S GOING TO KILL YOU’ ‘YOU SMELL LIKE AN ASHTRAY’ I really don’t care, unless you’re a smoker you have no concept of how good it feels to have a fresh cup of coffee and a sneaky ciggie, or rolling a menthol and relaxing just puffing away.  IF YOU ARE NOT A SMOKER YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD THAT FEELS!!! and after sex……. WOWWWWWW better than the sex before it haha.

But anyway I digress, so I was sat in the study with my tobacco rolling a cig, and it happened, something choked a little in my throat, i licked the rizla and the smell of the dry tobacco made me feel a bit icky, and as I sparked the cigarette, I was convincing myself that I wanted to become a non-smoker! (I think it helped that my pouch was now empty and I had no way of getting anymore haha!!)

Day one – Fine, 0 cigarettes
Day two – Fine, 0 cigarettes
Day three – Ok, 0 Cigarettes
Day four – Average, 0 cigarettes, stood behind woman at cashpoint inhaling her scarf it smelt so good
Day five – SH*T, SH*TE, CR*P, AWFUL, SHODDY, EURGH, CRAPOLAAA! 0 cigarettes…grrrr
Day six – Pissed off, angry, want to murder someone for £3.50 to get tobacco… 0 cigarettes
Day seven – Today…woke up, feeling refreshed, breathing (asthma) noticeably clearer, cravings minimum, 0 cigarettes…

Now….how did I do it?

PAPER CRANES!!!

Honestly, for the past week I have ranged through every emotion possible, this first week of not smoking has almost killed me, and I think its mainly due to the fact that I have nothing to cure the boredom, smoking became a habit because I was bored.  It gave me something to do with my hands, the ceremony of rolling the cigarette, lighting it, inhaling and enjoying the minty smoke, sitting back and taking it in…..it takes time, its a process, its also really difficult to describe!  So I had to find something to keep my hands busy, and remembering the episode of Heroes, whilst thinking about my meditation experiences of late, I thought, I bet I can make 1,000 paper cranes….that will stop me from smoking.

Now, everytime I want a cigarette I fold a piece of paper, and it can be anything, newspapers, magazines, catalogues, comic books, junk mail…anything that I can find just to keep my mind off smoking.  and I can say now it’s working, being around smoke makes me feel ill, the smell makes me want to vom on their faces, and the change in myself is remarkable, it’s early days yet but here’s to crossing off another Bucket List item and to continuing on my journey.

Made with 1978 Superman Comic Book

Made From: Pandora Jewellery Catalogue Page.

I found an Irregular choice Shoebox and have given them a home already

Here’s to the SuperCranes!!   May they guide me through this rough patch and grant me a blooming good wish when I’ve made 10,000 of the buggars!

Cheers for reading 🙂

L.J x

i like my drinks dirrrrty!

Make your own version at home, you can add lime for a typical amaretto sour, or add a shot of sour cherry schnapps for a cheeky version that tastes just like bakewell tart!! I love Amaretto with Dr. Pepper too! enjoy folks! x

THE TRANSFORMATION OF EVE – click on the image if it’s not changing :)

The new 8ft by 5ft canvas that will be hanging in my room by the time ive painted it!I literally cannot wait to get some money and start painting this bad boy! I promised you all I would show you it when it was finished, and I edited it to sort of show how it will look once its painted! This canvas is going to be insane, almost like wallpaper it's going to be so big! It's based around the Adam Isaac Jackson/Mike Giant/1940s/retro tattoos style. Give it a few seconds and just sit and watch this one you will see the progression of the drawing which I am hereby naming "The Transformation of Eve". Hope you enjoy it L.J x P.S can YOU notice where her face changes from innocent to whore in a matter of seconds/pencil strokes 😉 whoopsie!

Get your tissues, Glasses of Wine, Boxes of Chocolates AND SOMEONE GET ME A VODKA!!!

I'm not a sniveling wreck ...... I PROMISE....

Goodnight Sweetheart, Now it’s time to go…BuhBuhBuhBoom…

Just another Sleep deprived evening with L.J Ho Hum!

Ho Hum, Tweedelee Dum… Apologies first…

ImageWell hello everyone, first of all I just want to say a quite sorry for my delay as of late.  Ive been working on some new works inspired by my illustrator HERO Adam Isaac Jackson.  This is the piece of work ^^ that is causing me all this pain, its taking forever to complete I’ve got some serious editing to do to it once its drawn but thought i would give you all a little updateo!

Adam Isaac Jackson has been an idol of mine for years, ever since my G.C.S.E textiles days, it was him that shaped my style of design and my love for anything monochrome!  Alot of people like to argue that Adam copies this guy called Mike Giant who is also a fine procurer of this style of art.  Personally I’m in love with Adam’s pictures, and this one above here is my homage to him, its for an 8ft by 5ft canvas going in my bedroom its going to be epic, andddd it’s going to take forever but It makes for another entry to the Bucket List, “Make my bedroom a sanctuary – and it better be perfect” and “Complete an actual piece of art”.

Anyways again apologies for the lack of posty posts but I hope this little insight into me helps you to mourn the absence.

Muchos Love, L.J x

 

(P.S This image is copyrighted to me, If you want to use it for any reason please just ask first thats all I ask)

BUCKET LIST UPDATE No.1

Hello Everyone quick Bucket List update for you all, upon reflection during an awesome night with Batman this evening I have some new entries to make to the Bucket List, New Proper Blog Post to come tomorrow though so keep your eyes peeled for that too.

NEW ENTRIES!!

– To teach myself how to draw properly! (another regular updating me feels!)
– To try to learn a language. (preferably italian or spanish)
– Get at least a small tattoo!! (and stop being a big wimp!)
– Learn to walk in heels.

WEIGHT LOSS UPDATE!!! (eeeeek)

Now I will be blogging about this further next week BUTT I thought I would update everyone, The exercising isn’t going too bad, Zumba is killing me, and the walks are still tough as always but the ankle injury has definitely got better, so gotta step it up a notch this week!

LOVELIFE (oh christ this is deffo on the next weeks agenda)
I only went and joined a flipping Dating Site!! what am I like!, But as I have already stated on the Bucket List, I do want to go on more dates, so fingers crossed I don’t meet a nutter and possibly meet a good guy, need a prince to come along before that dastardly apocalypse, need someone to pull me from the global warming caused wreckage eh?

Anyhoo this was just supposed to be a ‘quickPress’ haha!
Blog Ya Soon!

L.J x