Dear David Cameron…

10 Downing Street
The Posh Place

Dear David Cameron,

I would like to introduce myself.  My [pen]Name is L.J.Simms, and I am a 23 year old, technically overweight, smoker, who is, unemployed. (I love the picture you have built in your mind about me already) I’m also a [2.1] graduate from Kent, who, has not only been to University for 3 years, but, who also has attended a Grammar School (all girls).  All, whilst living with my single mother (hero).

Your probably wondering what this is all about, so to get rid of some of the confusion, this letter is my way of telling you that your an awful Prime Minister, but I’ll get to that later, for now I want to tell you a bit more about me.

I started my life as a baby, (as I’m sure you did too) as I grew into a child there were many things I wanted to do in my lifetime.  Ride a bike, eat forbidden battenburg, be a chef, then a clown, then a stripper (not sure I knew what that meant at the time), I wanted to talk and learn and find out who I was whilst exploring the big bad world around me.  When I became a teenager there were many things I didn’t want to do in my lifetime.  Go to P.E lessons, listen to my mum, go with the flow, put my hand up in science, and I certainly didn’t want to grow up anymore.

In my later teens, I grew to learn a few more lessons…

  1. Boys are awesome.
  2. Boys are awesome.
  3. Government sucks!

From the moment I hit 16 government was all up in my grill [bothering me] telling me who to be, why to be and where I would be put if I wasn’t doing so.  I had to partake in A Levels that were deemed satisfactorly ‘intelligent’ enough to ‘back up’ my creative ‘skills’.  I then got told that University was the only next step, that I could be ‘nothing without a degree’.  So I did that too, 3 long years, in total I spent just over 17 years in education and yes I’ve learnt some things along the way, but nothing I couldn’t have learnt in the school of life.

Now, you are probably wondering what this has to do with you, correct?

You’re probably thinking, this letter is bin worthy, but I’m writing to you to sell you some home truths about how you and your government have turned this country to ruin and funnily enough it all started when you and Mr. Cleggypants came into power.

Blair was bad, Brown was awful but you sir, you…Are something else entirely.

I remember the big news, Brown was out, elections were in, the campus was alive with music and drinking and Lib-Dem cheers oh! and a tiny little voice in the corner saying “Vote Cameron”.  For once, everyone seemed to be excited about politics.  We all went to sleep that night dreaming sweet notions, of change, of democracy, of freedom (sorry the creative wasn’t all beaten out of me!)  The next day the news came in, “CON-DEM-NATION” and poor little cleggy was assigned to your ass.  You were like lucifer that day, stepping up onto that podium, and from that moment on I knew it was useless ever getting involved.

I soon left university, moved back home with my parent’s and started looking for work.  Only to be told I’d need 3 years more training to do anything with my degree and that I was deemed overqualified for having this qualification that needed extra qualifying to qualify me to stack shelves.  I landed at your home of the masses, the church of forced salvation, commonly known as the Job Center.  A place where lying is abundant and morale is obsolete and the scent of revolution is hidden in the supplies cupboard.

You not so long ago (nearly a year ago) made a speech, that I wish to give you some feedback on (p.s this is the bit where I tell you to stop being a bogus leader!).  Last week, as I sat on the foam chair awaiting my meeting with *Dawn* at the (job)center of lost hope I was casually reading over some recent news articles and came acros your speech from last year on ‘Big Society’.   Not being politic’s greatest fan I started to read with a cautious eye…

BLAH BLAH BLAH…England sucks….BLAH BLAH BLAH….I will heal you…..BLAH BLAH BLAH…..I’m really Odo from Star Trek……BLAH BLAH BLAH……Give me all your money…..BLAH BLAH BLAH…… Woah, hold on a minute…..”is this an excerpt from Mein Kampf?” were, Honestly, the words that slipped from my slack jaw.

“We must build that bigger, stronger society because we can’t keep tolerating the wasted lives and wasted potential that comes when talent is held back by circumstance. “

Would those circumstances be setting tuition fees so high that any student no matter where they are from can expect to be paying interest on their loans for the next 30 years of their life?

Would those circumstances be asking a child of 6 what they want to be when they grow up, then making them jump hoops instead of REALLY learning anything? (by the way I still have no freaking idea what x equals!)

 “But above all we must build a bigger, stronger society because in the end the things that make up that kind of society… strong families, strong communities, strong relationships… …these are the things that make life worth living and it’s about time we had a government and a Prime Minister that understands that. “

Strong Families?  Like the working class families who are constantly made to feel like the unworthy?  Press releases and speeches aimed at ‘the working class family’ made out to be slobby, lazy, and not worth decent pasty from greggs?

Strong Communities?  Like the strong cummunities that screamed out during the riots in London, screamed as their homes and businesses were burning, screamed whilst their streets were swarming with a volatile mass of angry angry people, screamed when their leader, oh and his right hand sock puppet Cleggy, OH! and his jack in the box pet Boris, were all off swanning it and enjoying the cocktails too much to jump on a PLANE and lead their damn nation.

and next, Your Royal Crapness Mr. Cameron…

Your Idea of Reward and Effort, is, in itself, not mildly but more ultimately, nothing more than, totally, offensive.  Are we pets now?  This nation that grinds and works, pays taxes, lights your home, polices your front door, mends your wounds and teaches your kids is, A NATION, not a naughty puppy who needs to be taught how to sit, stay and obey.

We deserve more respect than to be treated like that.  WE KNOWWWW, we are in a recession…have you thought about getting in with the BBC, they raised £26 million last year for Children in Need alone.

Get Lenny Henry and Susan Boyle in on it, we could sort out this recession mess in no time at all, if you combine Children in Need, Sport Relief, Comic Relief and the countless other drives for donations your looking at upwards of £100 million in a year EASY!  Can we not give those all a rest for one year? do 5 new ones… NHS in Need, Armed Forces Fever, Police Relief, Leech to Teach, Relax the Tax??

So in conclusion, because to be honest, I could literally bend your ear all day about how totally inept you are, and how you have no idea how anyone in this country apart from your own criteria of citizens live.  You have no clue what it’s like, to end 17 years of education to be told you are still not worthy and should’ve just become an accountant.

You are perpetuating a societal myth that working hard gets you to the top.  BULLSH*T! You operate on an entirely different social level to the majority of people on this planet, and I deem it unfair that someone like yourself should be allowed to run this country when you ‘politicians’ have clearly done such a BANG UP JOB OF IT over the years.

I call for revolution.

I call for social revolution.
(not riots chill out I’m against rioting)

I call for a leader of the people.

You are not a leader of the people David, you are a leader of the damned, and there will one day, be zombie films written about you, in years to come, when England is a wasteland and all that is left is poor little cleggy surviving underneath your rotting carcus.

My kindest regards, and humblest sincerity.



To read Cameron’s ‘Big Society Speech’ go HERE

To read Lucy Robinson’s letter to George Osbourne go HERE


To read the Top 10 mistakes of David Cameron, FROM HIS OWN POLICTICAL PARTY….


Happy Blogging



The Truth is out there, Secret Service is really The Ministry of Magic…

WELL BUGGAR ME…It turns out that J.K.Rowling was the paperback version of wikileaks!  As I was surfing the net today I found this intrigueing article which suggest that the Ministry of Magic is real, not only that potter fans, but the dark arts are here as well!

I was casually surfing the news net as I do on friday afternoons and I came across an item that stopped me dead in my tracks.  First of all the tragic nature of the article but also the extraordinary content of the article itself.  [found here

I have been a Harry Potter fan since I was first given one of the books in about 2003-04ish.  The experience of reading Harry Potter, is one I shall treasure for many years, and hopefully one day pass onto any future generations of Simms’.  There was never a moment that went by where I didn’t wish to one day find out the veil between the muggle and wizarding world would shatter and I would be chosen to go to Hogwarts on an exchange program.  The beautiful imagery by Queen Rowling made that fantasy so easy growing up, waiting for that next book like a window into this secret world that could oh so possibly be possibly maybe real…possibly….maybe?  Well it seems the fantasy and ‘magic’ may have been lost from that dream of mine after stumbling upon this tragic article on the BBC news website…

Today on 30th March 2012 [I’m aware very close to April fool’s day, so if this turns out to be a prank I FOUND IT FIRST] I read this article which stated…

“An MI6 officer whose body was found in a holdall may have been killed by an agent “specialising in the dark arts of the secret services”, a court heard.”

[ cited: here ]

The victim, Gareth Williams was found in horrific circumstances at the age of 31.  His body was found inside a locked holdall, yet strangely there was no evidence, DNA or otherwise to suggest that someone had locked him into it, which has raised suspicions as to how the victim came to be there in the first place.  The whole story is strange after stranger, there was no evidence at Gareth’s apartment in Pinlico, London, no evidence what so ever of Gareth’s existence in the apartment he resided in alone.

It has been suggested that evidence may have been removed by a seriously intelligent person/group of people, including a statement from laywer Anthony O’toole that suggests something entirely unexpected may have been at the root of the investigation…

He said: “The impression of the family is that the unknown third party was a member of some agency specialising in the dark arts of the secret services – or evidence has been removed post-mortem by experts in the dark arts.”. . .

Does this prove a possible link between our government and a higher one?  Are we truly being taken for utter mug(gle)s?

I have an opinion on politics that may not sit lightly with many people, and if I did live in America I would probably be silenced very quickly.  I don’t get involved in political protest, I don’t even vote.  [I can hear the crowd with pitchforks and the boo’s already!]  I feel it would be hypocritical of myself, to vote for any system that I do not believe in or respect.  I find government to be based on false promises and a bed of conceated lies.  I think the world leaders are entirely out of touch with the true nature of their people, and I think there is more than a small amount of information that is kept from the populations of every country on this planet.

I do believe in conspiracy theories.

And I do still get shocked when articles like this one arise from the ashes and are kept tucked into the back alley’s of our news feeds, left to trend on twitter and fizzle out in an ever moving society.  This gentleman worked for MI6, CIA-esque bullsh*t in my opinion.  His killer has still not been found.  Does he not deserve justice?  Does he not deserve Rest.In.Peace above his head instead of Unknown.Killer?

It’s articles like this that encourage me to stay behind the bright lights, in the shadows…because I have no idea what goes on in the world of the well lit.  it’s almost like there are 2 worlds, both real but only one realistic, the other is a dream world played by men [and women] who maybe watched a few too many Bond films as kids…

My condolences go out to Gareth’s family if your out there and I put it to you…are we really muggles?  Is there a Ministry of Magic, and do we really know what is going on on this planet, or should we just Keep Calm and Carry on?

Personally, I have the tin foil hats ready for the invasion, the concrete underground bunker for the zombies, My fake death eater stick on tattoo for when Voldemort comes a knocking, and a speech prepared for the day I get to say ‘I Told You So’…

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

Get your tissues, Glasses of Wine, Boxes of Chocolates AND SOMEONE GET ME A VODKA!!!

I'm not a sniveling wreck ...... I PROMISE....