ICE CREAM = CRACK COCAINE?!

ICE

CREAM IS 

AS ADDICTIVE 

CRACK COCAINE…?!

Okay guys, I am in trouble!! It has officially been studied and made all official and scary and worry-mongering ICE CREAM IS AS ADDICTIVE AS CRACK! 

That’s it, I will be relegated to the street corners of Soho, plugging my wares, selling my body for a piece of that fine ass chocolate chunk.  You will see me, hand open begging, pick-pocketing for just a slice of that cold creamy goodness. 

To any of my friends they would not call my insessant love for Ice Cream, an addiction as such.  Maybe The Thing would sympathise with me, as he too loves Ice cream.  There was nothing better than when we were at Uni, finding out  one of us had Ice Cream stashed somewhere, out of the reach of the Crack-Cream-Badgers that were other students!  we would grab two spoons, no bowls that’s for wuss’s!  Two spoons, an action packed/psycho thriller/make you thinker sort of film, we would snuggle up and enjoy the sensation of the ice cold frozen cream, slipping into your warm tummy, the chunks and delights giving you the beautiful texture and diversity in every pot.

Okay, I’m going to stop the psycho-ice-cream-babble right there and progress onto the report.  It seems like just another one of those, DID YOU KNOW, ‘everything you know and love is going to kill you’ reports that stems from people who literally get paid to go ‘hmmmmm I wonder if……….oh! YEP!’.  Obviously, Ice Cream is bad for you we know this, and what with the Indian Summer they keep predicting in England on it’s way, they probably want people to second guess having a cheeky cone (or 9 :S) but seriously…CRACK!?

What do they want us to do about it? BAN ICE-CREAM!? EXILE BEN AND JERRY?! SEND HAAG AND DAS TO RE-EDUCATE IN ACCOUNTING???

HERE I WILL DRAW SOME CONCLUSIONS….

  1. The study was complete on ‘average’ adolescents.  No overweight people or older OR younger participants were used in the study, so there fore the study technically is honing in on one very small population of people who lets be frank, ermmmm freakin’ love Ice-Cream!
  2. The study only tested Ice-Cream, NOT FAIR!!! why make us Ice-CREAMERS the bad guys?? What about those Gummy-Lovers [also me] and the Choco-Freakos? [ermmm also me] and HOW DO THEY KNOW that Pizza-Pickers [dammit also me] aren’t just like jumped up Smackheads? huh??? HUH???? [I need a fix sorry….1 Magnum later]
  3. The only studied the habits of these people for like 2 weeks….ermm what if they were ACTUAL crackheads like 3 weeks prior?? huh?? surely anything…even heavenly ice cream would have seemed like the class A equivelent, I know when I haven’t had ice cream for a while, Frozen Yoghurt can always substitute…
  4. the counter player was a ‘tasteless liquid’ (clearly piss!) that’s not fair, NO-ONE CAN RESIST THE FLAVOUR OF ICE-CREAM!!!
  5. THE STUDY DIDN’T EVEN ‘ACTUALLY’ COMPARE THE ADDICTIVE QUALITIES JUST THE ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOUR THEREFORE RENDERING THIS STUPID STUDY ABSOLUTELY RUBBISH…….I NEEEEED A POT OF BEN AND JERRY’S HALF BAKED OR COCONUTTERLY FAIR OR CARAMEL CHEW CHEW OR OH MY APPLE PIE RIGHT NOW STAT, MAN DOWN…

MAN DOWWWWN!!!!!

 

 

 

 

[ok, maybe there is some truth in it? I’m on the phone with Ice-Cream rehab as we speak…]

Happy Blogging, Cheers for Reading,

L.J.Simms x

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p.s if you want to read the report click the ice cream parlour image it should take you to the NHS article with all the relevant information 🙂

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