Dear David Cameron…

 
10 Downing Street
The Posh Place
London
SW 1A 2AA
 

Dear David Cameron,

I would like to introduce myself.  My [pen]Name is L.J.Simms, and I am a 23 year old, technically overweight, smoker, who is, unemployed. (I love the picture you have built in your mind about me already) I’m also a [2.1] graduate from Kent, who, has not only been to University for 3 years, but, who also has attended a Grammar School (all girls).  All, whilst living with my single mother (hero).

Your probably wondering what this is all about, so to get rid of some of the confusion, this letter is my way of telling you that your an awful Prime Minister, but I’ll get to that later, for now I want to tell you a bit more about me.

I started my life as a baby, (as I’m sure you did too) as I grew into a child there were many things I wanted to do in my lifetime.  Ride a bike, eat forbidden battenburg, be a chef, then a clown, then a stripper (not sure I knew what that meant at the time), I wanted to talk and learn and find out who I was whilst exploring the big bad world around me.  When I became a teenager there were many things I didn’t want to do in my lifetime.  Go to P.E lessons, listen to my mum, go with the flow, put my hand up in science, and I certainly didn’t want to grow up anymore.

In my later teens, I grew to learn a few more lessons…

  1. Boys are awesome.
  2. Boys are awesome.
  3. Government sucks!

From the moment I hit 16 government was all up in my grill [bothering me] telling me who to be, why to be and where I would be put if I wasn’t doing so.  I had to partake in A Levels that were deemed satisfactorly ‘intelligent’ enough to ‘back up’ my creative ‘skills’.  I then got told that University was the only next step, that I could be ‘nothing without a degree’.  So I did that too, 3 long years, in total I spent just over 17 years in education and yes I’ve learnt some things along the way, but nothing I couldn’t have learnt in the school of life.

Now, you are probably wondering what this has to do with you, correct?

You’re probably thinking, this letter is bin worthy, but I’m writing to you to sell you some home truths about how you and your government have turned this country to ruin and funnily enough it all started when you and Mr. Cleggypants came into power.

Blair was bad, Brown was awful but you sir, you…Are something else entirely.

I remember the big news, Brown was out, elections were in, the campus was alive with music and drinking and Lib-Dem cheers oh! and a tiny little voice in the corner saying “Vote Cameron”.  For once, everyone seemed to be excited about politics.  We all went to sleep that night dreaming sweet notions, of change, of democracy, of freedom (sorry the creative wasn’t all beaten out of me!)  The next day the news came in, “CON-DEM-NATION” and poor little cleggy was assigned to your ass.  You were like lucifer that day, stepping up onto that podium, and from that moment on I knew it was useless ever getting involved.

I soon left university, moved back home with my parent’s and started looking for work.  Only to be told I’d need 3 years more training to do anything with my degree and that I was deemed overqualified for having this qualification that needed extra qualifying to qualify me to stack shelves.  I landed at your home of the masses, the church of forced salvation, commonly known as the Job Center.  A place where lying is abundant and morale is obsolete and the scent of revolution is hidden in the supplies cupboard.

You not so long ago (nearly a year ago) made a speech, that I wish to give you some feedback on (p.s this is the bit where I tell you to stop being a bogus leader!).  Last week, as I sat on the foam chair awaiting my meeting with *Dawn* at the (job)center of lost hope I was casually reading over some recent news articles and came acros your speech from last year on ‘Big Society’.   Not being politic’s greatest fan I started to read with a cautious eye…

BLAH BLAH BLAH…England sucks….BLAH BLAH BLAH….I will heal you…..BLAH BLAH BLAH…..I’m really Odo from Star Trek……BLAH BLAH BLAH……Give me all your money…..BLAH BLAH BLAH…… Woah, hold on a minute…..”is this an excerpt from Mein Kampf?” were, Honestly, the words that slipped from my slack jaw.

“We must build that bigger, stronger society because we can’t keep tolerating the wasted lives and wasted potential that comes when talent is held back by circumstance. “

Would those circumstances be setting tuition fees so high that any student no matter where they are from can expect to be paying interest on their loans for the next 30 years of their life?

Would those circumstances be asking a child of 6 what they want to be when they grow up, then making them jump hoops instead of REALLY learning anything? (by the way I still have no freaking idea what x equals!)

 “But above all we must build a bigger, stronger society because in the end the things that make up that kind of society… strong families, strong communities, strong relationships… …these are the things that make life worth living and it’s about time we had a government and a Prime Minister that understands that. “

Strong Families?  Like the working class families who are constantly made to feel like the unworthy?  Press releases and speeches aimed at ‘the working class family’ made out to be slobby, lazy, and not worth decent pasty from greggs?

Strong Communities?  Like the strong cummunities that screamed out during the riots in London, screamed as their homes and businesses were burning, screamed whilst their streets were swarming with a volatile mass of angry angry people, screamed when their leader, oh and his right hand sock puppet Cleggy, OH! and his jack in the box pet Boris, were all off swanning it and enjoying the cocktails too much to jump on a PLANE and lead their damn nation.

and next, Your Royal Crapness Mr. Cameron…

Your Idea of Reward and Effort, is, in itself, not mildly but more ultimately, nothing more than, totally, offensive.  Are we pets now?  This nation that grinds and works, pays taxes, lights your home, polices your front door, mends your wounds and teaches your kids is, A NATION, not a naughty puppy who needs to be taught how to sit, stay and obey.

We deserve more respect than to be treated like that.  WE KNOWWWW, we are in a recession…have you thought about getting in with the BBC, they raised £26 million last year for Children in Need alone.

Get Lenny Henry and Susan Boyle in on it, we could sort out this recession mess in no time at all, if you combine Children in Need, Sport Relief, Comic Relief and the countless other drives for donations your looking at upwards of £100 million in a year EASY!  Can we not give those all a rest for one year? do 5 new ones… NHS in Need, Armed Forces Fever, Police Relief, Leech to Teach, Relax the Tax??

So in conclusion, because to be honest, I could literally bend your ear all day about how totally inept you are, and how you have no idea how anyone in this country apart from your own criteria of citizens live.  You have no clue what it’s like, to end 17 years of education to be told you are still not worthy and should’ve just become an accountant.

You are perpetuating a societal myth that working hard gets you to the top.  BULLSH*T! You operate on an entirely different social level to the majority of people on this planet, and I deem it unfair that someone like yourself should be allowed to run this country when you ‘politicians’ have clearly done such a BANG UP JOB OF IT over the years.

I call for revolution.

I call for social revolution.
(not riots chill out I’m against rioting)

I call for a leader of the people.

You are not a leader of the people David, you are a leader of the damned, and there will one day, be zombie films written about you, in years to come, when England is a wasteland and all that is left is poor little cleggy surviving underneath your rotting carcus.

My kindest regards, and humblest sincerity.

L.J.Simms

_________________

To read Cameron’s ‘Big Society Speech’ go HERE

To read Lucy Robinson’s letter to George Osbourne go HERE

anddddd

To read the Top 10 mistakes of David Cameron, FROM HIS OWN POLICTICAL PARTY….

go HERE

Happy Blogging

L.J.Simms

Advertisements

How to Cope with Being Unemployed

So, currently I’m unemployed.  It’s a crap life but somebody’s
got to do it.I’ve been unemployed for 3 months, I’ve worked
since I was 15 and I spent 3 years doing a degree.  You’d think I’m
suitable for something, anything,I would clean toilets if it
meant that I was earning some decent cash that I honestly feel I
worked hard to deserve to earn.  When you go to University
everyone tells you it’s the right thing to do, you HAVE
to do it if you want to make your life better than the
average bear’s!  What a mistake it was to listen
to that advice!  Honestly, in my humble opinion, I think unless
your going to TRAIN for a profession, don’t bother, it’s not
worth your time or debt! Since losing my job, I’ve tried
every which way possible to get a Job.  I’ve tried recruitment
agencies, Online jobsites, unemployment agencies.  I’ve even
tried to get funding to start my own studio for my artwork but
no joy anywhere! I recently had to apply for JobSeeker’s
Allowance and to tell you all the truth…
It’s killing me, I hate it, I hate having to accept money that I
haven’t earnt plus along with the overwhelming feeling of
un-accomplishment I have to have the telephone meetings with
the Job Seeker Lady, the woman who bless her
heart find the most inane jobs available and tries to palm them off on me…

That’s right! ME! The woman who got a flaming DEGREE!
I’ve got 4 Alevels! I’ve got 12 GCSEs!!!
THEY ALL TOLD ME I’D GET A JOB INSTANTLY!!!!!!!

See what I mean kids? My advice? don’t stick in school,
get out as soon as is legal, get your backsides down to an
apprenticeship, or work to learn scheme this further education
stuff is boll***s if you ask me!! £12,000 and I’m still no
closer to a well paid salary job than the homeless
guy who lives by tescos!

So after I speak with Job Seeker Sue, I get a call from the
Recruitment Man Sam, his smarmy voice, and sales talk makes
me cringe, I’ve worked in sales related jobs all my life, these
people think I can’t recognise the sales banter?? REALLY?
Then comes the prep for the interview. what to say,
what NOT to say…and OH WAIT

“Definitely don’t mention that you worked in childcare…”

“Hi there, hello, yes, hi can you hear me, oh great,
*smarmy sales voice*
hiiiiiiiiiii
yes great to talk to youuuuuu,
yesssss I meann I’ve…

*here comes the sales banter crap
Recruitment Man Sam tells me to say*

yes.I.mean.I’ve.worked.in.sales.for.many.years.and.I’ve.
managed.a.team.of.up.to.6.working.on.the.analytical.
basis.that.I.prepare.all.their.time.managment.graphs.and.
yes.I.work.towards.target.based.memorandums.and.of.
course.I.can.work.microsoft.office.to.grade.A.standard.yesssss.
I’ve pioneered.flights.to.Gambia.and.yes.of.course.I’m.
fully.trained.in.zombie.attack.protocol.and.yes.I.have.the.statuatory.
2,000,000.years.worth.of.experience.that.is.vital.to.
know.how.to.sell.someone.paper.waste.management.and.
I.always.carry.my.iPhone.because.of.course.I.would.never.own
a.blackberry.and.I.would.love.to.discuss.this.role.further.
with.you.your.highness.who.I.need.to.give.me.a.job.because.I’m…

!DESPERATE!

Day 86 of unemployment, and I’m tired.

Yes I said it, I’m freaking tired, I do nothing all day,
but drink coffee, eat toast, watch Jeremy Kyle and imagine
up blog posts.  I make dozens of Paper Cranes all day not
only to stop me going insane from not smoking (because I
can’t afford it) but also because I’m bored! I sit and read
cookery books that I can’t cook from because I have no money
I watch QVC, and dream of owning the quick fire
chopper upper thingy because I have no life
I constantly chew my nails and stare at my BBm,
Whatsapp, Facebook AND Twitter because my friends
are all at work and I get excited over my afternoon milky coffee
because I pretend its a caramel latte from costa, minus the caramel!

I’m writing a novel…
Yeah I can do that, I’m creating an art installation too, and I’m
trying internet dating I’m desperately trying to keep the
creative creature inside me amused, so I don’t lose hope
that one day, someone will think I’m not half bad, and
trust that my CV isn’t the end of all things, and
SOMETIMES, you have to TRUST someone,
not just check theirfacebook to see what a mess
they were at the last festival they attended.

(I was a state!)

I FOUND A JOB

OH MY SHIT I FOUND A JOB

It’s perfect, it’s £26,000 A YEAR!!!!!
*slight orgasm sorry everyone*

I could do this job, I could ACE this job, I’m perfect for it,
give me the job, yess, yess, ahhhhhh, omg, omg, omg, omg
JOB ADVERTISMENT MEGA ORGASM…..

dammit, I need a qualification…

but I could do it……and I could do it really well.

[This is the part where I broke down, crying, snot,
it wasn’t pretty heaving with sorrow into my pillow,
with the inevitable *woe is me* speech, then getting the
angry face, you know that agression that creeps in,
the *f!ck no I’m better than this* agression, that insists
that you fight the system, stick it to the man,
bring down the house and generally sound like an epic fool…]

This is the genuine Cover Letter that I sent.
I omitted my real information in editing.
I sent this alongside my CV, to the dream job.

ScreenShot from the application form.

So please, anyone who reads my blog, anyone who likes it,
or follows me because of it take your hands and cross
those fingers for me, If your religious, pray for me,
If your a jedi, do some funky mind tricks..and if you
just so happen to be someone from RED GATE
please give me the job, I would work like a slave for you…

You’ve just got to give me a chance…

Cheers for Reading,

L.J x